CSN Login
Members Online: 16

lonely

Bearsmile
Posts: 24
Joined: Apr 2012

Hello I am wondering if there are ever any other caregivers out there who feel lonely? I am taking care of my Dad so I am not alone but I still feel lonely. I am single and feel like I can't date since I am not working as a result of being a care taker. I am also not sure I am emotionally and mentally ready. I have friends but they don't understand what it is like for me and my family is not very much help. I am having a hard time since I wonder what will happen when my Dad dies. I know I shouldn't put my life on hold but in some ways I feel like I have no choice. I love my Dad and most days I feel in my heart that I am doing the right thing.
Thanks for listening. This group has really helped me. Have a good day one day at a time.

amy_h414's picture
amy_h414
Posts: 98
Joined: May 2012

and I'm not really alone. Friends/family have stopped calling; I guess they just don't know what to say. My husband is in treatment right now and doing ok for the most part. This will all be over soon and he'll be ok but it's so hard watching him struggle with the effects of the treatment.

It's a wonderful thing you are doing for your dad. Try to take care of yourself too. I know it's hard. Hugs to you...

JackieA
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi, I have been there so many times. Since my husband's illness, people stopped coming by. Our lives have changed tremendously. We were the ones who had all the parties and pot lucks...now it is just us. People say they will help and they mean well, but sometimes they don't follow through. Most of the time they don't. I never thought we would be at this place. My husband is very well known in our community, in our city, all over the state. At first people came to our houses in huge numbers. We were giving away food, and it was okay. But now, family members who live in the same neighborhood do not stop by. I feel very lonely a whole lot. I feel like NO ONE sees or knows the pain that we as a young couple are going through--I imagine how my husband feels. But, do you know what? in these times we have grown so close and after I got over the anger, I feel like taking care of him is the ministry God had given me. So I am okay. I love him and I know he loves me, and I want God to be able to say, well done!

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I am so sorry, I know the feeling to, we are alone in this, we try to get out and be apart of things,. I stay so sad, and guilty, I can not seam to find words to say. We have no family here (well Ihave a sister who is a nurse but she is of no help she has been here twice in three years . It is like a private hell-o. I just don't know hope to cope, and I seam to be with drawing from life. It is like we have died already. Breaks my heart for my hubby who just wants to hear that he is loved.
I try hope and humor but seams it is fading faster . We live in the country and there is no support groups around here. Oh relay to life and things, but that does not support the ones living this night mare.
I am to the point I do not think I can face it any longer. I am sad, and alone. I think maybe I am just not a people person.

Noellesmom
Posts: 1291
Joined: Aug 2010

You are definitely a people person. One just has to read your caring responses to know that you are very good with people.

You are just tired, zinnie. I know you've been fighting the fight alongside your husband for awhile now without a break.

What's going on with your husband these days? What are the doctors saying?

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Greg was took of Chemo , over two months ago, he is on a trail drug called Axitinib. He had a scan after two months the scan show 2 of the tumors interval decease in size, the other two no significant change. one showed nodule showed interval increase in cavitation,
finding said Interval increase in size of Mediastinal and right hilar lymph nodes suggesting progression of metastinal disease.
Over all finding mised responce to therapy.
So As I read the report over and over , I am not sure. Doctors seam to think he is over all doing good, except for him being tired allo he is still going and doing things. He goes back June 13 to see doctor then wait a month and have another scan.
I can tell you it is like living in a dark cave once in a while you see light and you reach for it. Hope is what keeps us going and Humor is what for one small moment makes us forget.
I know neither of our families except what is going on, and we do not try to explain it anymore. we live each day the best we can, dry and laught, and love our kids. We may not be doing every thing right but we are hanging in there. He will walk with our daughter Team leader in relay to Life Staurday. So life is good.
Yes it has been a long road Dx Dec 2008 Stage 4. So anything is possible.
I thank each and everyone of you that have blessed my heart and made me feel like people really care. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I know sometimes we are loely cause we are afraid to face the what if's or why. But with you all we are walking the same road . So I do not have to explain some of these things to you all , you just understand and get it.
Jennie
Debbie Cake Queen

Noellesmom
Posts: 1291
Joined: Aug 2010

I know this is a difficult time, Jennie. All you can do is the best you can do and you do what is right for you and Greg.

Wish we could sit down and have a Debbie Cake together!

Hugs!

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

I wish you could too, maybe it is different for others, for me I am very alone. Our adult Children (two) have no children. Son lives 30 iles from us, daughter lives with us. I have one sister who lives in this state. four brothers who live in the south, two do call once a month or so. My husband had a brother ,we went to see him, but he has never called to check or anything. Hubby has two sisters one calls about once a month, one does not we have not seen or heard from her in 15 years.
I don't know how families get ripped apart, maybe different views on life. I just don't know.
We live two miles from a very small town , We do not attend church sp we are not part of the groups , we do not drink so not part of the growd. . So it has always seam to us that it was just us. I do not know how to explain that.We have always been there to help do things for others.
We are going tomorrow to a relay to life thing our daughter is team leader. We helped with a sale last more for it. If asked we do for others, but no one has asked what they could do for us? Maybe that sounds greedy ,I don't know. I question my self all the time, how I could be such a bad person. Heck even some of the time I cry. Then eat a debbie cake.
Thank you for making me feel like part of something.
Jennie

Bennette
Posts: 65
Joined: Mar 2012

Bearsmile,

I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. I am blessed with a really large family that I keep engaged in what is going on and enlist their help regularly so that I can have time to myself and to participate in other things. I don't know if you have other family members or friends, but if you do, call for help. Even if it is just having someone over to visit with him and make him dinner so you can get out for a bit or do something at home you have been putting off. I can understand not wanting to try to start a new relationship right now, but try to pick up some old ones (other friends and family). It is common when someone is first diagnosed for lots of people to offer help, but if you don't take them up on it and give them something to do, they disappear.

If you don't have anyone else, maybe you can look into homecare assistance, where they send someone to your home for hours or a day at a time. I think most areas have groups that will help out in this regard. Even if you devote the majority of your time to your dad, you still need some time of your own or to be around others. When you find a way to get some time, if you can't think of anything else to do, find something you are interested in a voluteer somewhere. If you like animals, maybe a humane society; if you like art, check out a local art center, lots of times they have programs for children or elderly that people can volunteer to help with. This would at least get you in contact with others and your mind off your dad for a little bit each week, I think the loneliness would start to subside if you can find something outside of your day to day routine.

You need something outside of caring for your dad, even if it is just a couple hours a week to keep you engaged in life outside the caregiver role. I hope some of this helps, I can assure you that loneliness can fall on anyone, I am almost done raising 6 children, my youngest is 17 and believe me when they were all at home, I felt lonely sometimes. I cured it by finding things to do that were of my own desire, separate from my children.

Try to find something that gives you enjoyment outside of your current situation, I believe you will enjoy the time with your dad even more if you do!

Good luck and bless you for caring for your dad!

Bennette

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network