Feb 15, 2012 - 2:51 pm
I posted a few times here back in 2009 and 2010. This is our third go-round with throat cancer for my husband. He had chemo/rads in 2009, huge throat and flap resection surgery in 2010 for recurrence, and yesterday was diagnosed for the third recurrence. Ugh. We are waiting to find out course of treatment and for pet scan on Monday.
My husband is positive, although is taking xanax for his nerves. I, on the other hand, honestly, am a basket case. I have been a rock through all this, but when I heard this diagnosis I literally almost passed out. I am trying so hard to be positive but I am so scared his body is not going to be able to handle this horrible treatment again. Not confirmed yet but doc indicated he will likely need 30+ radiation treatments, possibly chemo and another surgery. I am just devastated. I am not afraid of him dying, I am afraid of the treatment and all the agony that it brings. We were just starting to get used to the "new normal" and then WHAM - this.
I have got to get myself together and I will by the time this gets started, but right now I am so hurt, mad, resentful, etc... WHY, WHY does this have to happen to us AGAIN. I hate this damn cancer so much. My husband is 59 and we have been married 29 years. Not to mention our son is in his first year of teaching and this is going to totally screw that up as he will insist on being here, and frankly, I need him.
OMG I can't believe I have ranted like this.... promise, I am not a lunatic, I just had to get this out I guess!! I have been reading the forum and it seems like everyone here is going through about the same thing. My family (parents, etc.) don't really understand - they think they do but they don't. Ugh... Thank you for listening, I'm sure I'll be back!