I lost my mum last month. She had stage IV NSCLC but died from an infection while on chemotherapy. Even though I miss her so much, I can somehow handle that part of it.
I just can't cope with how she must have felt when she was dying, knowing she was leaving us all. I'm haunted by the images of her suffering during her last five days in hospital, getting weaker and unable to talk or breath properly, crying and eventually so frightened she was given morphine to calm her down. Seeing my lovely mum suffer like that has finished me, I cry every day thinking about what she went through.
Then after she passed, we had to go home and face seeing her handbag and coat hanging up where she left it, looking at her empty bed and all her possessions. It just seems so cruel that she was taken out of her home, put through that trauma and is now buried in the ground.
I'd appreciate comments from anyone who has been affected by this. It's not so much that my mum is gone. I get that. I just cannot handle the fact she suffered at the end the way she did and I can't bear the thought that she won't be back in her own home. I'm 37 and single. My mum was everything to me.