Oct 16, 2011 - 12:37 am
I am so glad I came across this sight. I felt like no one understood me or the pain that I am going through. Here, I found that many of you do. I am the only caregiver of my 43 year old husband who has stage IV breast cancer with mets to all of the bones. This is our second go round. Sept. 09, the cancer revisited. I lost my mother in January of this year to colon cancer. I have so many frustrations, so much loneliness, and anger that I don't even know how to express it. I empathize and sympathize with the caregivers on this sight. My husband will have to have chemo for the rest of his life. He is now totally disabled, on a walker. My frustrations are just the way the whole health care system works-they keep pumping him with chemo and pain meds and steroids and synthetic drugs to make his body work, but not cure. I have so many unanswered questions. I was reading some of the discussions below about no one asking how the caregive is doing... I am angry at the clinic nurses that ---barely, if at all, speak to me when I come in with him. They give him a big, "sound the bell...(husband's name) has arrive...while I sat in the back and suffer. I sometimes feel so bad about the way I feel-I feel like I am wrong, but I can't stop my feelings. I know that he has a lot to deal with. But everyone---I mean, everyone---always comment when I just want to vent, "Imagine what he is going through."
I love my husband, but I get angry and frustrated with the emotional rollercoaster. I get angry at him for covering up his symptoms--for not telling me when he feels bad, or pretending in front of the doctor and I always look like I am making things up. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't have an outlet. I am his only support system--all of the friends and relatives that he had when he was up and well are nowhere to be found. My entire life is going to work and come home and wait on him hand and foot. I don't mind, but I am a little tired now. I am angry and still grieving over my mother, but really no time to grieve. We have an 11 year old that seems to be angry with me and we are in counseling.
Can anyone relate to me?