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How to cope/help a person who is in pain?

DDDeneen
Posts: 1
Joined: Aug 2011

When you are seeing a person with cancer in pain and there is nothing you can do, what do you say?

hwhitlaw
Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2011

I am so sorry that your patient is in pain and there is nothing you can do. That is such a tough situation - we feel helpless.

How about "I love you". or "I care for you". or "i am here for you".

I know this isn't much, but maybe it helps for a moment. And if they can tolerate physical contact, maybe a small smooch, or hug or touch on the arm or hand might help. And a smile never hurts either.

Blessings and hang in there - you are doing all you can, I'm sure.

Heather

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

When I see that look on my mother's face, she has usually taken a pain pill and is waiting for it to kick in. So, I stop whatever I'm doing and sit with her and make gentle conversation. Anything from "remember the time we..." to what's going on with some TV show she's been watching. It distracts her, passes the time, and makes her feel less alone. I wish all my caregiver tasks were so easy!

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1617
Joined: Aug 2009

It is so hard to watch a loved one in pain. We want to fix them but often can't. First, talk to the dr. We ended up seeing a pain specialist. He was able to help some. then just make the patient as comfortable as possible. Offer love, tea, sympathy, entertainment or whatever helps. Take care, Fay

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I was told on June 4, 2011 that I have ovarian cancer. I have had two chemo treatments and am now having the bone pain and the sores in my mouth and throat. Just be there for them that is all we know you can do and we are fine with that. My mom always says I wish I could take the pain away. I know she can't but her being there sitting with me, praying over me on the bad days, and just loving me through is all I need from her. I will lift you up in my prays as you comfort the person you are caring for GOD bless you all for the suport you give it means the world to us.

Anne

Barbara53's picture
Barbara53
Posts: 659
Joined: Aug 2009

Anne, just wanted to make sure you knew there was a "miracle mouthwash" compound your dr can prescribe for the mouth sores. It has lidocane and pepto and a couple of other things in it, and it will make your mouth numb enough to be able to eat. You also can dab it on the sores themselves for relief. Short of that, there's biotene mouth rinse at drug stores.

That first-line chemo for ovarian is A BEAR, but you will get through this. Go to Headcovers.com and order a couple of the soft little sleep caps. You will love them!

My mom was on both Lyrica and Neurontin to help with bone pain and nerve pain from the chemo. They can help, but you'll still have to wait it out.

Good luck with this day.

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I do have the miracle mouthwash it just does not seem to work that well but I use it thanks for the info on the lyrica and neurontin I will check in with my doctor on them the bone pain has gotten better the past few days

Anne

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Sorry for the Seinfeld reference, but in this instance it does apply. Whenever my husband was in pain and waiting for the meds to kick in the best thing I could do was stay calm and try to talk to him. Keeping myself calm was contagious, it caused him to calm down and the pain to loosen its grip somewhat.

Being there, not flinching, and not looking away are the biggest helpers. I've found that (in general) people are scared and ashamed to be in pain and by getting flustered, leaving, or otherwise "looking away" intensifies the patient's pain. Just be there - that's the best medicine you can offer.

Loves and Hugs,
April

tropical_dreams28's picture
tropical_dreams28
Posts: 7
Joined: Aug 2011

You're sorry they are hurting. Don't avoid the situation, approach it with compassion. A cancer patient doesn't want to hear, "this is just the process you have to go through" Just saying from my own experience.

AnneBehymer's picture
AnneBehymer
Posts: 739
Joined: Jul 2011

I hated coments like that also when I lost my hair so many people said it just hair it will grow back and that just pissed me off I know it is just hair and it will grow back but it did not stop the pain I was in because I felt like now I look like I have cancer please never give pat answers like that just listen to them and be there for them that is really all we need

Anne

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