It won't be much longer now before my Mom leaves this world forever. One week ago, I am stressing about changing her depends, days later its switching her to very soft foods, and now she is practically in a coma.
I am a MESS as you can imagine.
A few days ago we had a foley catheter put in. It really relieved my Mom's anxiety about going to the bathroom, but within 24 hours, we never understood anything she has said again.
Yesterday, she had a fever and needed massive amounts of medicine. Her lungs are filling up with fluid and they started her on oxygen. All I can hear is the "death rattle" with every breath she takes. She has not been conscious most of the day and I just tried to wake her for meds and could not get her conscious.
YES-- I have nurses-- YES she is on hospice-- YES I know what is happening-- I know what I am supposed to do. No-- I'm not panicked. I am SCARED for the PAIN of when the breathing stops.. She is my Mom... My heart is going to come flying out of my chest when her heart stops. I just know it.
This is happening so rapidly. I am in denial that I have communicated with my mother for the last time ever-- I am sobbing as I type this. I am trying to stay strong because my brother is an even bigger mess than I am-- she is the only person in the world who ever loved him more than anything.
PLEASE TELL ME HOW I AM GOING TO SURVIVE HER DEATH?? Who do I talk to? Who do i lean on? My father is not in our life-- so when she is gone, we will be orphans. Yes by age I am an adult-- but who really is??!! I'm a terrified little girl inside! I am about to become mother to my brother-- I am about to be the one who tells him what to do like my mother did for his last 35 years.
I know NO ONE who's lost their mother like this-- i need any help-- tell me what I am going to feel? Thank you.