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Caring for my mom with bone cancer

Nina68
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2011

So on dec 1st it will be 1 month we found out my mom has bone cancer. My mom and i have always lived together, Me and my husband are her caregivers. I must admit how very scared iam. I sometimes feel so alone. I have 2 brothers and 1 sister, They all live out of state so it is just me and my husband to get her to all her appointments. She starts radiation on thursday for 10 days. The dr's say it is a strong treatment. For the past month i feel like i have been living in a nightmare. I brought her to the hospital for stomach pain and that is when we found out it was cancer. I was by myself when i found out. That was by far one of the scariest nights of my life. About 3 months ago my husband had made plans to go away for 2 night in dec as a christmas gift to ourselves, But with all that is going on with my mom i feel gulity to leave. My best friend is coming to my house to stay with my mom. I just feel so torn. I feel gulit going christmas shopping, I pretty much feel gulit everytime i have to leave the house without her, I wish i knew how to deal with this. I know there are other people dealing with loved ones with cancer, But support is what i need from someone who really knows how i feel. Thank you to whomever has taken the time to read my story. I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a happy healthy New year. Nina

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

Nina, it is so great that you have a friend to sit with your mother while you get some things done. It will be good for all three of you. Don't you know your Mom will like having someone new to talk with for a change? And your friend will bask in that good feeling you get when you are allowed to serve others. Instead of feeling guilty, let people help.

Can your sister come for a few days during the radiation treatment? You might feel less alone if you had a bigger team.

My mom is quite old and dying after a three year battle with ovarian cancer, so I know how it feels to watch your mom suffer.

Good luck with this day.

Nina68
Posts: 2
Joined: Nov 2011

My sister has been great. But she lives in ohio and i am in pa. She is coming for christmas. Thank you so much for your advice. It will be very hard to leave my mom for 2 days. But I know i owe it to my wonderful husband to get away . He is so supportive and such a big help. It is just me and dealing with the guilt of leaving. This is just all so new to me.It really is a hard thing to feel gulit everytime i leave the house. I just worry about her all the time. Thank you for listening to me. It helps o know that people care.

JackieA
Posts: 150
Joined: Mar 2011

I just wanted to share with you to go ahead and go with your husband. You need that. That does not mean that you love your mother less. My husband has breast cancer with mets to all of his bones. I am the sole caregiver. I cant do a lot, and besides work, I can't go anywhere else. I have felt guilty, but I do know as a caregiver if you don't do some of the things you need to do, you will become lost and resentful. You will be overwhelmed and angry. Been there. My husband is on a walker and now, he can barely ride in the car because the bumps hurt him so bad. He is becoming confined to the house. He can't climb any stairs so that knocks out a lot of events and visits to relatives who live in apartments. We live in a two story home, but he hasn't climbed the stairs in almost a year. My husband is now angry at the world, and just don't want me to do anything--he is 43, I am 45. So go ahead and have some me time. It will be good for you and your husband. I have been on this journey as a caregive for 3 years and there are days I just want to give up, but I know I can't because I love him and I know he needs me and love me, so I just pray and find ways for me time. sometimes going in the bathroom and sitting on the toilet is me time... long hot baths are me time. Getting up a few hours earlier are my me time. Sometimes my job is my me time...so take care of yourself.

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