Oct 18, 2011 - 4:37 pm
Hi. New to this but just needed to reach out to somebody! I am feeling completely lost and so so so sad. I lost my mom, my best friend on 9/25/11 and the sadness is overwhelming. I don't even want to get out of bed some mornings. I just do not know how to get passed this and I'm not even sure I want to! I mean, I think its almost rude not to grieve my mother every single day for the rest of my life! I keep re-playing the last week of her life over and over and over again in my head. She was in agony, I did everything I could to make her comfortable, it was the worst week of my entire life to watch my mother suffer and then to watch her die. But i wouldn't take back one single minute that i got to spened with her that week. I just feel so sad, so heartbroken, so lost. I am not finding comfort that she is "with me". I don't feel her with me, I don't feel her near me....I WANT TO SO BADLY...but I don't. I keep praying, asking God to let me "see" her, to have a dream about her, something, but nothing comes. The sadness just overwhelms me and I just want to crawl into bed and never ever come out again. How am I supposed to live without my mom? I would give anything for one day, one hour, one minute with her. I just want to hug her and tell her how much i love her one more time, tell her what an awesome mom she was!! It just stinks and seems very unfair. I wrote and read her eulogy at her funeral, maybe I will share it on here someday. She was awesome, she really was, just an amazing amazing woman. I just can't believe she's not here anymore......that's all for now...thanks for listening...if anyone even is.