Nov 01, 2011 - 9:14 am
I've always been a strong individual. I'm the go to person at my job; the glue that holds my family together, great given advice and a very positive person. Having said that, I am finding this journey difficult. I've not yet had my surgery for a hysterectomy and so I'm just beginning. I find one day I say "I can do this" and then the next day, I'm falling apart. I cry almost everyday; at least when I am alone. I'm not a "poor me" type of person and I don't say "why me"; cancer doesn't discriminate. I want to be strong. Everybody says to me "your going to be fine"; I pray they are correct. At the moment, I'm beyond scared and want my life back the way it was; I just want to rewind life. I know it sounds crazy; but it is how I feel. I tell myself "you have to fight, cancer is the enemy, you can do this, you can do this". I'm trying my best to cope but it's difficult. My husband had kidney cancer this past February and now me; both the same year. I remind myself that even cancer was in the cards for us and that there was no way escaping. I know our mental state plays a major role in your physical state; but this is the most difficult journey I've had to travel in my 57 years. I want life BC (before cancer); I want life back the way it was. I don't want this (I know none of us do). I have it but I don't want it!! I keep feeling like I'm dreaming. I wake up during the night and think of only one thing "having cancer". I want to wake up from this nightmare; I've never been so scared.
Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings and for listening.
God Bless all of you.