Nov 29, 2011 - 7:49 pm
I know the answers to all my whinny questions, but I have to ask them anyway. I'm on the verge of explosion here and need to let it fly.
DH made it through almost a year of chemo/rad, colorectal surgery, colostomy, chemo again and was beginning to feel "normal". There was one point in his chemo that he wanted to quit. He didn't want to be so miserable and feel so bad. He only had 2 treatments to go and I encouraged him to see them through. He made it just fine. He started doing things he had been putting off, going places, participating in life again.
Then boom. PET shows liver, lung & prostate cancer. He received his diagnosis from his chemo dr who immediately prescribed an aggresive chemo program. We went to Onc for more info. He gently advised Don that chemo may keep him alive for another year, only to have the cancer rear up again because there is so much of it. He advised him to decide if he wants quantity or quality of life. Today we met with surgeon who will schedule the port procedure, who also told him the same thing. Don wants to fight.
I have told him from the get-go that I will support him no matter what he decides. That I will be there every step of the way. But the thought of him being brought to his knees with the aggresive chemo they are planning just makes me want to scream. I've seen that look in his eyes that begs for relief from the pain. It kills me. I can't take it sometimes. I want to run away. I don't want to be strong.
But I don't want to lose him. I can't imagine my life without him. We have been through so dang much together. We have come such a long way. He's a part of me.
Oh, Lord, I am rambling like a mad woman standing on her head stacking b'b's. But, I had to get it out.
Thanks for listening (or not).