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Even Walmart makes me cry!!!

hart1249
Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 2011

My dear Don left this world on Oct 5th 2011. He was diagnosed on May 26th 2011. I brought him home from the hospital on the evening of Oct 3rd. The dr said he had 2-3 months. 30 hours later he was gone...
After 30 years, it's so lonely. I know God is with me and I'm not alone. I know he is happy and healed. But sometimes at the strangest times, the tears just flow. Today it was as I was leaving Walmart!!!! I came home and attacked the yard with the leaf blower. I don't know how to get past the pain from losing him. We had so much more to do... I miss you babe. <3

david54
Posts: 115
Joined: Apr 2009

I understand the tears. I have not cried in awhile. I live in a small community. Sometimes I will be walking through the mall near the foodcourt. I will remember eating lunch/dinner there with my wife and daughter years ago. It brings back memories and I feel sad.
There is a restaurant that serves chili breadbowls and my wife loved to eat there. I passed it the other day and this wave of loss and depressioon hit me liek a brick. it will be hard again this holiday season too. It will be the second major holiday without her, but I thought it might be easier but it is still very difficult. Not sure if I even want to put up a tree.

I really do hear your pain and loss. It hurts

hart1249
Posts: 22
Joined: Aug 2011

We did everything together, so it's impossible to avoid finding myself in places where we were. In a strange way it's comforting and painful at the same time. Sweet memories. You said it exactly like it is... it does hit you like a brick out of no where. I am not sure how to face the holiday season. I've worked it out that I won't have to decorate. My living room floor has to be replaced along with floor joists. It's very easy to get a contractor this time of year. Most folks don't really want their home torn up during the holiday season. They're starting the work next Monday. I have to move out for a couple weeks. Thankful for supportive family. I'm sending a prayer for peace and comfort for you.

teenadee
Posts: 86
Joined: Aug 2011

I am sorry deeply for the loss of your dear Don. I know your pain but I have a different loss. I lost my mother on December 14th, 2011 to Thyroid Cancer that metastisized. Although I went to all her appointments and knew the prognosis wasn't good, I was in complete shock watching her pass away. The nurses had to pull me off of her. I went to Walmart every week with my mom and we had the best times. 2 weeks ago I went to buy her the poinsetta fake flower to put on her grave and in the middle of walmart I cried hysterically. I had to call my sister to calm me down. People looked at me but didn't really bother. I miss my mom so deeply and I had so much to do with her still. I wish I could tell you how to get past the pain but I simply don't and I'm sorry I'm not of better help. I do wish you the best and hope both of our pain lessens (doubt it :(

sue5749
Posts: 170
Joined: Dec 2010

My husband passed Jan 23rd The first time I walked by the pharmacy counter I wanted to walk up to the lady behind the counter and say " My husband just passed, so I won't be seeing you anymore" The tears started again! I was there at least once a week getting different meds that he needed. I felt like they knew his birthdate by heart, but just had to ask every time. There was always something I needed to pick up for just him and his needs. I feel so all alone in this house! It's been just a little over a week, I just don't know how anyone keeps going on. I,m older no young kids, just started getting my social security check, now I have to apply for widows social security! So much to do and think about and all I want to do is stay in bed and read what every is going through on this sight. Don't know what to do at tax time omg now this is something he did. Oh well, they always say TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. I miss him so! I know that sounds selfish he was so sick for 15 months couldn't eat nothing or drink anything for 8 months, then he was having a very hard time breathing because he had a track and the mucuswas awful! I guess God said " It's time to come home" enough suffering! He went to sleep in his chair at 11:30 am a week ago.

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Sue, It's so soon after your hubby died and what your feeling is natural. I too was at the drug store every day getting some prescription for him. And about a week after he died I went to the mall cause everyone said I should try and get out of the house. Yah, right! I was only in the store 5 minutes when the tears started so I practically ran out.
Tom had only been sick for 2 months. We hadn't even gotten used to the idea that he had cancer when he died. He had a "very rare" side effect from Avastin. His death was horrible P& I'll never forget it. We were married for 46 years. He also did everything, so I was scared like you are when I knew I was alone. I have 3 grown children who have helped me alot. It's going to be 2 years on March 25th, but I think of him every day ::& miss him so much.
There are so many of us on this site who know how you feel, so please confide in us.
Just don't panic, cause things will work out. "carole"

cosmic_me
Posts: 35
Joined: Dec 2011

Big hug to you Sue. Last week was the first time I went back to the pharmacy I'd become a weekly fixture at while picking up all moms weekly meds. I just couldn't even go in there. It was getting stupid waisting gas to travel to the next city to get my hygeine products when I can get them at this pharmacy for a real good price. From the second I pulled up into the parking lot I was feeling awful. Went in and gathered my stuff. The clerk/tech at the register looked at me and started to turn around to instinctively look to see if there were any meds I needed to pick up and he stopped and turned back around and said... I'm so sorry. I quicly shoved my sunglasses on as my eyes watered but smiled to him and told him .. "it's ok" and I paid and got the hell out of there as quick as I could. I've already mentioned in another post that driving home from work seems to trigger saddness in me along with specific places. It's so hard. They leave little pieces of themselves every where.

eibod
Posts: 160
Joined: Mar 2011

Sue, My husband died on Jan 23 also. I had brought him home from the hospital 5 days earlier, with the dr telling me that he only had 6 weeks left. I was in shock I lost him so soon. The loneliness is unbearable, but yet I don't want company.
My pharmacy sent me a sympathy card, personalized with all their names and personal notes
from each pharmacist. I was touched that they rememebered him so well, and by first name,
but we had picked up so many meds for the last 2 years. I actually thought I heard him breathing the other night and turned to look. We were married 43 years. What do you do next? Am having trouble cleaning out his closet, what/how do I give away the clothes?
Should I wait? How do I start going out in plublic with out crying. It seems everyone should be crying because I am so sad.

sue5749
Posts: 170
Joined: Dec 2010

I am so very sorry that your husband also died the same day as my husband. He was in and out of the hospital a lot the last 15 months the very last time they wanted hospice to come in to our home, he refused. So I took care of him the best I knew how. He fell asleep in his chair about 12:30 pm. And that was it, He was gone. The drs never said any time he had left, but when they say "Hospice" I guess that means not much time? I probably didn't want to know anyway. He would always ask the drs " How much time? They would always say they didn't know only God knows. It hurts so badly! He suffered for 15 months. But he was here with me. I cry every day, tell him I love and miss him every day! And I know about not wanting company, I feel the same. Some days I get out for awhile, need to get out but then again some days I can't. I have a support meeting in a couple weeks at a church, going to see if that will help me. Maybe you should try and look into going to one also. I don't think we can do this on our own. This is why I come here everyone seems to be going through the same thing, they understand our feelings. My family does help, but they go home to their spouses. They truly care for me but they have not been through it yet. I cannot go through his cloths yet just can't bring myself to do that yet. To soon. I'll think about that some other time. Once my husband said to me, before he lost his voice, " you are going to have it hard when I am gone" I said "what do you mean, I;m going to have it so hard"? Now I know.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1629
Joined: Aug 2009

Walmart, the grocery store, restaurants, you name it,I have probably cried or almost cried in most of them. Heck, sometimes I just cried for no reason at all. Like David I don't cry as much now, but I did in the early days. As time passes, I am sometimes hit by memories when I go places. Now they are mainly good memories much of the time. Time helps, so hang in there. I think we have all experienced what you are posting. Hugs, Fay

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