Lost myself for a while...

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Gabe N Abby Mom
Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
in Breast Cancer #1
...to the darkness of depression compounded by some pretty extreme fatigue. When I finally realized what was going on, I got a prescription and have been seeing a counselor at the treatment facility. I have a couple of projects to wrap up at work, and then I'm taking a leave of absence. I'm planning to spend the summer building my energy back and spend some quality time with my family.

But that part of me that needs to be positive has kept me from posting here. I just couldn't find the supportive words or the positive energy to reply appropriately to your posts. For that, I'm sorry.

I'm still working to get back to my regular self, whatever that is. But I am much better.

In other news...I've had another CT scan, the cancer is still stable. So I finally swallowed my fear and agreed with my onc to reduce the dose of abraxane by 20%. It's only been one reduced treatment, so far no changes in the side effects.

Thank you all for being here.

Hugs,

Linda
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Comments

  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #2
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    Linda welcome back we missed you here
    Linda,
    Thank you for your update. Sorry for depression, since you have realized it and are taking proactive approach I hope you will see improvement. Being at home for the summer with your family will help you to feel better.
    We learn that Stable is a good result, so let celebrate this important accomplishment.
    Hugs
  • camul
    camul Member Posts: 2,537
    #3
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    Linda
    Glad to hear that the meds are working. Take the summer and really enjoy your family. I am finding that this long term chemo really does take a toll on your energy level. I don't see any way that I could be working right now.

    Enjoy your family and take care of you.

    Carol
  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    #4
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    We are here
    Depression is a lousy place to be, I'm so glad you recognized that and are getting help. Our bodies and minds can only handle so much sometimes and then they need a break. Take this time to heal and enjoy your family, you will be in our prayers. We are all here to support each other, sometimes we are able to give and other times we receive, but it is so comforting to know we have this family to come to. As always, all in my prayers.
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #5
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    I had been wondering where you were
    I was afraid you had had more trouble with the beast. Sounds really bad, but I am glad it was depression, not to make light of that condition of course. Meds,counseling,and a summer break will work wonders...so will some more good scan results.

    I have really admired and been amazed by all you were doing with work and family and thought you were "super pink warrior" and am thrilled you are going to get time for you, a summer break, just like school ready and recharged to go back in the fall.

    Enjoy your family, hope you continue to feel much better!

    Jennifer
  • SIROD
    SIROD Member Posts: 2,194 Member
    #6
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    Stable Is Excellent!
    The first time around one is aware of the light at the end of the tunnel, and "End". When one is metastatic there is no light except for breaks in treatment. One can't be positive all the time, it isn't realistic. It is easy to get into the role of trying to keep status quo when your body is anything but.

    I am very happy for you that you met the stable boy for if you can't be NED, it's the 2nd best thing. There is nothing wrong with a little help to get one over the hump. Happy you are taking the opportunity to give your body a break with a nice, long summer vacation.

    Wishing you the best Linda and keep posting, so many of us are in the same boat.

    Best to you,

    Doris
  • jamiegww
    jamiegww Member Posts: 384
    #7
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    Glad you got the help you needed.
    It's not always easy to admit we need help but you were able to recognize what was happening to you and seek the necessary help to get past it. I'm glad you are taking some time off from work to concentrate on getting your strength back.

    HUGS!!!
    Jamie
  • MsGebby
    MsGebby Member Posts: 659
    #8
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    Big Hugs for
    you, Linda. I am so glad you are taking time for yourself. It is also nice to hear that your CT scan showed some good news. :)

    Like you, I am in a very depressive state. I finally reached out to one of my doctors for some help. This beast finds so many ways to try and take us down. But, being the fighters that we are, we won't allow this beast to do so.

    Stay in that positive light, Linda. I am sending hugs and prayers.

    God Bless You

    Mary
  • Double Whammy
    Double Whammy Member Posts: 2,832 Member
    #9
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    jamiegww said:

    Glad you got the help you needed.
    It's not always easy to admit we need help but you were able to recognize what was happening to you and seek the necessary help to get past it. I'm glad you are taking some time off from work to concentrate on getting your strength back.

    HUGS!!!
    Jamie

    Taking good care of yourself
    trumps the need to post for sure. It's good that you recognized you were going to the dark side and are getting some help. And stable is really good. Take care of yourself and your family. Hope you're back to yourself emotionally soon.

    Love
    Mom
  • Bella Luna
    Bella Luna Member Posts: 1,578 Member
    #10
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    Linda... what a sigh of relief it is to see you posting.
    It's been a hard journey for you and your family. We understand how difficult it can be especially when you add depression to the mix. Taking time off this summer to spend with your family and recoup sounds like the perfect way to rejuvenate your mind, body, and soul.

    Your meetings with the counselor and the prescription will help you get through this valley. You were smart and a good self advocate to seek help. Some things are out of our scope and need special attention.

    How great to hear the cancer is stable and your abraxane dosage was decreased. And... the side effects are not severe. Listen, I know you work hard and your kids are proud of you for carrying on, no matter what. I am so glad you are balancing out life by taking a much needed break. You more than deserve it!

    Let us know how it goes.
  • sdukowitz
    sdukowitz Member Posts: 250
    #11
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    Depression is God's way of
    Depression is God's way of telling us we need a change or break of some type ... many of us have been there ... glad you were able to recognize it and seek help ... prayers and hugs ... Sue D
  • aisling8
    aisling8 Member Posts: 1,627 Member
    #12
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    sdukowitz said:

    Depression is God's way of
    Depression is God's way of telling us we need a change or break of some type ... many of us have been there ... glad you were able to recognize it and seek help ... prayers and hugs ... Sue D

    Happy
    to see you back. A summer off sounds wonderful!!

    Welcome back, we missed you:)

    xoxo
    Victoria
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #13
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    aisling8 said:

    Happy
    to see you back. A summer off sounds wonderful!!

    Welcome back, we missed you:)

    xoxo
    Victoria

    So glad to hear from you, Linda
    I know that black hole called depression as well. And, like you, I knew it wasn't how I wanted to feel. I've been on anti-depressants for over a year and it has helped tremendously. I don't know how long you've been on them--but remember--they take 2-4 weeks to really kick in. I also go to a 2-hr. weekly cancer support group at the Wellness Community in my town. That helps as much as the drugs.

    I'm glad to hear you're taking some time to yourself this summer. Spending time with the family and not worrying about work will mean so much.

    Enjoy and glad you're on this path now.

    Hugs, Renee
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #14
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    You guys are the best.

    You guys are the best.
  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #15
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    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    You guys are the best.

    You guys are the best.

    No YOU are (:
    I am not surprised about the outpour of love and support for you Linda. YOU
    Are such an inspiration. I loved your daugthers essay. You my dear truly deserve the
    Title super warrior. I love to read you posts. They are honest, intelligent and inspiring.

    Take very goood care of our treasured sister.

    Huuuuge hug
    Ayse
  • Kylez
    Kylez Member Posts: 3,761 Member
    #16
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    camul said:

    Linda
    Glad to hear that the meds are working. Take the summer and really enjoy your family. I am finding that this long term chemo really does take a toll on your energy level. I don't see any way that I could be working right now.

    Enjoy your family and take care of you.

    Carol

    Good to hear from you Linda.
    Good to hear from you Linda. I pray the medication will help you with your depression and that you will feel much better.


    Hugs, Kylez
  • Jobi
    Jobi Member Posts: 211
    #17
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    Prayers
    Linda,

    I also understand what depression can do, so please know that I am sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. I am starting my first counceling session tomorrow. We are all in this together!

    Take care of yourself.

    Dorene
  • mamolady
    mamolady Member Posts: 796 Member
    #18
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    Glad you are back!
    Linda,
    I am glad you are getting the help you need. Depression is scary, almost as scary as BC.

    Enjoy the summer, you really deserve it!

    Cindy
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #19
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    Depression
    is a very sneaky monster. It is like a fog you don't even see until it has already engulfed your life. I am glad you have sought treatment for it. You do not always have to be here with encouraging words so don't feel guilty. We can share the load, and you can encourage others when you feel up to doing so.

    I am glad you are taking time for yourself. Think of all you have been through. You deserve to be able to mend in whatever way you can. You are worth the time you are taking for yourself. Will have all matters of your recovery in my prayers.
  • VickiSam
    VickiSam Member Posts: 9,079 Member
    #20
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    laughs_a_lot said:

    Depression
    is a very sneaky monster. It is like a fog you don't even see until it has already engulfed your life. I am glad you have sought treatment for it. You do not always have to be here with encouraging words so don't feel guilty. We can share the load, and you can encourage others when you feel up to doing so.

    I am glad you are taking time for yourself. Think of all you have been through. You deserve to be able to mend in whatever way you can. You are worth the time you are taking for yourself. Will have all matters of your recovery in my prayers.

    Gentle hugs for you, Linda !
    Fatigue, darkness, depression -- new job, family, daily responsibilities and Life -- So much to deal with --- My heart goes out to you.

    I am happy that you are taking time out to re-gain your strength, fuel your soul, mind
    and body. I bet your kids are dancing in the streets to have you home for the summer.

    Stable, Sassy and well rested is what I wish for you.

    Strength, Courage and Hope for a Cure.

    Vicki Sam
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #21
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    Gabe N Abby Mom said:

    You guys are the best.

    You guys are the best.

    That's good news on your
    That's good news on your scan Linda. Enjoy the summer off and have fun!


    Hugs, Leeza

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