4 hours to go..........and my life changes forever.

Minka
Minka Member Posts: 29
in Breast Cancer #1
It's 3:30 in the morning and I have to be at the hospital at 8:00 am to start the process for my mastectomy. Nuclear medicine first, then on to the OR. I have no clue what my stage is, what comes after this. I'm feeling very alone. Something a friend sent me recently says "Grieve, cry, and move on. The only person who is in your life for your entire life is you." My partner of 22 years and her mother will be waiting. My son and his wife, who is like my own child, couldn't get the money together to come up here (I'm in Indiana, they're in GA). He lost his leg in a motorcycle accident two years ago, no disability, no insurance...and 4 kids. My mother is in late stage Alzheimer's. I have friends who have been kind. I'm a mental health therapist, and my teenage girls group made a t-shirt for me to wear to the hospital, for which I am very grateful. So really, I have no reason to feel this way, but I'm a realist...and I know no how many people are there, no one can be in my head with me. I'm not very upset about losing a breast...the damn thing is trying to kill me so "off with it's head"....but I am upset about not knowing anything else. Before I go in, I wanted to come online and thank all of you who responded to my last post. You are very kind, and I wanted to acknowledge that. I am not feeling sorry for myself...just scared and hurting. I'll be back on when I can type again....hopefully soon. Good luck to you all. Minka

Comments

  • aysemari
    aysemari Member Posts: 1,596 Member
    #2
    And BEST of luck to you Minka!
    It's funny my mom used to say the same thing. She always said no matter how
    many people you will have in your life, you will go through life on your own. It's
    best that you really like your own company. She was right but there's something
    to be said about having support and feeling understood. Aren't those the exact
    two things that this whole board is based on? Minka all I can say is this journey
    really taught me to be gentle to myself and respectful of the healing process.
    And of course I learned how invaluable the support and guidance of my fellow
    sisters really is.

    I am wishing you a quick recovery from your surgery but above all I wish you
    peace of mind, so that you can deal with your upcoming treatment from a
    strong plateau.

    Sending you my love,
    Ayse
  • smalldoggroomer
    smalldoggroomer Member Posts: 1,184
    #3
    Good Morning Minka, I'm so
    Good Morning Minka, I'm so sorry you are feeling alone, I know how that feels. But try and remember you aren't, We are all here with you. It sounds like you have a very loving family. It must be awful for your Son and his wife not being able to come be with you. I had a right side mastectomy and I was up and around in hours. Went home next day and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I felt fine. It was the dang drain that bothered me because I had to keep it for 5 weeks... But all and all not that bad. You will do great and feel fine you'll see. We will all be with you in the operating room its going to be crowded in there. Please let us know how you are doing soon as you can. Remember we are waiting too. Take care Good luck today. Kay
  • cavediver
    cavediver Member Posts: 607
    #4
    Minka, we all all there in
    Minka, we all all there in spirit with you and will continue to be during your journey. We all remember the alone and scared feelings........just know you can count on us for support and positive energy, or just to listen if/when you need to vent. I love your attitude......."off with its head".......I felt the same way! Lots of hugs sent to you!!!!!
  • CAchick
    CAchick Member Posts: 277
    #5
    Well said...
    Minka, you said what I have felt before...and you said it well. While we can't be there physically with you, please know that a host of sisters are with you in spirit, and in shared experiences and emotions.
    Sending the best of wishes for you in your journey,
    Sybil
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #6
    I can relate...
    Hi Minka,

    I want you to know you are not alone, we are all here for you. I felt the same way when I started all this nightmare. I believe this process is very mental too, and you have a great attitude. I am thinking of you and hope all goes well with your surgery, and that you recover smoothly (and fast).
  • butterflylvr
    butterflylvr Member Posts: 944
    #7
    LoveBabyJesus said:

    I can relate...
    Hi Minka,

    I want you to know you are not alone, we are all here for you. I felt the same way when I started all this nightmare. I believe this process is very mental too, and you have a great attitude. I am thinking of you and hope all goes well with your surgery, and that you recover smoothly (and fast).

    Minka,
    As I type this you should already be prepping for surgery. Little did you know we snuck on the pink bus during the twilight hours and are pulling into the hospital parking lot at this very minute. See dear sister you are never alone... listen for us and you will hear us. I hear these girls every day. Like you in the beginning I was scared of the unknown, but also like you I had that "moxie" to battle for my life no matter what it takes. My husband as your partner will be, always by our sides.

    I am as of this moment sending prayers for your surgeons to take good care of you, and sending loving prayers to you dear sister in the hopes that the beast was caught early enough and your future battle will be a short one. I am eagerly awaiting on how you are doing.

    Until then... the prayers are coming.
    Hugs,
    Lorrie
  • skipper54
    skipper54 Member Posts: 936 Member
    #8
    butterflylvr said:

    Minka,
    As I type this you should already be prepping for surgery. Little did you know we snuck on the pink bus during the twilight hours and are pulling into the hospital parking lot at this very minute. See dear sister you are never alone... listen for us and you will hear us. I hear these girls every day. Like you in the beginning I was scared of the unknown, but also like you I had that "moxie" to battle for my life no matter what it takes. My husband as your partner will be, always by our sides.

    I am as of this moment sending prayers for your surgeons to take good care of you, and sending loving prayers to you dear sister in the hopes that the beast was caught early enough and your future battle will be a short one. I am eagerly awaiting on how you are doing.

    Until then... the prayers are coming.
    Hugs,
    Lorrie

    Praying for a speedy recovery!
    You may feel alone but please know that there are lots of pink sisters making pests of themselves in the waiting room. We're all waiting to hear that everything went well. And we'll be here when you get back online. Many of us have been where you are and will be more than happy to help you through. We've already told all the docs and nurses to take extra special care of you.
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #9
    skipper54 said:

    Praying for a speedy recovery!
    You may feel alone but please know that there are lots of pink sisters making pests of themselves in the waiting room. We're all waiting to hear that everything went well. And we'll be here when you get back online. Many of us have been where you are and will be more than happy to help you through. We've already told all the docs and nurses to take extra special care of you.

    By the time you read this, Minka
    your surgery will be over and your body will have already begun to heal itself. Be sure to accept all help that is offered, be kind to yourself, try to relax and give your body time to heal. I also wish you the best in your diagnosis--but remember, whatever it is, you will deal with it, take the necessary treatment and move on to better days.

    Hugs, Renee
  • Ritzy
    Ritzy Member Posts: 4,381 Member
    #10
    butterflylvr said:

    Minka,
    As I type this you should already be prepping for surgery. Little did you know we snuck on the pink bus during the twilight hours and are pulling into the hospital parking lot at this very minute. See dear sister you are never alone... listen for us and you will hear us. I hear these girls every day. Like you in the beginning I was scared of the unknown, but also like you I had that "moxie" to battle for my life no matter what it takes. My husband as your partner will be, always by our sides.

    I am as of this moment sending prayers for your surgeons to take good care of you, and sending loving prayers to you dear sister in the hopes that the beast was caught early enough and your future battle will be a short one. I am eagerly awaiting on how you are doing.

    Until then... the prayers are coming.
    Hugs,
    Lorrie

    Lorrie is right Minka! We
    Lorrie is right Minka! We all got the pink bus geared up to go and we got to the hospital even before you did, so, if you feel lots of strength and love around you today, it is your pink sisters holding hands to show you how much we care.


    Good luck with your surgery!


    Sue :)
  • LadyParvati
    LadyParvati Member Posts: 328
    #11
    You are strong!
    Hi, Minka,

    Your words show that you are a strong woman, and you know how to manage your thinking about this frightening element of your life. Yes, your life is changing forever, but this is neither the first nor the last life-changing event you will experience. I wonder what doors are opening for you as you go through this? So often, something that seems to be a terribly negative event--such as being diagnosed with cancer--turns out to bring so many other *good* things into one's life that it's hard to keep thinking of the original stimulus as entirely negative.

    I pray that this life-changing experience will bring you many good "side effects." And while you're waiting for those to arise (or experiencing them!), I pray that your surgery and recuperation go smoothly. Reach out to your partner and those in your life who can be with you through the challenges you're facing right now. When they can't be there for you, talk to that strong woman in your head; let her listen to your fears and remind you of what it is to be strong.

    Thinking of you today especially,

    Sandy
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #12
    In my humble opinion, your
    In my humble opinion, your life changed when the cancer took root. Today's surgery is a result of that...the surgery isn't changing your life, the cancer is. The surgery is way to get rid of the cancer, and for you and your docs to learn more about the cancer so you can develop a plan to make sure the cancer stays gone.

    With that being said, I do hope your surgery went smoothly and that your recovery from it is swift and sure. It sounds like you have lots of support...let them pamper you for a while. And let us know how you're doing.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • robang13
    robang13 Member Posts: 333
    #13
    Minka,
    By now you are
    Minka,

    By now you are hopefully resting in reasonable comfort. Please take all the help that is offered. Take it slow and don't try to do too much. Remember you are never alone. Everyone here is here for you whenever you need us. The wonderful woman here made my journey more bearable and less scary. In fact, they reached me when no-one else could because they all understand what others can't possibly unless they have gone on this journey too. Hugs }} to you for a speedy recovery.

    Angela
  • fauxma
    fauxma Member Posts: 3,577 Member
    #14
    robang13 said:

    Minka,
    By now you are
    Minka,

    By now you are hopefully resting in reasonable comfort. Please take all the help that is offered. Take it slow and don't try to do too much. Remember you are never alone. Everyone here is here for you whenever you need us. The wonderful woman here made my journey more bearable and less scary. In fact, they reached me when no-one else could because they all understand what others can't possibly unless they have gone on this journey too. Hugs }} to you for a speedy recovery.

    Angela

    I am late to this post. I
    I am late to this post. I hope you are now resting comfortably. So much changes with ths diagnosis but you seem to have a good attitude and an understanding of this. We are here for you and will be support for you during the entire process.
    Prayers and gentle hugs to you

    Stef
  • jnl
    jnl Member Posts: 3,869 Member
    #15
    CAchick said:

    Well said...
    Minka, you said what I have felt before...and you said it well. While we can't be there physically with you, please know that a host of sisters are with you in spirit, and in shared experiences and emotions.
    Sending the best of wishes for you in your journey,
    Sybil

    Praying for you.
    Love, Leeza

    Praying for you.


    Love, Leeza
  • cinnamonsmile
    cinnamonsmile Member Posts: 1,187 Member
    #16
    Hi Minka, hope your surgery
    Hi Minka, hope your surgery went well, i will be waiting here to find out how things went and are going for you. Take it easy and let your body and mind heal.
    p.s. I didn't sleep a wink the night before my double mastectomy....
  • Angie2U
    Angie2U Member Posts: 2,991
    #17
    fauxma said:

    I am late to this post. I
    I am late to this post. I hope you are now resting comfortably. So much changes with ths diagnosis but you seem to have a good attitude and an understanding of this. We are here for you and will be support for you during the entire process.
    Prayers and gentle hugs to you

    Stef

    Praying that you recover
    Praying that you recover quickly.

    Hugs, Angie
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #18
    You have every reason to be
    You have every reason to be scared right now and mad at this horrible disease. You can even feel sorry for yourself for a while or every now and then, as long as you leave it behind and move forward in this new journey. This is a wonderful site when you're going through this. All the ladies here are caring and they understand how you feel. I'm sorry to say I missed the pink bus, and you're out of surgery now. So let me say I will pray for a speedy recovery. I also had a mastectomy, so if you need to ask me anything please do.,

    Judy
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #19
    cavediver said:

    Minka, we all all there in
    Minka, we all all there in spirit with you and will continue to be during your journey. We all remember the alone and scared feelings........just know you can count on us for support and positive energy, or just to listen if/when you need to vent. I love your attitude......."off with its head".......I felt the same way! Lots of hugs sent to you!!!!!

    Just know Minka that your
    Just know Minka that your pink sisters are holding your hand thru your journey. We have all been there and felt the feelings you are feeling.

    Lots of hugs,

    Diane

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