Stage IV with young dependents

reenw
reenw Member Posts: 5
in Colorectal Cancer #1
It's been two weeks since we had the devastating news and I feel like I have been through all the stages of grief and back again. I hadn't heard of "Kubler Ross" until I desperately trawled the internet searching for anything that would ease the pain. I now understand why "bargaining" is part of grief, as I would give anything to go back in time or trade places, however now it's time to fight.

My 35 year old wife has been diagnosed with Stage IV Colon cancer, innumerable Lesions on the liver and some on the lungs. We have four beautiful children, 6, 3 and 11 month twins ... Life is both kind and cruel. The added irony of our situation is that my wife actually treated patients as a pediatric oncology nurse, and she came home crying for them. Now she is crying for herself.

We are ignoring the statistical evidence, as we feel it is both outdated and based on a different demographic. We are pushing for aggressive treatment based on her age and the dependents involved. My wife is staying away from the internet and instead using her medical contacts for research. I am praying for my family ..... we will beat this !

Part of my rationale for posting is the need to get emotions out of my head and heart. Other reasons are to benefit from someone else's similar experience. If anyone is willing to share a their story about a similar situation with young dependents, to give me something I can show my wife, I would appreciate it .... once again .... we will beat this !

Comments

  • chrissy83
    chrissy83 Member Posts: 17 Member
    #2
    Hi,
    Soo sorry you and your
    Hi,

    Soo sorry you and your family are going through this terrible nightmare... Iam 28 and was diagnosed whilst 20 weeks pregnant I also had a 6 month old baby boy at the time.. I was diagnsoed with stage 3c went through all of the chemo, surgery including c section of my baby girl at 31 weeks I have dealt with blood clots ect and now Iam dealing with the nasty cancer coming back in my distant lymph nodes.....

    The first few weeks after being diagnosed were def the worste...I ask my self time and time again how will I ever smile again knowing Iam going to die leaving my two babies without a mummy..But 2 years into this journey I smile, I laugh and I just try and enjoy every moment I can with my family..

    I am still doing chemo its really not as bad as I thought. I have also taken an alternaive path with supplements, iv vit c no sugar ect..And I guess doing the alternative things seem to give me a little bit of control and a little bit of hope. There are a few people who are on this forum scouty being one who decided to take the alternative juicing path and they are now considered cured..Scouty also had it in liver and lungs so this keeps me going.

    I can't speak for my husband but I know he is doing it tough he doesn't like to talk about my situation but I guess we just put it in the back of our minds and deal with whatever situation we are faced with when i comes along... Other then my story I really don't know what else to say it brings tears to my eyes knowing other families are going through this.You Just Don't give up hope and don't listen to statistics we are young and otherwise healthy.

    Chrissy
  • belindahill
    belindahill Member Posts: 144
    #3
    Stage 3c with mets
    Hello reenw, its very hard to come to terms with whats happening, I went through the same with my husband 18 months ago, stage 3c, op then 6mth xeloda, 3mths off chemo then ct shown mets in peritoneum, one on lung and one on liver, so another 6mths of avastin, oxliplatin and xeloda, my husband started back to work 5 mths, swims and has started playing squash! We have just returned from week end away, and are enjoying life as well as we can, we dont think too much about what the future holds, my youngest daughter is expecting a baby in april. My husband is 54, we didn't ask for this but have learned to live with it, my heart and thoughts go out to you and your family, any thing you would like to ask me I will try and help. Belinda.
  • plh4gail
    plh4gail Member Posts: 1,238 Member
    #4
    I am so sorry to hear about
    I am so sorry to hear about your news. I am a stage 3C. We love our caregivers, bless you! You have come to a good place for support and to hear experiences.

    plh4gail
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #5
    Sorry to hear about your wife
    I was 46 when dx 8 years ago with stage IV CC. My sons were 10 and 4 at the time. It can be VERY difficult as you are finding out.
    I am happy to hear your wife is staying off the Internet and using her resources instead. I don't know what part of the country you are in, but Dr Nancy Kemeny at MSKCC (Sloan Kettering) in NYC is one of the leading oncologists in the nation and a pioneer of HAI pump therapy for treating colon cancer that has spread to the liver. She's helped a few on this forum and countess others outside of here.
    It's worth looking into.
    -p
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #6
    PhillieG said:

    Sorry to hear about your wife
    I was 46 when dx 8 years ago with stage IV CC. My sons were 10 and 4 at the time. It can be VERY difficult as you are finding out.
    I am happy to hear your wife is staying off the Internet and using her resources instead. I don't know what part of the country you are in, but Dr Nancy Kemeny at MSKCC (Sloan Kettering) in NYC is one of the leading oncologists in the nation and a pioneer of HAI pump therapy for treating colon cancer that has spread to the liver. She's helped a few on this forum and countess others outside of here.
    It's worth looking into.
    -p

    I am so sorry
    so so very sorry. I am old......65...my daughter was in university with my stage IV diagnosis.
    I cannot not even begin to think the pain, and confusion both you and your wife must be feeling.

    I guess if nothing else we oldsters can give you some hope.....I am 8 years from diagnosis....lots of chemo and 2 liver resections but still here. There is hope... a long road but there is hope.

    with all best love and a welcome

    maggie
  • smokeyjoe
    smokeyjoe Member Posts: 1,425 Member
    #7
    maglets said:

    I am so sorry
    so so very sorry. I am old......65...my daughter was in university with my stage IV diagnosis.
    I cannot not even begin to think the pain, and confusion both you and your wife must be feeling.

    I guess if nothing else we oldsters can give you some hope.....I am 8 years from diagnosis....lots of chemo and 2 liver resections but still here. There is hope... a long road but there is hope.

    with all best love and a welcome

    maggie

    I can't even begin to
    I can't even begin to comprehend what you're going through, taking care of babies while dealing with chemo. and side effects is so hard to take. Best wishes to you, glad you found this site for support, there are many on here that can offer advice for chemo. related questions and issues you may have.
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #8
    So sorry about this diagnosis
    I'm praying for your wife and your family.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    #9
    So sorry to hear
    This is so unfair this cancer stuff that happens to so many good people. Your wife has the right attitude and seems to be ready to do whatever it takes to fight this. We will be praying for her and praying for everyone else.
    Jeff
  • reenw
    reenw Member Posts: 5
    #10
    chrissy83 said:

    Hi,
    Soo sorry you and your
    Hi,

    Soo sorry you and your family are going through this terrible nightmare... Iam 28 and was diagnosed whilst 20 weeks pregnant I also had a 6 month old baby boy at the time.. I was diagnsoed with stage 3c went through all of the chemo, surgery including c section of my baby girl at 31 weeks I have dealt with blood clots ect and now Iam dealing with the nasty cancer coming back in my distant lymph nodes.....

    The first few weeks after being diagnosed were def the worste...I ask my self time and time again how will I ever smile again knowing Iam going to die leaving my two babies without a mummy..But 2 years into this journey I smile, I laugh and I just try and enjoy every moment I can with my family..

    I am still doing chemo its really not as bad as I thought. I have also taken an alternaive path with supplements, iv vit c no sugar ect..And I guess doing the alternative things seem to give me a little bit of control and a little bit of hope. There are a few people who are on this forum scouty being one who decided to take the alternative juicing path and they are now considered cured..Scouty also had it in liver and lungs so this keeps me going.

    I can't speak for my husband but I know he is doing it tough he doesn't like to talk about my situation but I guess we just put it in the back of our minds and deal with whatever situation we are faced with when i comes along... Other then my story I really don't know what else to say it brings tears to my eyes knowing other families are going through this.You Just Don't give up hope and don't listen to statistics we are young and otherwise healthy.

    Chrissy

    I should say a big thank you
    I should say a big thank you to everyone for their supportive words. I think experiences like these bring out the best in people, which is clear from the responses. I read the stories to my wife this morning and she felt an overwhelming feeling of hope and support.

    We meet our Oncologist this week, for the first time. I have written a bunch of questions down around treatment regimes and specifics about my wife's diagnosis. I presume that is all we can do for now.

    I think that people undergoing treatment now benefit from the latest advances in science, and in the treatment of CC this is significant. I understand that the leading place in the world for cancer treatment is the US and two of the leading centers are MSK and MD Anderson. We are based in Canada so access to this expertise is difficult, but not impossible. I will be asking about the suggested HAI Therapy, as I watched the video on MSK's site and seems to be quite promising (Thanks for the suggestion). Is there anything else, I should ask our Oncologist about new treatment for CC, currently unavailable in Canada ?

    Chrissy83, your story has a lot of parallels to our our situation. How did you manage care for your children and yourself during your therapy ? I think I may have to cut back on work and get a fulltime nanny, certainly makes finances a challenge. One thing about our situations, is that we have little smiling faces that keep us positive and remind us why we have to fight so hard.

    My prayers are that we all get through it. Thanks again everyone.
  • tommycat
    tommycat Member Posts: 790 Member
    #11
    Hello
    Hello and Welcome to the Board~
    I'm sure your mind is spinning so I'd thought I'd offer some things that worked for us. I was dx Stage 3 in spring 2009, and at that time our twins were age 4. (Congrats on the twins!)
    1. Have lots and lots of help, whether family or hired, and have it spaced out over a year or so. This will give you a break, plus perhaps cheer up your wife.
    2. Have a trusted friend start a meal train for your family, so that the rest of the family has a hot, nutritious meal delivered a couple times a week.
    3. Most of the sites that help you schedule a meal train (MealTrain, Lotsa Helping Hands, Caring Bridges, etc.) also have a spot where you can blog about your wife, thereby eliminating the tiresome, although well-meant, stream of questions.
    4. Cancer treatment gets progressively harder. With this knowledge, plan ahead for times that the kids are out of the house, perhaps to a movie or the park so Mommy can have some pure quiet.
    5. Count on the unexpected--the 'one step forward, two steps back' syndrome and realize this is part of the process.
    That's what comes to the front of my mind. Very sorry that you and your family have to go through all of this.
  • reenw
    reenw Member Posts: 5
    #12
    tommycat said:

    Hello
    Hello and Welcome to the Board~
    I'm sure your mind is spinning so I'd thought I'd offer some things that worked for us. I was dx Stage 3 in spring 2009, and at that time our twins were age 4. (Congrats on the twins!)
    1. Have lots and lots of help, whether family or hired, and have it spaced out over a year or so. This will give you a break, plus perhaps cheer up your wife.
    2. Have a trusted friend start a meal train for your family, so that the rest of the family has a hot, nutritious meal delivered a couple times a week.
    3. Most of the sites that help you schedule a meal train (MealTrain, Lotsa Helping Hands, Caring Bridges, etc.) also have a spot where you can blog about your wife, thereby eliminating the tiresome, although well-meant, stream of questions.
    4. Cancer treatment gets progressively harder. With this knowledge, plan ahead for times that the kids are out of the house, perhaps to a movie or the park so Mommy can have some pure quiet.
    5. Count on the unexpected--the 'one step forward, two steps back' syndrome and realize this is part of the process.
    That's what comes to the front of my mind. Very sorry that you and your family have to go through all of this.

    Meal Train
    These are helpful points. We feel a little overwhelmed by the support and offers by friends to deliver food etc, which is why we haven't embraced it fully. We just kept finding food on our doorstep from the day we went "public" to our community. Mom's from our kids school, friends, acquaintances, colleagues etc. all seemed to want to do something, so they brought food. Heart warming to know that my wife is so loved, but still all this attention, even though well meaning, is new to us.

    However, maybe as you suggest it is time to accept the help, as chemo treatment is only a week away. The sites you mentioned are a good idea.

    Thanks and congrats on your twins !

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