I did it again.

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Wpturner05
Wpturner05 Member Posts: 114
in Esophageal Cancer #1
I went to the grocery store with my full list of items for the week and I left sobbing my eyes out. I ran into a friend who asked how I was and meant it. I lost it. I hate going there, I have cried there more than any other place. Ugh!! I don't get why that is. When I got to the checkout, it was evident I was crying and, naturally, the clerk asked if I was ok. NO!!! I AM NOT - MY LIFE HAS BEEN INVADED BY A BEAST AND I CAN'T GET RID OF IT.

I hate cancer.

Whitney
Wife of Kevin
Stage IVb

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  • JimboC
    JimboC Member Posts: 264
    #2
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    I understand
    This beast changes everything. On Saturdays, my wife and I used to go grocery shopping together. I know, not the most exciting thing to do together but we did everything together. Well, the other night, we passed one of the stores we used to go to together and kind of had a sad remembrance of how much things had changed since February when we first found out. My wife has a harder time with it all than I do, I think. I have a wristband that sums it up. "Cancer Sucks" And yes, it is periwinkle. ;)

    Take care!
  • chemosmoker
    chemosmoker Member Posts: 501
    #3
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    I CAN RELATE!!!
    Ahhh periwinkle! I couldn't believe THAT was out color. But I digress....

    Whitney,
    Yes I can relate as well. Michelle and I did EVERYTHING we could together, and now I fear getting exposed to too may unnecessary germs if Wall Mart gets the grocery dollar, or any large store for that matter. This nasty beast DOES change everything. I am leery of everyone I meet wanting to hug me. What if they start coughing on me? What a pain in the ****! And unfair to Michelle as she ends up doing SO much that I used to do and I ALWAYS had a hard time asking for any help. Asking for as much help as we need is trying for the most giving or taking person!

    And I always worry, how much do they really want to know? Do they mean it when they ask me? The lady at the corner store here really cares, but each time I come in she still looks at me like I shouldn't be walking. That's hard. I seem so "okay" to her, she doesn't know what to think. I think sometimes she thinks I either made the whole thing up, or I am just not that sick as I still show up down there every few weeks.

    Thanks for sharing, and again reminding me that I am NOT alone crying in inappropriate places (no such place really-right) and falling apart.

    -Eric
    '
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #4
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  • LilChemoSmoker
    LilChemoSmoker Member Posts: 185
    #5
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    OOOOOH the tears!
    Whitney,

    Hello! It is with empathy that I reply to you for the first time! I can so empathize with your tears! I too have found myself in tears in a public place because someone has approached me and brought up the "beast" lurking in our life! It's perfectly normal, I think, and I don't know why it bothers us so to catch ourselves in that moment! I do think that in those moments we are wearing our hearts on our sleeves and it is just a matter of minutes before we will let loose! I say LET THEM FALL! I think that the cashier and the waitresses and the public service workers could probably relate better than some of our own family members!

    I come from a family of very compassionate and emotional "human-beings" and my husband's family is the "human-doings". It took us YEARS as a married entity to strike a balance and it took a lot of pushing and pulling to get there, not to mention the therapy! But for almost a decade now we have had a very healthy balance between the two of us.

    So, all that said...whew...sometimes I can be long-winded; I just wanted to touch you with a response and make contact to let you know you are soooooooooo normal! And sooooooo absolutely entitled! Thank you for reminding us all that we all have to cry and there isn't a such thing as a "venue" for that!

    Big hugs and squeezes to you!
    Michelle
  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    #6
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    There is something about the
    There is something about the grocry store. Before my mother passed 11 yrs. ago, I did the shopping by myself for a couple of years. After she passed, I would cry every time I went there.I never understood this, because it had been a long time since she had been with me. I guess grocery shopping is a good time, shopping for something together that brings us comfort. Even now, when I go in our local store ,I sometimes feel her presence.
    sandra
  • fredswilma
    fredswilma Member Posts: 185
    #7
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    Hi Whitney
    Aahh the dreaded
    Hi Whitney
    Aahh the dreaded grocery store did it again, you are not alone, I now have a stock standard answer to that question, you know the one hows Mark/Kevin/? doing? it goes something like this, Yeah Marks doing fine, the Chemo is taking it out of him, thats to be expected then sorry got to run, kids work etc having the answer ready is making it easier, though I never go out when feeling vulnerable, one other thing if that doesn't work I always keep my sunnies on my head, then when the tears come pop them over my eyes so no-one can see the puffy red eyes which is generally accompanied by the runny mascara so attractive!!, I do get some funny looks wearing sunnies inside a grocery store however needs must!.
    Thinking of you.
    Ann
  • ritawaite13
    ritawaite13 Member Posts: 236
    #8
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    fredswilma said:

    Hi Whitney
    Aahh the dreaded
    Hi Whitney
    Aahh the dreaded grocery store did it again, you are not alone, I now have a stock standard answer to that question, you know the one hows Mark/Kevin/? doing? it goes something like this, Yeah Marks doing fine, the Chemo is taking it out of him, thats to be expected then sorry got to run, kids work etc having the answer ready is making it easier, though I never go out when feeling vulnerable, one other thing if that doesn't work I always keep my sunnies on my head, then when the tears come pop them over my eyes so no-one can see the puffy red eyes which is generally accompanied by the runny mascara so attractive!!, I do get some funny looks wearing sunnies inside a grocery store however needs must!.
    Thinking of you.
    Ann

    Glad it's not just me...
    I, too, hate the grocery store! I worked for 30 years in the front office at a local elementary school and tons of people know me. I always run into someone I know and all they need to say is "how are you?" and I lose it! I do the same thing as Ann and leave my sun glasses on my head or sometimes on my face to try to hide a few tears. In our area there are delivery services who deliver groceries to your house. You just go online and order and presto! the groceries show up! It's a little more costly than going to the store but who cares? My new motto is JUST WRITE THE CHECK! I'm willing to pay almost anything to try to keep some of the dignity this beast is trying to steal. With friends and family it's different. They love me and except me with or without tears, thank Heavens. More casual acquaintances are always caught off guard and are at a loss for words while I stand there blubbering. It's just too darned awkward and uncomfortable for me, for the acquaintance and for anyone else in the vacinity. Screw it - just write the check!!
    Rita

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