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lovehim
Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2011

I am thinking about going to support group. My boyfriend has stage 4 nsclc and he doesn't do anything we used to anymore. He changed many ways. One is he doesn't want to take walks no more. Other is he used to hang in his room a lot and doesn't do that. Sometimes I want to do my own things and he doesn't want me too. He doesn't cuddle with me anymore unless I ask for it. Also he never watched reality tv and now he does with his mom. He wants to be around his mom more and me a lot less. But does want me hanging out with the both of them. I want time with just him at times. They say I am over reacting but he wants to marry me and I wonder why he doesn't want to be around me really anymore and would prefer to be with his mom. One day I left for the whole day so he could spend it with his mom. When I returned he said he missed me and spent a hour with me when his mom was gone. After she returned he was back with her and I went to the room. Thinking if he really missed me he would come to the room. When I text him he said he was watching a show (which is reality and hates when I watch it). Why do I feel like he is pushing me away?

dennycee
Posts: 643
Joined: Mar 2011

Support groups are an excellent idea. 5 yrs ago when my mom was diagnosed with the nsclc adenocarcinoma- I took her to our local Gilda's Club. I attended the caregivers support group while she attended the cancer survivor's support group. It was a tremendous experience for both of us. So much so that when I was dx with the same disease this past year, I sought out a group near where I live.

Your boyfriend is going through many changes - emotional and physical both. I have no doubt that he still loves you. Please understand that many patients perceive the dx as a life sentence. It does not have to but cancer has that perception. It is not unimaginable that you too, are going through a number of changes due to his disease. By all means, get yourself to a group. Later, when he sees how it has benefited you, he may choose to attend, too.

Debbi818's picture
Debbi818
Posts: 10
Joined: Aug 2011

I agree 100% with dennycee-you can call the American Cancer Society and they will guide you to a local meeting. Cancer doesn't just affect the patient, it also affects family and friends. When my dad was dying of liver cancer I found a support group and not only did they give me different ideas to get him to eat but it was comforting to be with people who understood where I was at.

I am 1 month in remission from lung cancer and I can tell you it changes your entire perspective on life. It seems that at times your emotions change minute to minute. You do think about death-what you've accomplished and how much more you want to do. You wonder if you do get rid of the cancer will it come back sometime in life? You want someone around you and then you don't. I also found an on-line cancer support group for me and it helped answer so many questions and I was able to discuss with them the things I couldn't with family and friends.

Sometimes it helps the person with cancer what you can do for them. Be patient with him-this is a scary disease. But....be good to yourself too.

Debbi

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