Aug 09, 2011 - 12:44 am
Does anyone have any tips one dealing with the out-of-town borderline sibling? Our dependent dad has stage 4 melanoma, in the brain and lungs, and he is doing "OK" at the moment, all things considered. Not so sound trite, I know she has a very real problem of her own (but will not get help), but I cannot handle it and have been no-contact since an incident a few weeks ago. She can't keep her emotions under control with her own regular stresses, adding this dad is dying part is the icing on the cake, and she tried to twist it all into a crazy episode about her.
I've been called everything you can imagine but for now she is ignoring me which is a relief. We had to tell her not to come back to our house. Our parents are divorced so I really don't have anyone to mediate. She is on dad's email list and I send something out every now and then. I just know eventually things will not be looking good for dad and I will have to deal with her, not only over the phone or email, but in person.
She has expressed a lot of greed in addition to freaking out if asked to help when he isn't at the top of his game. I know having a terminally ill parent sucks, I'm living with it everyday! Is it OK to only email her group messages via my dad's account? In my mind, the phone works both ways and she can call him to arrange if she wants to visit, etc. I am not comfortable arranging anything to do with her.
I am trying to not feel guilty for not bending over backwards to make sure she (and her young kids who I love) and dad have some quality time in his probably last 4-6 months. I did not forbid her from visiting, just that she will not be at my house when she is unstable (she gets aggressive at the drop of a pin). I'd happily get them all a hotel up the street, but she is the type to pull every excuse to make things difficult, and anyway, she has not mentioned wanting to come back for a visit. I don't think he would want to go to her house to spend the night, besides she wouldn't "be comfortable" giving him his pills and whatnot.
It is such an awkward place to be. It feels a lot like when my divorced parents gave each other grief (via me) over the phone when I was a kid, guess who was the one who had to ask "where is the child support check?" and who unknowingly had to tell the other what BS he said.
I just love being responsible!!!