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Don't feel very thankful right now

slg
Posts: 200
Joined: Jan 2010

It's hard to be thankful when Cancer has turned our lives upside down. This holiday season is going to be the worst since my husband was diagnosed because we are at the end of our rope here with options. How do I pretend this season is going to be like all the rest when they won't and he might not be here much longer. How do I do this?????

JMulkey
Posts: 32
Joined: Apr 2010

Sig, I'm sorry for your frustration and pain. I am in a very similar situation. My Mom isn't ready to quit chemo, but her onc has evidently made that decision for her. Not sure she will be here much longer either. Am so sorry you are going through this too.

jimwins's picture
jimwins
Posts: 1977
Joined: Aug 2011

This season won't be like the others because of what is going on.
As I've read on many similar posts, take things a day or a minute
at a time. Cherish the time you have together now and make as many
moments as you can meaningful.

You know we're here for you when it gets tough and you need to
"let it fly". It's such a difficult thing to go through.
I'm so sorry you guys are having to deal with this.

I hate cancer (grrr).

You're in my thoughts.

Hugs,

Jim

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1611
Joined: Aug 2009

Hang on tight to each other. We celebrated several Christmas thinking it might be our last. We were blessed by friends and family that held on with us and held us in prayer. It is not easy. Share memories, enjoy what you can. The time you have together now is hard, but I feel blessed with the memories of just being together toward the end. Take care, Fay

DrMary's picture
DrMary
Posts: 527
Joined: Nov 2010

but some of us know our likely expiration date more clearly than others. A friend of mine was crossing the street and was killed in her prime by a car - she left behind a husband, kids and a non-profit that was dear to her heart. Did her husband think about how their Thanksgiving was the last one together? Nope - he was probably too busy keeping the kids out of the dog food or something similar. Did she worry about her mortality? Nope - she was probably trying to find the number of that guy who said he might be able to provide food for her next fundraiser.

It's easy for those of us who do not currently have a loved one in the glide path to eternal peace to say, "live each day to the fullest and don't worry about tomorrow." However, I was certainly not facing any certainty last Thanksgiving - we were still not getting any nutrition into my husband and they were thinking that he might have to undergo a second round of treatment, as his tumor had stopped shrinking.

What did I have to be thankful for last year? That he was not in as much pain as he had been. That his mother had made it down for the holiday and his brothers had rearranged their schedules to make it as well. That we had a few days off from radiation. That he could say "I love you" when I was following folks whose spouses were too ill to even say that, other than with a look or a squeeze of the hand.

OK - it's tough to feel thankful when your life sucks. And you really don't want to reflect on ways it could be worse. At the very least, all of should be allowed to ignore those who complain about tough turkeys or inlaws or the long lines for Black Friday.

However, we who have stood on the edge of eternity know that there is more to life. I wish you could have more time with your love, and I won't suggest you should be grateful for the time you've had. I'll only say, don't worry about what day it is and whether you are "supposed" to celebrate.

Peace, and good days, one day at a time.

katgrace
Posts: 5
Joined: Nov 2011

The holidays can be rough for a lot of reasons but especially when dealing with something like this. I am new here but your post caught my eye as I have been struggling with some of the same things.

If I can offer any advice I would say don't pretend. If you are sad, that is ok. Deal with the saddness. Embrace it. Of course there are ways to do that that are much better than others but the important thing is to not feel like everything has to be perfect with fake smiles and plastic joy. You all know this is difficult and things are not the same as they used to be. The holidays don't have to have a lot of pomp and circumstance to be special. Try to find joy in the little things like the fact that you still have each other here to share with. You can still hold and share your love which is a pretty awesome thing on its own. Sometimes the little things can bring greater joy than anything else.

I realize this might sound a bit cheesy and perhaps it is. I hope it helps and if not then I hope it can spark something inside you that will.

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