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David (and my response to sadinholland)

cindysuetoyou's picture
cindysuetoyou
Posts: 508
Joined: Dec 2009

Hi, sadinholland.

It's strange...your post where you asked how I was doing just....disappeared. It must have been something that the administrators did because as far as I know, we can't remove posts ourselves. I did flag a comment--some sort of spam---that was promoting a facial mask. I noticed that comment was gone, but your original post was still there. Now everything is gone....

Anyway, thank you very much for asking about me and David. I really appreciate it. I hate to post negative stuff, and I hate to think about others who are in this battle reading my posts and being dragged down by what I write. So I feel like it's better right now for me to lay low. I do check this site several times a day, though.

I've been having a hard time. David's condition is not good. In some ways, there have been slight improvements, in others....well, my heart is broken. I've had some really bad days where I could not stop crying for most of the day. I don't even know where to begin. When I think of what I could say, I just start crying again. I do not think that the Avastin and chemo are doing much good. Well, maybe a little....but the little good that they might be doing seems to be overshadowed by David's other issues. I don't know what is causing David's issues....brain swelling? Tumor load? The chemo? Too much pain medicine? The doctors don't know either. They said we need to give the treatments two months before we do an MRI and see if they are helping. If we do an MRI any sooner, the treatments will not have had enough time to work and the MRI will not show any improvements. So once again...the waiting game.

David has a lot of deficits now, but one thing he's retained....his understanding of what is going on, and a solid grasp of his situation. I almost wish he didn't realize what was going on. He has been very depressed. I try my hardest to help him but there is no way I can counter the awfulness of his situation.

I also feel a lot of grief over connsteele's son David. I felt like Connie and I were kindred spirits...our battles were so similar, and we both had Davids....I don't know. I just cry a lot all the time. Also, even though I didn't "talk" much to Todd, the guy with DIPG, I felt really bad when his sister posted that he had died. He had shared his story, and then he said, "and there you have it." Idk....he just seemed really personable and I liked him and I so much hated to read that he had died. My heart is hurting so much, for me, for David, for all of us on this board.

My neighbor two doors down died last week from a recurrence of breast cancer. My good girlfriend's 16 year old daughter is fighting mets to her lungs and brain from osteosarcoma, and she is not doing good. I think I am just overwhelmed. I am considering going to our local hospital and seeing about talking to their cancer support group.

Well, so much for me not writing negative stuff. I've cried through this whole post. I really hope that you and your husband and everyone else are doing good. I love to read posts about how people are beating this beast and having good lives.

Katie, if you are reading this, I just want to let you know that I think of you a lot and I hope that you are standing strong and doing good. I so wanted to write to you and encourage you but I am empty right now and I don't feel like I have much to offer. Btw, there's a pic of my Belgian Tervuren in the Expressions area of my CSN space...you had asked me what that breed looks like.....

One last thing.....I am living my life in a way so that I won't have any regrets about the choices I am making. I don't go anywhere or do anything without considering David first. I don't go anywhere very often and when I do go, I don't go far from home. Just quick runs to the grocery store, pharmacy, etc. If I make eggs and sausage for breakfast and David says he wants donuts, I toss the eggs etc in the trash and we get donuts. If he says he'd like a Starbucks, then I drop whatever I am doing and we go get a coffee. If he wants to go outside at 11:30 at night to eat a messy ice cream bar, then I take off my PJs and I get dressed and we go outside. I told my husband that I will not feel any guilt when David is not with us any longer because I was selfish and did not put David first. I will be forever grateful that I don't have to work right now and I am able to devote myself to David 100%.

Love, blessings, peace and strength to all of you,
Cindy in Salem, OR

sadinholland
Posts: 233
Joined: Apr 2011

Cindy,
I am so sorry David to hear David is struggling. I am praying he will pull through this. Don't you ever ever feel you should have any regrets when it comes to you and David. You are a great mother and friend to David. The best mother he could possibly have. You are and have been right there for him always. You are forever putting him first. You are the best! He couldn't ask for a better mom!

I am sure you overwhelmed! You need to ask the doctor for something to calm your nerves. I do hope your family is helping you and you are allowing them to help as well. You have to Cindy. For you and David, and for them. They need to feel they are doing their part in helping him as well. David can still pull through this. We need to pray and speak positive words. I will be praying for you and David. Hang in there Cindy. You are stronger than you think! After all, I bet you never would have believed you would have managed to hang on this long. God's holding your hand! Squeeze it! He's got you and David.

I feel like this site is a safe place to come and express our emotions where we are understood and and we can just let it out. I feel we help each other when we do that as well as ourselves. We all post good and bad, it helps others. I may not know you and David personally Cindy but you are my sister and brother in Christ and therefoere I love you! God Bless!

sadinholland
Posts: 233
Joined: Apr 2011

I have been up all night thinking about you and your son. Thinking, praying, crying. You have had so many encouraging words for so many of us on this site, I wish I could find the right ones for you. I just can't sleep knowing what you and yor son are going through right now. I know God will see you through this. I know He will!

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Cindy,

It is with great sadness that I read your posting. Brings back such sad memories. You have been so strong through this miserable illness. I hope when you are able to (I know it is hard when you don't want to be away from your son) you will get help for yourself. Never thought I would go to counseling, but I do and it has helped. It was the one place I could vent and say all the things I could never say to anyone else. Most hospitals do have support services specifically for cancer patients and their families. I joined a young widows group. It was very helpful. I could talk to people who really knew exactly what I was going through. We stil keep in touch.

I am so sorry for what David and your family are going through. So unfair, so wrong. Will pray for all of you.

Becky

BenLenBo's picture
BenLenBo
Posts: 142
Joined: Feb 2012

Cindy and David,
Just read your post, we have been thinking about you, wondering how David was managing his treatment. I know this is hard.. I dealt with a friend last year struggling with cancer. In sitting with her, the stress of her caregiver was what bothered her the most. When she would call me to come, she would tell her family to leave for X number of hours, for her sanity and theirs. Those breaks were needed to hold everyone together, and recharge their spirit, along with relieving the stress of caregiving. She would love when they came back, laughing and sharing their day. That meant more to her than anything in the world.
Has David been back to his apartment, even for a few hours? Is he well enough to take a small day trip, stop for breakfast, coffee, etc? I would take my friend for small drives, visit a flower garden, park, Dairy Queen, got her hooked on StarBucks iced drinks, she looked forward to these trips and her husband loved, seeing the smile on her face when we came back.
You are the most caring and loving mother, David knows you are putting him first in
life. I pray for you to find the inner peace and strength to carry on each day, but also,
for you to find time for yourself- A Bubble Bath? Soft Music? Low Lights? 20 Minutes?
**Remember you need to take care of yourself, so you can be there for David.**

(((Hugs)))

Carol & Benjamin

connsteele
Posts: 232
Joined: May 2011

Cindy, I truly feel your pain. Please know that you are his earthly angel right now, taking care of him the way no one else could. I know what you mean about not wanting to have regrets. You are doing the right thing. I have some regrets. For example, his RC car. He didn't have the fine motor or the stamina to work on it, and put it back together, but we had every intention of asking someone who knew about RC cars to come over, put it back together, then take it out with him for a few runs. But that never happened...for one thing, it was winter and we thought we'd wait until the weather warmed up. Well, by that time, he was too weak for that. Same with his paintball gun. But that is not what hurts the most right now. It's not having our David here. We had his memorial service this past Saturday and it was comforting to see all the people who came out...even high school friends who had not had contact with him since then (15 years or more).
Also, I encourage you to ask for help from others. Our experience was that everyone kept saying "if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know." Sometimes, I think we could have asked for more help. I got so I would suggest someone to do something, knowing full well that I could have done it myself. It made them feel better.

We are doing OK...have real ups and downs. We had out of town company here over the weekend, and our daughter's fiance is leaving tomorrow. Our daughter flies back to her home next Monday. After that, I think it will be crash time. I'm going to allow myself to do that.
Please take care of yourself, and keep in touch. My email is connsteele@msn.com

Hugs and prayers, Connie

LeslieLand's picture
LeslieLand
Posts: 49
Joined: Feb 2012

Cindy, I don't post often here, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and your David every single day. I wish I was close enough to take YOU for a coffee and some quiet talking and some hugs.

I, too, was incredibly saddened by Todd's passing. He was the only other person I'd found, after months, with the same diagnosis (DIPG)as my husband. I feel like I've been a constant stress ball since he was diagnosed, because we knew from the beginning it would take him- it is a matter of WHEN, not IF. I've been trying to find a support group for weeks, but keep striking out. They are all either on the weekends or evenings, and I will not take my 3 year old daughter with me, and I won't leave her home with her daddy for that either. So, for now, I'm sticking to all of you wonderful people here.

Katie, big hugs to you, too.

Connie, hugs, and I'm so glad to hear you are going to allow yourself to "crash." When my father died, I did the same thing as soon as all the guests left town. Keeping you in my thoughts, too.

Leslie

cdolive4
Posts: 34
Joined: Sep 2011

Cindy, it was good to hear from you, even though things are really tough right now. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you, and sending good thoughts your way. Love, CindyO

cindysuetoyou's picture
cindysuetoyou
Posts: 508
Joined: Dec 2009

Thank you to everyone who replied and encouraged me with their concern and care. It means a lot to me. I feel isolated because I am staying home so much and reading your posts makes me feel like I am not so alone.

About 2 1/2, 3 weeks ago, I had to drag David up to Portland (an hour drive) to see that palliative care doctor again. I couldn't get out of it. If we want pain medicine (and David needs pain medicine), we have to see that dr. He is the one who handles pain management, not our NO. So we headed up there 2 hours early so we could go to David's favorite sushi place for lunch, then go to the appt and then be back on the freeway before the traffic got bad. Good plan….but there was a wreck on the freeway and we were at a complete stop for a long time. We ended up reaching the hospital with just a few minutes to spare before our appt. David wanted me to drop him off at the elevator lobby in the parking lot because he felt too weak to walk very far. I had a bad feeling because David is not trustworthy…he could totally wander off or go to the bathroom or go on to the appt without me. But I did it anyway, and I told him to STAY THERE….in the glassed-in area of the parking lot in front of the elevators. I parked and ran to meet him, and as I ran up, I saw that he had his pants open and unzipped. I ran up to him and said, "No, David!!!! No, you cannot pee right here!" (We both had to go really bad because we had large Starbucks drinks on the ride and we were stuck in traffic for so long.) David said, "Too late." I looked around surreptitiously and didn't see a mark on the concrete anywhere. I said, "Where did you go?" He said, "Right here," and he handed me his full Starbucks cup. In retrospect, it's slightly funny, but at the time, I was horrified that he peed out in public in front of masses of people getting off and on the elevators. I took the cup and was like, what am I going to do with this? I saw a huge dumpster and I just chucked it in there. I felt bad but I didn't know what else to do with it. We were a long way from any bathrooms.

So we went on to the appt and it was bad. Bad for me, maybe not that bad for David. I can't tell how things are affecting him. He does not show any emotion whatsoever….maybe that's a blessing in disguise. The dr asked David what he would like to do. David said, "I'd really like to play basketball again. I dream about it every night." I covered my eyes with my hand and I tried so hard to keep my emotions suppressed, in check…I tried so hard that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I got all sweaty and I heard a roaring in my ears and I got lightheaded….and then I started crying without moving or making any noise. I had hot molten tears running out in a steady pour with no break in them. I said really quietly to the dr, "I'm dying inside." I think I felt worse than I might feel if David just died outright. Idk maybe I am just fooling myself. I just know that the emotional pain was almost more than I could bear. The doctor and his student dr that was observing just said some trite stuff that didn't help, and David looked at me and put his hand on my shoulder. I don't know if he knew why I was crying. Anyway, the visit didn't help--it only stirred up pain for me--but the dr did give me a huge prescription for pain meds for David. He also told David that he needed to get out and do stuff that he enjoyed. He needed to play and to laugh. Good luck with that.

So we got lunch and took it back to David's apartment which I didn't want to do. I don't want to go to David's apartment and then have to make him leave. We ate and he asked if he could lay down until the traffic got better. I said sure. When it was time to wake him up to leave, I had this thought…I wondered when he woke up, if he would feel like it was all a bad dream, and everything was all right and he was home in his apartment that he loves and healthy and everything would be okay. I got so upset and I could not quit crying. It's like once I get started, I can't get a grip. So I woke David up and I was standing outside his bedroom trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying, and I heard a thump and I ran in there, and he was on the floor having a tonic clonic (grand mal) seizure. I just started crying really hard and I was so shook up that when I called 911 I couldn't remember his address or anything. So the paramedics came and transported him to OHSU's ER, they did a CT and it didn't show any medical emergency that needed immediate treatment, so we ended up going back to Salem around 3 am. We were in the ER for about 7 hours. I was so drained by the time we got home that it was hard for me to walk, much less help David into the house and into bed.

The CT showed a slight reduction in the overall mass effect. I guess that's good because they didn't even expect to see any changes for two months. But I am not all that excited because David is so sick and impaired.

The next day, David called a friend and they went to watch a bb game. It was with the league that David played in (and dominated) back in the day. David didn't realize that the game was about to start, and he went out on the court to make a few shots like everyone does before a game. The gym got really quiet because everyone knows David and what he is going through. He took two steps towards the basket and he fell down on his stomach. His legs are so weak---they just gave out on him. A bunch of people ran out and helped him up and they passed the ball to him while he stood under the hoop. He couldn't even throw the ball high enough to brush the net. I wasn't there but I heard all about it from several different people. I don't think David realized that he was that bad. The whole thing made me cry super hard again for a long time.

So a few days later, I took David back to that gym (I have keys) and the two of us stood under the basket and I rebounded for him and he took about 50 shots. He finally made two of them. I jumped up and down and screamed and yelled and he smiled. That was on Tuesday and he is still worn out from it. He hasn't felt like going back yet. He gets Avastin on Tuesday if his counts are okay, so we may not make it back to that gym for a while.

He has started with another issue. He is having a lot of trouble swallowing his pills. I have to put each one of them in pudding and even with that, it's a battle. He can eat food normally….it's just when he has to concentrate on swallowing pills. He takes 8 pills in the am and 6 at night, and pain pills in between. Idk why he's having this trouble. Is the tumor encroaching on the part of his brain that controls swallowing? He had this problem before when he had brain swelling from the BBBD.

He is also wetting and having bms in his pants. At first it was in his sleep (wetting) but now he did it when he was up and eating at the dinner table. He also feels a bm coming but can't get to the toilet in time. I tell him no big deal, it will only take me 5 to 15 minutes to clean up and it will be like it never happened. I have a good system to clean up but it takes a lot out of me and I don't have enough clean sheets etc to handle multiple accidents. I'm worn out. He doesn't do this all the time, though. But lately it's been more often…..

He falls a lot and he is covered in bruises. He has bruises on the inside of his elbows, the top of his forearms, his wrists and the back of his hands from IV's. Also a wicked one on his chest from where they accessed his port for chemo two weeks ago. The paramedics had trouble getting one started and they tried a bunch of different spots. He has bruises on his chin, shins, knees, elbows and hip from falls. He has a mass of bloody purple bruises on his stomach from the 2x a day enoxaparin shots. He has horrible stretch marks like I've never seen, on his hips and behind his armpits. The ones on his hips look like they are bleeding under the skin, and the one behind his armpit is so deep, like a little canyon. I can barely look at them--they look so bad. It's because of the weight gain from the steroids. He takes 12 mg a day. His face is so puffy that some family members didn't recognize him on Easter. He has a huge pot belly like a basketball and he stands funny, with his stomach kind of thrust out. He is unrecognizable from how he used to be…so slim and lean and ripped. Smiling and joking and loving and happy…..

He is so weak that he can barely walk from the bedroom to the kitchen for meals. I try to make him do it because I know that the more time he spends in bed, the weaker he will be. But it's hard for me to force him to get up and do stuff when he does NOT want to. It's not because he's depressed…it's because he feels so sick and miserable and weak. But he is depressed too.

I asked him if he was annoyed with me and he didn't answer. I said that I wouldn't be mad or hurt, I just wanted to know so I could stop doing whatever was annoying him. I talk so gently to him….I am amazed at how patient I am. I was always such an impatient person….but I'm never impatient with David. I was giving him his shot when I asked him if he was annoyed with me, and he said, "Well, this doesn't help." I said, 'I know, David, and I hate it. But I have to do it." He said, "It's not anything you are doing. I just want to go home." I had to leave his room so he wouldn't see me melt down. He is never ever going to go home.

Now my husband is pressuring me to agree to give up David's apartment. They just raised his rent again. He hasn't stayed there since December. I am not rational about it and I refuse to consider it. I don't give a XXXX about the money. I could light a match to it and be happy about it. I just cannot take that hope and dream away from David. My husband backed off. I think he's nervous that I am cracking up. I finally told my husband that I would carefully bring it up and ASK David if' he'd like to give up his apartment for a time and get it back later, and if David was okay with that, then okay. But I WILL NOT put any pressure on David. I may be a fool and a jerk and I know from a money point of view, it's stupid (we are really broke these days) but I don't care. I just can't go there right now….the thought of moving his stuff out and leaving there for the last time makes me cry….everything makes me cry, I guess.

David has a wicked cough right now, and a runny nose. The seizure dr told us that an infection could very easily trigger a seizure. So I am on even bigger pins and needles, running down the hall every time I hear any thumps or bumps. I am driving myself crazy doing it. I'm also concerned that he won't be able to get treated on Tuesday.

Well, now that I have shared what a nutcase I am, I am going to say that I am okay, and I will survive this. I had a little epiphany….it's possible to believe in God, to trust God fully, to believe in eternity, to believe that David will be in Heaven if/when he dies, to believe that I will see him again one day, to believe that it's going to be okay even if/when David dies…it's possible to believe all these things and still cry a lot and be absolutely sick with grief. I mean, how can anyone see their son wither away in front of their eyes and not be heartbroken and cry a lot? I know that God understands and feels my pain and that He grieves for me and for David too.

Please don't think I'm a hypocrite…..but I read this incredible Scripture the other day. It's talking about the coming birth of Christ…"Because of God's tender mercy, the morning light from Heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace. (Luke 1:78-79 NLT) I was shocked by how much this Scripture speaks to me. I feel like I am sitting in the shadow of death, and I want to be on a path of peace. I think this is a beautiful Scripture and it brings peace to me. I need to read it every 30 minutes, I guess.

Thank you again for your concern and support. I know that you can all relate to what I'm going through and that you all are going through the same anguish, grief and heartbreak as I am. I feel like you guys are handling it better than I am, but maybe that's because I share every emotion and thought that passes through my mind, and most of you have more restraint. :)

Love, blessings, strength and peace to all of you (and me too),
Cindy

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Cindy,

My heart breaks for you. I think of you and David often and I am praying for both of you.
Becky

alutiiqmom's picture
alutiiqmom
Posts: 256
Joined: Jun 2011

Hi Cindy and David:

My heart breaks for you. But, I want to let you know what a wonderful Mother you are. I am sure that David suffers much less than he would if he did not have you as his Mother. I think you should read whatever scripture gives you peace. I completely understand not wanting to give up David's apartment. How could money mean anything in this world when one of children is suffering so - nothing else matters. I remain in faith during Sarah's journey and I encourage you to as well. I wish you easeir days with David. God Bless you at every moment Cindy.

Love, Edna

LeslieLand's picture
LeslieLand
Posts: 49
Joined: Feb 2012

Cindy,
I can say that I think you are handling this with incredible grace and strength. I think you need to keep sharing; you need to do whatever you can to keep on. You are such an incredible mother, and I do think that David truly knows that. My heart breaks for you and David every time I read something you write, but please do not stop. Do not feel as though you are bringing any of us down. I think we all want to help you and lift you up.

I will continue to keep you and David and your family in my thoughts, and sending strength and peace to you.

Much love,
Leslie

I_Promise's picture
I_Promise
Posts: 210
Joined: Aug 2011

I have been thinking for a long time how to respond to your courageous posts. Your love for David shines through every sentences.

I cried for David, I cry for everyone diagnosed with this horrible illness. Cancer is bad to beginning with, but brain cancer? It robs you of who you are! I remember my sister choking through her tears "I would have preferred to have any kind of cancer but not my brain!"

I can't help remembering the David of your previous posts and comparing with the David now and this is why we suffer so much as caregivers: this is not fast, you loose the person you love slowly. I remember the post where David was at a hotel next to the NIH and he was talking to a man; when the man learned that he was a brain cancer patient, he could not believe it. And now poor David peeing in his starbuck and falling on the basketball court... it breaks my heart. I mourn the other David, the young athletic funny David of your previous posts.

Thank you for writing. For the majority with this disease this is the reality of the future. But hope is ever present to be part of the lucky few or that a breakthrough comes along.

I send all my love to you and your family. I think of David every day.

4theloveofmysis's picture
4theloveofmysis
Posts: 248
Joined: Apr 2011

Im glad that you can come on here and share your feelings. I stopped coming on here so much because I dont know that it is that healthy for me now. But I think about you and David all the time and wanted to check and see how things were going.I wish that I could think of just the right words to say, but I dont have them. Nothing seems to make this better.
You are in my thoughts and prayers all the time. If I were to live close by I would come and give you a big hug. You are a wonderful Mom, you keep doing what you are doing. We are all here for you.
Love Brenda
P.S. please take care of yourself too.

kate2kate
Posts: 19
Joined: Dec 2011

Beating the beast and having good lives

Cindy- my heart hurt for you as I read your posts. I cried all the way through this thread. I know that I have no words that can make you feel better and since we are at the beginning of this journey I can not really relate to the horrible pain that you are going through. I so appreciate your honesty in the posts you write. It shows me some of the reality of what the future may hold that no one will tell you about. So not only are you a terrific mother, but you have inspired and encouraged me to be the best wife and mother that I can be. I just hope when the time comes I will be able to be as strong as you are. I am sure there are others that you have helped with your posts. Connie's post have also been open and honest and I appreciate her's as well and feel terrible for her loss.

I am sure you are not getting a full nights sleep. Everything is harder when you are tired. Can your husband take care of David for a night so you could just sleep. And like the others have said pleas take a break, you will be better for it.

Since you wrote that you like to read about people beating the beast and having good lives I am now going to write about positive thing.
First our Beagle Potter who had the apple size tumor removed from his neck. The did not get it all because it was intertwined in his juglular valine
And it tested as an aggressive cancer. Well he is still going strong. He still steals food from the youngest pugs. Pushes the cabinet door open to try to steal chips, loves walks, and wrestle with the youngest pug. Maybe he is part cat and he has 9lives.

I now think Dave (hubby) is living in denial again. He told the neighbor across the street that yeah the tumor shrunk by %50 and it's no big deal. We don't see them much in the winter then when it's nice out we see them more and chat more. Well his wife just had triplets (and they also have a 2 year old) the third baby just came home so we went to see them. They were so adorable and there were enough babies to go around. So I was holding one and Dave was holding one. Dave was smiling from ear to ear. It was nice just enjoying the simple pleasures. Sam (my 8 year old) played with their 2 year old and then held a baby with my help. Dave and Sam left and the topic of Dave not being able to drive came up and Joanna looked confused. So I asked her didn't her husband tell her about the tumor and she told me yes but that it is shrinking and it was no big deal. She was shocked when I told her the truth. And Dave at home is just acting like Dave. He is not living any differently than before tumor. some of keeping things the same is due to having an 8 year old. His life needs to remain as normal as possible. But we do squeeze in small family fun things like going to friendly for lunch and getting a huge sundae after . Sam loves Legos and they can play for hours in the basement. And last time my dad came up we started teaching Sam to play poker. (nice huh teacher an 8 year old to gamble). Dave's sister comes once a week and they run errands and have lunch and we hang out and chat a bit. This gets Dave out of the house and has time away from me.

The biggest step was 2weeks ago he asked if we had plans this weekend. I said no why? He said he wanted to go to a concert and would ask his friends to go. I of course said go. This is the first time he made plans in the future, actually any plans at all. And he asked someone to do something. I decided that if Dave is living in denial again and he lives he life happier and better then I am not going to do any thing to change that this time. He was in totall denial when he did the 6 weeks of radiation and chemo. No one knew he thought the tumor would be gone, so when got the news it shrunk %50 he got really depressed and would not get out of bed. It then I called hisNO and they said this is good for this point in treatment and I told Dave that and some other things and he joined reality again. His family tends to put their heads in the sand instead of standing up to problems face on. So as long as he is happy for now I am not touching it. But we do go for a MRI on Tue. He has finished 2 cycles of 5/23.

OH and my Sam used to be the shy kid hiding behind my legs. Well he is in third grade and graduates from his school this year so they put on a concert. He told me last week that he got a speaking role which means he has to talk by himself. I am so proud of him. Dave, I and his 2 grandmothers are going to the concert.

Cindy I will be thinking about you and David and I will check here more often. I wish I could give you a big hug and we could cry together (I will bring the case of tissues.) I hope my rambling at least took your mind off of everything for at least 2 minutes.

Lesley - I will answer your post in the other thread in a day or 2.

Everyone take care and be well.
By the way I was too tired to read this over for typos. I stayed up too late and I have to get Sam on the bus tomorrow am.

Hugs,
Katie

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