CSN Login
Members Online: 11

I Am In The Light

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

A shadow of joy flickered; it is me.

I told you I wouldn't leave.

My memories, my thoughts are imbedded deep in your heart.

I still love you.

Do not for one moment think that you have been abandoned.

I am in the Light.

In the corner, in the hall, the car, the yard ~

these are the places I stay with you.

My spirit rises every time you pray for me,

but my energy comes closer to you.

Love does not diminish; it grows stronger.

I am the feather that finds you in the yard,

the dimmed light that grows brighter in your mind,

I place our memories for you to see.

We lived in our special way,

a way that now has its focus changed.

I still crave your understanding

and long for the many words of prayer

and good fortune for my soul.

I am in the Light.

As you struggle to adjust without me,

I watch silently.

Sometimes I summon up all the strength of my new world

to make you notice me.

Impressed by your grief,

I try to impress my love deeper into your consciousness.

As you should, I call out to the Heavens for help.

You should know that the fountain of youth does exist.

My soul is now healthy.

Your love sends me new found energy.

I am adjusting to this new world.

I am with you and I am in the Light.

Please don't feel bad that you can't see me.

I am with you wherever you go.

I protect you,

just as you protected me so many times.

Talk to me and somehow I will find a way to answer you.

Mother, Father, son or daughter, it makes no difference.

Brother, sister, lover, husband or wife, it makes no difference.

Whatever our connection ~ friend or even foe ~ I see you with my new eyes.

I am learning to help wherever you are, wherever I am needed.

This can be done because I am in the Light.

When you feel despair, reach out to me. I will come.

My love for you truly does transcend from Heaven to Earth.

Finish your life with the enthusiasm and zest that you had

when we were together in the physical sense.

You owe this to me, but more importantly,

you owe it to yourself.

Life continues for both of us.

I am with you because I love you

and I am in the Light.

-- Author Unknown

Deb
redesign08.blogspot.com

hope0310's picture
hope0310
Posts: 324
Joined: May 2010

Have not been around much lately Deb, but just read about your anger and hospice meetings, so glad you are going.

I am trapped in my pain at the moment, Sept is a horrible month - Dad passed Sept 07, Mom will be 1 year this Friday.....

I would like to share this poem as well, one of my favorites, your will now join my collection.

~elysia~

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.

All is well.

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Elysia,

Thank you for sharing your poem... Just maybe someone will read these 2 poems and feel not so alone in their journey? I made it through my first class, speaking without crying is hard and uncomfortable still. Stuffing feelings and moving like the good soldier is all about who I am ... Not the emotional basket case since May. Oh... did I say that?

Anniversaries... hard. Halloween is coming up and that is when I first met my husband 14 years ago. I can't go anywhere now and not see decorations for sale right now. And still... I have not faced losing my mom... and yet it happened 9 days before my husband's death. It's like if I think about it too long the room goes black. Yes... These classes are my lifeline back to myself, I just need to hang on long enough to feel real again.

"finding my road back to joy again"

Deb

imjb73
Posts: 34
Joined: Jan 2011

Thank you both for sharing your poems. The alone & lost feelings are terrible. It's only been 6 weeks for me but it seems to be getting worse instead of better. I'm not sure if there is a group in my area but maybe I need to check into that. Any way thanks for sharing.
Joyce

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

It is 4 months today that my mother passed from Ovarian cancer. It was a horrible death. Her doctors basically abandoned her to my sister and I ...we hired private nurses to help us..Hospice was worthless except to bring us morphine....I am going through an angry phase. I am angry at everyone and everything...this is new....at first I was ok..now I am not so ok....I really liked the first poem, but I don't believe she is anywhere....I know that is just where I am right now....so sad......life will never be the same.....it just can't be....the holidays are coming....oh man...they are going to suck....everytime I see an old person I get upset that my mother did not get that opportunity....I want her doctors, who blew this diagnosis, and then were afraid to tell her the end is near, to suffer.... she would not want that, but I want that at this moment.....sorry I am so angry...I just read your poem and it brought forth all my feelings of pain and loss....I HATE CANCER>>>>>WITH ALL MY PASSION>>>HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT>>>>

lovingwifedeb's picture
lovingwifedeb
Posts: 184
Joined: Aug 2010

Lisa,

You are never alone on this discussion board... and thank you for reaching out. We are not taught how to prepare for the end of life, and when it comes we are lost. My heart lays before you in pieces and I am trying to find a way back to wholeness. My own mother passed from lung cancer 9 days before my husband. My mind has not had room to grieve for her yet in my shattered heart.

My husband taught me how to live with dignity and braveness during his year with cancer. I feel I would dishonor him if I did not try to live the rest of my life in his light and find happiness again. No... It not easy, in fact it feels like a vice grip around my chest.

Soooo... before the winter sets and the rains come in Oregon I will try to keep on the path of light. I just finished my second grief class. We shared pictures of our loved ones who have just passed. Smiles and tears. Information to read... Tools to help me process the stages of grief. Life happens and life continues... so must I because my husband would want me to.

Peace,
Deb
redesign08.blogspot.com

karenbeth's picture
karenbeth
Posts: 194
Joined: Sep 2010

I am thinking of you all...this change of season brings unsettled feelings and emotions...a difficult time of year is coming, with the holidays and short days/long nights...but we will all make it through. Yes, we will keep on the path of light...
Peace,
Karen

carolyn4carol's picture
carolyn4carol
Posts: 9
Joined: Oct 2011

Hi Lisa....I was reading your post. You wrote it two days before my mom died of ovarian cancer...or vaginal cancer, everyone is calling it something different. I SO connected to what you said though...about seeing old people and being SO ANGRY that my mom didn't have that opportunity! Wow, I really thought I was the only one feeling that way. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss...I connect with the holidays coming up too, I have no clue how I am going to make it thru them without my mom....anyway, i'll be thinking about you dealing with the same emotions i am...I hate cancer too!!

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network