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Funeral was 1 week ago

imjb73
Posts: 34
Joined: Jan 2011

I was attending my husbands funeral last Saturday at this time. I like many of you feel lost and broken.
I am bothered so much by the whys? Not because of the illness but our life in general. Is it normal to have feelings of guilt & regret? Mostly things we didn't make time for. Things we should have done.
He was such a great man and deserved so much more than he had. His coworkers honored him with a motorcade to drive the 30 miles or so for the viewing. I had no idea he was so well liked at work until now. It's almost like he lead a double life. He was such a hard worker and a quiet man but to hear them all talk about him I felt like I was married to a totally different person than they knew. I feel like I missed out knowing that person.
We had just had our 36th anniversary and part of me feels like I didn't know him at all. I am doing my best to be strong for all to see but I'm a total wreck when they aren't looking. Everything happened way too fast.
I just feel so lost and broken.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that words don't help, but I want you to know that you are not alone. How wonderful that your husband was so liked and respected. I, too, was blown away by the number of people who attended my hisband's memorial service. I knew he was a special guy, but even I didn't know how special. In answer to your questions, yes, we all experience the woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts. Your grief is still new and, believe me, it takes a lot of time before we begin to move past the huge ache we feel in our hearts. My husband will have been gone two years this October. I am still dealing with my grief and have accepted that I will never " get over it." The ache will always be there, but in time it does soften. in time, we begin to get through some days without tears. That doesn't mean that tears don't still come. Sometimes we don't even know why. I still have bad days, but they are less often. Right now you are probably experiencing some numbness and even what one book called the fog of grief. All of that is perfectly normal in our far from normal world. I hope you have family and friends you can turn to for support. Consider joining a support group or getting grief counseling. Our ride is bumpy. Grief is a process and takes time. Give yourself that time and permission to take whatever time you need. Take care, Fay

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so very sorry for your loss. Lost my husband of 32 years June 2010. It is a grief I never knew existed and there seems to be no end to it. I too wish we had traveled more. I wish he did more for himself, but the kids and I were the center of his world...how lucky we were! I am hoping that time, time, time will lessen the pain and loneliness. Miss him so much every day. You are in my thoughts...be strong.

susankay
Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2011

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You are going to be feeling so many emotions, and I promise they are all normal. My mother passed away this past April, and my Dad has been having the same emotions that you are going through. They also would have celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary this past June. He is so very lonely, and feels a ton of guilt and regret. "I should have apprieciated her more" has come out of his mouth many times. Guilt and regret are perfectly normal feelings. You are not alone.

Much Love- Susan Kay

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