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david54
Posts: 115
Joined: Apr 2009

How are your children handling the loss of their parent?

I have a daughter-she was 24 when my wife, her mother died, 18 months ago. She is our only child. I sometimes worry how she is processing her mother’s death. She and her mom had a “bond” I cannot replicate. I am a believer in the maternal bond, a woman carries a child in her womb for an average of 9 months and the attachment is so strong, the relationship is unique between a mother and daughter.

I was going though albums last night, hundreds of photos my wife took. A lifetime of memories. I found report cards, vacation memories, awards, achievements from second grade.

I want to take some old photos of when my daughter danced ballet, competed in gymnastics and karate, and then take a photograph of her when she graduates this May. I want to put a silhouette of her mother looking at her in the background of each photo, and in the last, with her graduating from college, looking down on Erin with a bright light next to her. I will frame them and give them to my daughter as a gift.

I thought I could somehow walk away and move on with life after the death of my wife. I am learning that after being with someone for 35 years; it does not work that way. No matter what I do, how I go forward, my deceased wife will be with me and the grieving process will never completely go away.

I can live with that. I have no choice.

Thanks

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

That sounds like a lovely idea. My boys were in there late 30's when we lost Doug. I know they miss him. Agreed, we don't just move on after many years together. We had 42 years of marriage and 3 years of dating before that. Everywhere I go I have memories of us. Even when I went to Europe where neither of us had been, I saw things that reminded me of him. That doesn't mean that I am not coping with the loss, I'm just living with it. I'm lucky that my memories are good ones and usually bring a smile. Doug will always be with me. That's ok with me, too. He was a great guy. Fay

david54
Posts: 115
Joined: Apr 2009

Thank you Fay. I really appreciate your posts-you are a very kind, supportive person. This support network is fortunate to have you.

David

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