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trying to cope with losing Mom

yashiramaries
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2012

My mother found out 4 moths ago she had liver cancer and 6 months before that my uncle found out he had cancer too. We lost him in late November and it was hard on everyone in my family. On January 1st at 7:02 am my mother took her last breath in front of me and my world ended. She was a loving person who loved to teach and even on her death bed she died with a smile on her face. Even after they took her away in the bag she was smiling. The bad part was that she did not die from the cancer, she died from the chemo which caused damage to her kidneys and completely stopped her liver from working. I am only 26 and she was both my mother and father. It hurts so much that i can't be alone because i cry all the time. I wake up thinking i need to call mom to make sure she took her medicine and ate breakfast, then i remember she is gone. I don't know how to cope with loosing her and i need help.I know in my heart that her death was the best thing for her because all the medicine was doing was making her more sick and she could not do anything because she was always in pain but it still hurts to know that the only person that was always on my side, always taking care of me, and giving me love is no longer with me. On top of everything my grandmother who i never knew died a week before my mother from cancer too and all my mothers doctor could tell me was to get checked as often as possible because Cancer runs in my family. I have a 4 year old so with all the stress now i have to get test done. How do i cope with it? Help

slg
Posts: 200
Joined: Jan 2010

Hello yashiramaries,
Ironically my husband passed away the same day you made this post. I just read it now and I can relate so much. My husband passed at home with myself and our daughters. He died of Liver Cancer and he too withstood lots of chemo treatment and Yes, I agree, that did speed up his demise. I am lonely and missing him too. You are very young to have lost your Mother and grandmother at the same time. You must get checked for your child.
Feel free to either post or email me if you like. Unfortunately we share a mutual loss.

Cindy Bear
Posts: 560
Joined: Jul 2009

for both of your losses. I lost my mother to uterine cancer in 09. I still miss her tremendously. I know the old saying that time heals all wounds.. but honestly, this one will never heal for me. Scab over maybe,but never heal. I also lost my FIL to a massive heart attack in 2010, and my BIL to eosph cancer, also in 2010. I miss all of them terribly, but my mother's death haunts me. Did I do enough for her, did she know how much I loved her.. a lot of woulda, shoulda, coulda regets. I do feel that in her case , stage IV, chemo not only didn't help but hastened her death. She was almost 80. Her cancer was more advanced then the drs. let on. They said her liver was fine. After the fact, we were told her liver was not "fine" the cancer had been there all along. Before this, I used to think my family was immune from cancer. A grandfather had prostate cancer, that's it. Then my mom was diagnosed, and a couple of mos. after she passed, an uncle passed also from prostrate cancer. Then my aunt mentioned a great aunt or great grandmother had cancer.. perhaps stomach, possibly ovarian that had spread. Now it seems that cancer runs in my family . Cancer is the boogeyman in my life.. Anyhow, I'm sorry because I know how devastated you are right now. You are not alone. There are so many caring people here that do understand and want to help. Please know that things will get better, slowly but surely.. some of the pain will ease. Big hugs and prayers. Cindy

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