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CancerAvenger's picture
CancerAvenger
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2011

Hello there, my name is Jeanne. I am a 43 year old SAHM of soon to be 7 year old ADHD/Autistic twin boys. My husband had a kidney removed in May 2009 and they found a grapefruit sized cancerous tumor inside. He was diagnosed with Stage 4 Renal Cancer in February this year and I have been looking for online support or a friend to chat with. He has lost 99.9 % of his quality of life and I just need someone to listen.

Thanks for allowing me to introduce myself and I hope to make a few friends.

HUGS to all!

niprut
Posts: 23
Joined: Jul 2011

Hi Jean,

I am so sorry that you and your loved ones are having to endure such a difficult time. I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, but I do send you my most sincere and warmest of hugs from Australia. You must feel overwhelmed by all that you have to deal with at the moment and I hope you have a good support network around you.

Thinking of you,

Jo

CancerAvenger's picture
CancerAvenger
Posts: 4
Joined: Aug 2011

Thank You Jo!!

ejneary's picture
ejneary
Posts: 64
Joined: Mar 2010

The first thing that comes to mind is to take good care of yourself. Since you are not only a caregiver to your husband but also to your two sons, you are under a lot of stress and taking care of your own health is going to have to be a top priority, not something that can be done later. If you do not carve off enough time every DAY to do this, the results will not be good.
My first suggestion would be to seek out the Cancer Support Community in your area:

http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/

They have a great wealth of support groups, personal counselling, information and people that are there to help free of charge in most instances. My wife goes to a caregivers group every week and has found it to be a great source of support and understanding.

Secondly, it sounds like your husband is not doing well. The one thing I learned from all of this is that my fight in cancer starts with me, not the doctors. Taking personal charge of your situation is tough but can make a world of difference in your outlook, mood, and quality of life. I suggest Prayer, Mediation, Guided imagery, diet and exercise as much as possible in addition to treatment. The more that your husband can help himself, regardless of how small the amount in each area, the better he will feel and the more empowered he will feel over his own situation. I know this all sounds like bullshit but the bottom line is, your own outlook on this horrible disease will really make or break your quality of life. I struggled with depression and anxiety for months and when I was pointed at taking control over my own feelings and doing things to help my body fight this disease instead of waiting for the next appointment, my mood changed DRASTICALLY!!! I felt better, had more energy and was able to feel a lot better.

Don't get me wrong, this is not the cure but all of these things in parallel will add up to a better situation.

Like I said though, make sure to take care of you first or else, everyone else gets to fend for themselves.

God Bless...

John Neary

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