Cancer Survivors Network

Hi, everyone.

David woke me up on Friday night and said that he thought he might have had a seizure. Maybe. He wasn't sure. He described it to me, and I am sure it was a focal seizure.....not a tonic clonic one, thank God! He said that his leg jerked, his eyes blinked really fast, and his mouth and head pulled to the side. That's exactly how the seizures that I've observed have started out. He was scared Friday night and so was I. I think we will be forever traumatized by that code blue seizure that he had in the hospital....David asked me to sleep with him. It breaks my heart that he is afraid of a seizure. I wrapped myself in my horse fleece blanket and curled up on the bed with him and we watched a "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" marathon. I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep.

The next day, I called OHSU and spoke to a neurologist on call. He told me that if David had 3 focal seizures like that within an 8 hour period, that I should give him 1 milligram of Lorazepam. He said that it should break the seizure cycle...he said to think of it like we were "resetting" David's brain. Scary...but I liked that thought. Larry and I had plans to go to the coast for the day and meet up with three other couples and just spend the day going to antique stores and the outlet mall and having some great meals. We usually stay for 3 nights over at the coast with these same 3 couples...it's our annual ritual and we love doing it. But this year...no way. But we went ahead and went to the coast for the day and met up with our friends. I had a hard time, but Larry loves to go so much, and he never gets to do anything fun. I have my horse and a lot of great friends, but Larry doesn't really have very many resources or outlets for the pressure he must feel about David. So we went. Our son Dallas and our daughter Cathy came over and hung out with David all day. They apparently had a great time! They even ran a few errands and went out for lunch. That sure made me happy!

That night, David asked me to sleep with him again because he felt "twitchy." He woke me up around 4 am and asked me for a Lorazepam. He said that he had TEN episodes of that leg jerking, blinking, mouth and head pulling. I couldn't believe it. I slept through all TEN of them! He said that they were not bad...about 5 to 7 seconds long. He never lost consciousness or anything. But still....I am pretty useless. I asked him why he didn't wake me up, and he said that he tried to, but I kept saying, "Wake me up in the middle of one." I must have been totally wiped out. I never feel like I ever get a sound night's sleep. And I wonder how hard he tried to wake me up. I think I was extra tired from the coast and from not getting much sleep the night before.

So he took a Lorazepam and he hasn't had any more seizure-type symptoms since. He took another Lorazepam last night because he felt twitchy and he thought it might prevent something. But I don't want him to do that again. I don't want the Lorazepam to lose its effectiveness...and he slept until 4 pm today. I think it was too much sedation, on top of the extended release morphine and the Dilaudid. So tonight he's going to try to sleep without the Lorazepam and I'm praying that he doesn't have any signs of a seizure.

So...tonight two of David's friends from way back in the day....friends from all the way back from grade school...came over and took David out to see a movie. I was very happy that he was getting to go out...but it was very hard for me. I didn't think he was up to it, but happily I was wrong! They had a good time and now David is all comfy in bed for the night. I've got my monitor on him and hopefully we will both have a restful night. If it doesn't pour rain tomorrow, I hope to ride my horse in the woods.

I have to tell you guys....I am really amazed at what David is able to recover from. He was so very, very sick and weak from the abscess, cellulitis, surgery, bacterial infection, seizure, etc. There have been several times that I thought he was going to basically be a shut-in or an invalid for the rest of his life. Just a few days ago, he could barely walk to the bathroom. He was using a walker in the house and he needed a wheel chair the day we went to the ER...that was just on Friday. Tonight he walked out to his friend's car, went to a movie and sat in a theatre for a couple of hours, came back home, and didn't feel especially tired. Julia, you reminded me that David was an athlete before all of this started, and you are right...he is able to recover. It goes to show me that you just never know what the next day will be like. It may be hard, but then again, you may be really surprised and find that things get a lot better. I've said it a million times....but what a crazy, unpredictable roller coaster ride.

I'm almost afraid to say it...but I think things are looking up for us. We have an appointment on Thursday with that seizure doctor...let's see what he has to say about these focal seizures.....

Thanking God with all of my heart for David's improvement,
and sending love and blessings to you, my friends and fellow fighters here on CSN,
Cindy in Salem, OR