Calm before the storm/ Warning: questions about end of life

Love2Cats
Love2Cats Member Posts: 127
in Colorectal Cancer #1
In my other post, I talked about how I am on a break from chemo after 9 treatments, and a lot of bad side effects. Now that I have been off chemo for approx 3 months, I have recovered and feel pretty good except for some occasional pain, severe neuropathy in my hands and feet, and chemo fog. Life is wonderful, compared with what life on chemo was like. I have been doing a lot of things to keep me busy, and keep my mind off of chemo, and the fact that I am sick. I have made so many new friends lately. Occasionally I think about how this is all temporary, and this is just the calm before the storm.

My question is about when I start to get towards the end. What happens? Will I slowly start having more pain, and fade away a little day by day? Will I wake up one day and be in a lot of pain, and then pass away soon afterwards? I want to know what to expect, and the signs that will tell me that my time is near. I want to know when the end is near, so I can make sure that I tell my friends and family all the final things I want to say (I am saying things everyday to them too). Do things happen quickly, or slowly? I imagine that everyone is different, but for some reason, I need to know more about what will happen.

Thanks for your insight.

Comments

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    #2
    Hi
    I lost my uncle on Tuesday, and it will be four years on Sunday since I lost my mum to cancer. I have been thinking about death a lot since her only remaining brother passed. It is an important question, but I know some would be afraid to answer or even want to know the answers, especially if they are still in battle.

    What I know from reading on here, the net, seeing my own mum. You may start to lose your appetite, start feeling tired a lot, don't want to engage in anything. Near the end tiredness and difficulty with breathing. Different symptoms, people may vary.
    Hugs
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #3
    I can only respond by proxy....
    I have had patient partners that have chosen to stop treatment, and do what they will...

    I must say the tired answer of 'everyone is different'...that said,

    I think that you should talk to a hospice person. They are VERY, VERY good at helping...both for you and your family. Even if you are feeling great now, you might at least talk with them and find a group you like...for such a time that you need them....

    Right now, you are doing the correct thing, IMHO, and talking to your family and friends, so that nothing will be left unsaid....also, make SURE NOW to have an updated Advanced Directive (DNR, care issues for the healthcare professionals) and your will, and what you want done with your remains. I did all of these things when I was first diagnosed, as hard as it was to do....and my mom, as well, which turned out to be a Godsend just before she died in April...there was no guessing...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • daBeachBum
    daBeachBum Member Posts: 164
    #4
    There is an article on CSN about this...
    The Caregivers board may be a good place to ask about this. There is also a general article at http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/NearingtheEndofLife/index

    You can paste the URL into your browser to read it.

    It's natural to think about this, but my two cents is not to waste too much time on it. Live the life you have!

    Strength and love,

    Ray
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #5
    daBeachBum said:

    There is an article on CSN about this...
    The Caregivers board may be a good place to ask about this. There is also a general article at http://www.cancer.org/Treatment/NearingtheEndofLife/index

    You can paste the URL into your browser to read it.

    It's natural to think about this, but my two cents is not to waste too much time on it. Live the life you have!

    Strength and love,

    Ray

    My father was given 3 months....
    and he lived 2 years after that...He had stomach cancer and drank and smoked all his life. In any event, when the time came he simply woke up one morning with terrible pain and they put him in the hospital and placed him on morphine at his own request....That was 1991, he lived 2 days when the morphine that kept him painfree actually shut down his organs. He died in his sleep.
    The man never once to me, mom, or any sibling, ever complained about his health, or the possibility of dying. His Dr informed him that he was terminal 2 years prior to his passing.
    I am regaining my wits about me after hearing what I heard yesterday...This will not happen to me, ever. I refuse to quit, ever. To much stuff out there and to many Drs that "will" do something about what ails you...love to you and Yes, I think about end of life issues as well, especially now......it just doesn't fit into my plan.....love to you and yours, Clift
  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    #6
    I understand
    I too wanted to make sure that no matter my condition at the end of life that some special people in my life knew some things. I actually wrote them letters, addressed the envelopes, put on the 'forever' stamp and put them in the lock-box with all my important papers and instructed my family to mail them after I was gone.

    That was over a year ago. I found that by doing this I was better able to stop concentrating on what I wanted at the end and began enjoying what I have each minute of every day.

    We can't know how the end will be for us, we can only wish for an easy transition from this life to the next.

    Life itself is temporary with or without a cancer diagnosis, it is just that most folks don't consiously know it.

    Enjoy today. And like John23 says, take a look at some of the alternative options...can't hurt and who knows may even make you feel a bit better.

    Hugs,

    Marie who loves kitties
  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    #7
    My friend's husband just
    My friend's husband just passed away in June at home with his family by his side. He had pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed 6 months earlier and never had any positive results from chemo. Hospice was there to support his wife and keep him comfortable. It was very quiet and didn't seem to be struggling, he just went.
    I shared this with you only because I understand the thoughts that surge through a person's mind but now I want to plead with you not to plan on going any where. Only GOD knows when it's time, not the doctors, not not the drugs. Please know that I am here with my heart just aching for you and praying that GOD will give you peace. Miracles happen, why not you???
    I was just at the University this week and had the very best tell me that big things are happening for this disease so hang on sister!
    I didn't really know how to reply to your post but I knew I had to because you seem to have the same spirit I have.
    GOD bless us all!
    Brenda
  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member
    #8
    Brenda Bricco said:

    My friend's husband just
    My friend's husband just passed away in June at home with his family by his side. He had pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed 6 months earlier and never had any positive results from chemo. Hospice was there to support his wife and keep him comfortable. It was very quiet and didn't seem to be struggling, he just went.
    I shared this with you only because I understand the thoughts that surge through a person's mind but now I want to plead with you not to plan on going any where. Only GOD knows when it's time, not the doctors, not not the drugs. Please know that I am here with my heart just aching for you and praying that GOD will give you peace. Miracles happen, why not you???
    I was just at the University this week and had the very best tell me that big things are happening for this disease so hang on sister!
    I didn't really know how to reply to your post but I knew I had to because you seem to have the same spirit I have.
    GOD bless us all!
    Brenda

    Don't understand your post but hope is just a chemo rest after
    your good results isn't ?not thinking throwing the towel isn't ? if you need any help just tell us And will try to cheer you up!.
    Hugs!
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #9
    (untitled)
    "Occasionally I think about how this is all temporary"
    I know that some (many?) on here do not share the same views that I have, but your quote above is a great summation of LIFE. Forget about the cancer for a moment.
    Life is temporary.
    There isn't a single living thing on the planet who is an exception to that rule.

    I happen to feel "blessed" or "fortunate" to have had this realization long before I will eventually die from something. Of course I knew I'd die someday but I really didn't UNDERSTAND it until I got cancer. Trust me, there is no guarantee at all that ANY of us on this forum will die from cancer. Sure, many might but watch the news at night. How many people do you hear of who were driving home and were killed in an accident, or were struck by lightening, or slipped in the bathtub and died?

    I think it's totally normal to question things the way that you are. I went through that and sometimes still go back to that. I am nowhere close to understanding "it" but I have come to terms that one day I will die and to be honest, when I'm feeling good or even if I'm feeling blah from chemo I don't worry about it. What good does it do me? None at all. When I'm on my deathbed, I imagine I will be less than thrilled but to have been given a "head's up" so to speak about my mortality by my cancer diagnosis has made me much more aware that life is short and you NEVER know when your time is over.

    So to live your life in a way where your focus is on dying and not enjoying living seems like a waste to me. Especially when you're on a break from chemo, feeling good, and have lots of friends. Why focus on what may or may not happen before the inevitable does happen.

    Many people go through life with their heads up their butts and don't see the polyps (I just made that up, feel free to use it everyone!) They act like they will live forever and they don't tell their family and friends what they mean to them. I don't think there's a day that's gone by since all of this started that I haven't told someone close to me how much I love them and how important their friendship/love is to me. Or a day that's gone by where I haven't really looked at the sky, sunset, nature, listened to music, enjoyed food and realize that I'm one lucky SOB.

    I hope my bluntness on this topic hasn't offended you, it certainly was not my intention at all.
    -phil
    PS: Love the kitty profile photo. Looks like one of our cats
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #10
    Love2Cats -
    Some of us have taken "alternate routes", and found great success.

    No, it doesn't mean that what's worked for any one of us will work
    for anyone else, but it's sure worth looking into!

    You can "click" on my name and read my profile and "blog",
    and try reading at some of the links I've provided.

    You sound disgusted with mainstream meds, and are a bit
    depressed right now; that's understandable. But please, please
    do -not- give up hope that you can survive.

    It's great that you're attempting to consider all the "end of life"
    situations and prepare for it; Too many here try to ignore the
    possibility that the end will come. Ignoring the statistics does
    not make the problem go away, and only adds to the overall
    problems, when things get worse.

    So, you've faced it. Good! now it's time to try to fight the
    cancer in any way, without making you worse.

    The information is out here, you just have to take the time to
    look and read. Just as you're seeking information about death,
    try doing the same for some alternative routes to staying alive!

    The "alternative" users are out here for you.

    Best wishes,

    John
  • John23
    John23 Member Posts: 2,122 Member
    #11
    PhillieG said:

    (untitled)
    "Occasionally I think about how this is all temporary"
    I know that some (many?) on here do not share the same views that I have, but your quote above is a great summation of LIFE. Forget about the cancer for a moment.
    Life is temporary.
    There isn't a single living thing on the planet who is an exception to that rule.

    I happen to feel "blessed" or "fortunate" to have had this realization long before I will eventually die from something. Of course I knew I'd die someday but I really didn't UNDERSTAND it until I got cancer. Trust me, there is no guarantee at all that ANY of us on this forum will die from cancer. Sure, many might but watch the news at night. How many people do you hear of who were driving home and were killed in an accident, or were struck by lightening, or slipped in the bathtub and died?

    I think it's totally normal to question things the way that you are. I went through that and sometimes still go back to that. I am nowhere close to understanding "it" but I have come to terms that one day I will die and to be honest, when I'm feeling good or even if I'm feeling blah from chemo I don't worry about it. What good does it do me? None at all. When I'm on my deathbed, I imagine I will be less than thrilled but to have been given a "head's up" so to speak about my mortality by my cancer diagnosis has made me much more aware that life is short and you NEVER know when your time is over.

    So to live your life in a way where your focus is on dying and not enjoying living seems like a waste to me. Especially when you're on a break from chemo, feeling good, and have lots of friends. Why focus on what may or may not happen before the inevitable does happen.

    Many people go through life with their heads up their butts and don't see the polyps (I just made that up, feel free to use it everyone!) They act like they will live forever and they don't tell their family and friends what they mean to them. I don't think there's a day that's gone by since all of this started that I haven't told someone close to me how much I love them and how important their friendship/love is to me. Or a day that's gone by where I haven't really looked at the sky, sunset, nature, listened to music, enjoyed food and realize that I'm one lucky SOB.

    I hope my bluntness on this topic hasn't offended you, it certainly was not my intention at all.
    -phil
    PS: Love the kitty profile photo. Looks like one of our cats

    Phil....

    Re:
    "I don't think there's a day that's gone by since all of this
    started that I haven't told someone close to me how much I love
    them and how important their friendship/love is to me"

    I must be the exception! I can remember you calling me a
    butthead more than once!

    (not that there's anything wrong with that)

    (haha)

    My best!

    John
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    #12
    dear love2cats
    a great topic for a post.

    my aunty val was in hospital fighting lung cancer, not going well.
    one day her oncologist told her she probably had 3 months left.
    she died peacefully that same night. my wife and kids came and picked up her things from the hospital she was as white as snow and did not suffer mental anquish.

    only two days ago i was at the burial of my close friend athol who died from a brief hard fight with an aggressive lung cancer. he really siffered at the end, he told a mutually mate he wanted it over. they pumped him full of morphine and mercifully he passed much sooner than expected.

    i am completely against needless suffering, and i know thats everyones personal decision.

    its a simple goal, but a peaceful life up to the end, and then resting in peace.
    the manner in which death comes depends on where the mets are, and the specific tumour effecting key organs. i would ask your oncologist and surgeon about your specifics, i feel they would be able to best answer you.

    hugs,
    pete

    ps another lovelly day in the world, thanks for this post, it needed to be said and read.
  • tastykake
    tastykake Member Posts: 9
    #13
    I totally understand your feelings.
    Thank you for asking the question about nearing the end of life. I finished my chemo last year & am now on a 3 month ct scan checkup to see if or when it comes back. I felt very nervous when the chemo ended,now the waiting for the tests,etc. Even though I feel great & have no side effects,I too think about the possibility of recurrence & what will happen next time. I was very "lucky" this time. I try not to dwell on the negative but,like you,I want to know what to expect. I am pretty much alone in this battle so I feel the need to prepare myself as best I can. Thank you again for asking the question-let's try to dwell as much as we can on the positives & push the end of life far to the end of our thinking.

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