A great comment from Dad yesterday

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ECson
ECson Member Posts: 26
in Esophageal Cancer #1
As everyone was finished eating yesterday I was sitting next to my Dad and he said something striking to me. We have been with the doctors, or an imaging appt for the past ten days straight with each appt seemingly accompanying worse and worse news. So Dad was just taking in the company and said "isn't it amazing how happy everyone is when they forget about the situation for a minute?" I think for the time being it is going to be my job to smile more for the next six weeks of chemo. He knows I am scared, cause I have told him that. But I really think I need to give him some comfort by smiling more than I have the past 10 days. Deep Breath, Deep Breath...smile.

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  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #2
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    I agree. I always seem to be
    I agree. I always seem to be pushing mom to eat and feeling frustrated when she doesn't.
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    #3
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    Ginny_B said:

    I agree. I always seem to be
    I agree. I always seem to be pushing mom to eat and feeling frustrated when she doesn't.

    smiling.....
    You are so right, you need to remember that he is a person, not a patient. I always found that as treatment progressed and the misery of chemo and side effects worsened, it is all we would talk about. I had to remind Lee, and he had to remind me sometimes that we did have other things to talk about, other than EC. This reminder was always a good thing, and we'd move on to non cancer subjects. Sometimes you need a break from it all, and that's ok.

    You will find it overwhelming, as a caregiver, to always have to be asking the same monotonous questions over and over again (how do you feel, do you have any pain, do you need a breakthrough, how's your nausea, have you eaten today? You need to eat, have you had a bm today, time for whatever pills it's time for, we have an appointment today, discuss the latest test results....... you get the idea. Some days (almost all days actually) seem to be consumed by care, treatment and worry. I often felt like a nurse, instead of a wife. What a horrible feeling. Lee would often comment to me that I looked so sad and tired. It is draining, both emotionally and physically.

    Please try to remember to smile, try to remember that he needs to have some normalcy in his life, if even just for a few moments. Talk about the things you used to talk about, sports, weather, children, whatever brings him joy and distraction. Try to get out to a movie, walk in the park, whatever he can handle...... It's so important, yet so easy to forget when things get ugly.

    be well,
    Chantal
  • Ginny_B
    Ginny_B Member Posts: 532
    #4
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    Daisylin said:

    smiling.....
    You are so right, you need to remember that he is a person, not a patient. I always found that as treatment progressed and the misery of chemo and side effects worsened, it is all we would talk about. I had to remind Lee, and he had to remind me sometimes that we did have other things to talk about, other than EC. This reminder was always a good thing, and we'd move on to non cancer subjects. Sometimes you need a break from it all, and that's ok.

    You will find it overwhelming, as a caregiver, to always have to be asking the same monotonous questions over and over again (how do you feel, do you have any pain, do you need a breakthrough, how's your nausea, have you eaten today? You need to eat, have you had a bm today, time for whatever pills it's time for, we have an appointment today, discuss the latest test results....... you get the idea. Some days (almost all days actually) seem to be consumed by care, treatment and worry. I often felt like a nurse, instead of a wife. What a horrible feeling. Lee would often comment to me that I looked so sad and tired. It is draining, both emotionally and physically.

    Please try to remember to smile, try to remember that he needs to have some normalcy in his life, if even just for a few moments. Talk about the things you used to talk about, sports, weather, children, whatever brings him joy and distraction. Try to get out to a movie, walk in the park, whatever he can handle...... It's so important, yet so easy to forget when things get ugly.

    be well,
    Chantal

    Wise words. I immediately
    Wise words. I immediately got up and went to mom with an afghan and covered her, then she got a big hug. I asked how she felt - knowing she'd been coughing - and she said "I feel great! I slept good! Lance [our puppy] is keeping me company." We talked for a wee bit and I gave her a pill.

    Lance hears the walker and tears down the hall as if to escort her! (He's really quite in the way.) Once she settles into the recliner, the puppy is up on his hinds with two paws on the foot of the recliner. Then he takes all his toys and lays by her feet. She thoroughly enjoys his antics.

    I'm glad everyone reminded us of the hugs and smiles and non-cancer talk, although it's hard to talk with mom because 1 she doesn't hear well any more and 2 when she talks she starts coughing. I will be so so so glad when Rads have stopped!
  • AngieD
    AngieD Member Posts: 493
    #5
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    Ginny_B said:

    Wise words. I immediately
    Wise words. I immediately got up and went to mom with an afghan and covered her, then she got a big hug. I asked how she felt - knowing she'd been coughing - and she said "I feel great! I slept good! Lance [our puppy] is keeping me company." We talked for a wee bit and I gave her a pill.

    Lance hears the walker and tears down the hall as if to escort her! (He's really quite in the way.) Once she settles into the recliner, the puppy is up on his hinds with two paws on the foot of the recliner. Then he takes all his toys and lays by her feet. She thoroughly enjoys his antics.

    I'm glad everyone reminded us of the hugs and smiles and non-cancer talk, although it's hard to talk with mom because 1 she doesn't hear well any more and 2 when she talks she starts coughing. I will be so so so glad when Rads have stopped!

    That is such a good point,
    That is such a good point, ECson! And a good role for you. As Chantal spoke of, your step mom may be so involved with all the care giving duties, that they both could really use you to brighten up things. When we first started dealing with this and were just overwhelmed, our son and daughter came for visits, got us on outings, etc. and it helped so much.
    Angie

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