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Overwhelming sadness

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi

I am overwhelmed with sadness. My sweet wonderful Mom passed away on Feb 14. She was in hospice for one week. I was there for her almost all the time, the last five years. During that time my only brother died suddenly too.
I have put off my own treatment since last fall to be available for my Mom.
I just feel so totally lost and alone.
I tried to do everything that I could to give her the best last years of her life. It feels like I didn't do enough. How will I go on without her. I miss her so much.
She always had a smile on her face, which helped me so much with all my fears.
I just can't believe that I am alone. I really need her, I know that is selfish, but I just miss her so much.
I try to be strong on the outside, but inside my heart is broken. Everynight I cry. I am so lost.
I am so very very sad.
No one seems to understand how hard this is for me.
I just feel so alone..

Cindy Bear
Posts: 564
Joined: Jul 2009

I am so sorry for your losses. It's so hard I know. I lost my mother June 2009 to uterine cancer. She started treatment in Feb of 09 and 4 mos. later she was gone. This Fri. 3/30 would have been her 82nd bday. I am still struggling most days.. it's gotten better but I still can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that she's gone. I am still plagued with anger, shock, bitterness... I am also very very sad. I put on a happy face and go thru the motions so as not to worry family and friends. People mean well, but most of them are outside looking in, and have no clue. I've had friends say things like, "Still?" when I've told them I am struggline so I don't say that anymore. I also lost my FIL suddenly to a heart attack in 2010 and 2 mos. after him, my BIL to esoph. cancer, he'd been ill a long time. I guess you could say I feel pretty shellshocked right now. You aren't alone, and we do understand. Big hugs,Cindy

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Cindy,

Thank you for your very kind and understanding words. Tonight has been a bit better, no major melt down. I am so sorry to hear about all your loss too. I agree that people mean well but just don't have a clue what I really am feeling. It's just so hard.
Thanks again for your kindness.
Hugs to you too..

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

I can empathize with you more than I want :)

My brother passed away suddenly in May 2010, one day before my husband was diagnosed with throat cancer. My husband is in remission now (thank you, Lord) but I lost my mother April 2011.

I think I just walked around like an automaton in many ways during that time, fearing that if I broke down and cried I wouldn't be able to stop. That's not the advice I would give anyone, forme.

Grieving is an important and necessary part of our lives. Some people have a clue, some don't but most do care. You'll have to let them know what you need when you need it.

Hugs, forme. I know this is not easy. It is hard. But you can do it.

forme's picture
forme
Posts: 1158
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Noellesmom,

I'm so sorry about your brother, it's such a shock. I am still trying to deal with my brothers passing too.
Losing your Mom after your brother does sound alot like what I am going through. It's just so so hard.

Mostly I cry alone at night. I do feel that if I cry in front of others I may not stop. Plus I try to put on my strong brave face. I just miss her so much.

It is wonderful that your husband is in remission. Enjoy every day...

Thank you for your kind words. Hugs to you too.

Lisha

Noellesmom
Posts: 1312
Joined: Aug 2010

And how is your treatment going, Lisha? You didn't mention if you are taking treatments right now or not.

That's an additional stressor for you.

I miss my mom, too. It is Saturday today and when she was still with me I would have been hurrying through my housework in order to take her out shopping and let her buy my lunch :). That always pleased her, even when I had to start signing the receipt at the restaurant because she couldn't see it without her glasses and couldn't find her glasses!

Our mothers are always in our hearts. Maybe they ARE our hearts!

Hugs.

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 2072
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi Lisha,

I was just perusing the boards and saw your post.
Just wanted to say "hi" and send hugs.
You can private message me anytime you like.

I'm finding myself in holes here lately too but so far
I'm managing to dig myself out. I just hope my
"shovel" doesn't dwindle down to the size of those that come
with those childrens sand pails ;).

Super concentrated hugs your way,

Jim

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

One day at a time...I lost my mother 10 months ago to Ovarian cancer....She fought a valiant and courageous battle...but it's a brutal monster of a disease....some days I am ok...others are really tough....but I know my mother doesn't want me to be miserable....she spent her life trying to make sure we would all be ok after she was gone....I owe it to her legacy to try hard. I am profoundly changed by her death.....and try to see the gifts in her life and what she gave me in her dying process: courage, love, passion for life, forgiveness, trust, etc. I am sorry for your loss, it is huge and it is painful. But we are so lucky that we had these realtionships.....I don't have a close relationship with my father and so try to be grateful for the amazing mother I had....we are lucky for that....I don't know if any of this makes sense....I know you will get through this, and again my deepest condolences. Sincerely, Lisa

Dacha
Posts: 13
Joined: Apr 2012

Reading all your grief experiences, I have just thought how this experience has an universal character. I am not from the United States. I live in one small European country. My mother lived with cancer for five years and passed away six days ago. Feelings I have had in these days, emotional storms I have gone through - everything is so similar to your experiences although we belong to slightly different social/cultural backgrounds.

I am very, very sad and feel a deep pain inside of me, but I feel better when I read your experiences. Somehow, your stories normalize my story.

I strongly hope that our beloved mommies, daddies, husbands, partners, children,... found peace. I hope that they will give us the necessary strength for our future lives without their physical presence.

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