STUPID DISEASE!! ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT
My son is to graduate from the 3rd yr. program at a preacher's training school Friday night. A friend offered to drive myself and my daughter. (it's over 500 miles one way). The dr. said to see what blood counts are tomorrow before he gives me okay to go. Now the lady is afraid to take me in case I get sick. My Dad doesn't think I should even consider it. He has to remind me that I'm sick. I've had one round of chemo and I feel fine at the moment. It was 6 days ago.
My sister reminded me that he's not a kid except to me. She has no clue what it feels like to have a child so far away from you and not be able to take part in his activities. They're ALWAYS our kids!!
A 23 yr. old is still a kid
(her kids are almost 7 and 10) I just feel so helpless and hopeless at the moment. I'm sure being thrown in to instant menopause is making my emotions even worse. I just completed my M.S. in Early childhood education a month before my husband died last yr. I attempted to complete certification less than 2 months after he died. I missed passing one test by 7 pts. I was scheduled to re-take that one test the day after I found out I most likely had ovarian cancer. Needless to say I didn't go take the test.
I JUST HAD TO VENT TO LADIES WHO UNDERSTAND AND WILL ALLOW ME TO BE FRUSTRATED AND FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF. I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!
Comments
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Yes, too much and too soon
Mom2, it is enough and too much -- and too soon. You've only known about this for about 6 weeks now? Some of us (me) were reeling from the diagnosis, surgery and chemo at that point -- without having any other recent losses or life changes or insurance company hassles added to the mix.
I have no answers that will help, but my heart goes out to you.
500 miles is a heckuva long time in a car. I couldn't do that even now, and I have come a long way in 7+ months. (Also Stage IIIC clear cell; not yet in remission, though great progress has been made). But you're a bit younger and have a strong incentive, so don't let me discourage you.
Could someone with a videophone stream-cast the graduation to you? I hear such things are possible. I know that's not the same, but nothing about life is anymore, eh? I also know your sister is trying to help with her words, so that you won't feel so low if you do have to miss it, but our loving families don't realize how back-handed such comments can seem to us. They really don't, imho.
Hope you're able to do what you really need to do, including taking care of yourself. My best thoughts to you.0 -
Vent, Scream and Cry Away!
I used to visualize myself destroying everything in my kitchen, when I was first diagnosed. It changes everything, pretty much forever. I do have some thoughts to share that you can take or not as you want.
First, the 500 mile car trip--a fairly common complication for OVCA is deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in the leg), so as difficult as it is to miss the graduation, it might be necessary so that you are around for the long haul.
Second, the Early Childhood Education test... Take it. Don't let OVCA stand in the way of your dream. I'm a fourth grade teacher, experiencing my first recurrence after 10 months of remission (brain mets), I have every intention of being back in my classroom on the first day of school!
Third, instant menopause sucks. I believe that the Celexa I was on prior to my diagnosis helped to alleviate many of the menopause symptoms, including hot flashes!
Your son will miss your physical presence, but he will feel your spiritual presence. I'm sure if you spoke with him, he'd rather you be healthy and focused on healing instead of driving 500 miles.
As for feeling fine during chemo, I handled my chemo pretty well also. it's important to remember that it will have a cumulative effect. Each time you'll feel more tired, and when it's all over you'll need time to recuperate from the chemo.
And you can and should vent here anytime. We understand. We're right there with you!
Hugs and Healing!
Leesa0 -
Your son knows you love himleesag said:Vent, Scream and Cry Away!
I used to visualize myself destroying everything in my kitchen, when I was first diagnosed. It changes everything, pretty much forever. I do have some thoughts to share that you can take or not as you want.
First, the 500 mile car trip--a fairly common complication for OVCA is deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in the leg), so as difficult as it is to miss the graduation, it might be necessary so that you are around for the long haul.
Second, the Early Childhood Education test... Take it. Don't let OVCA stand in the way of your dream. I'm a fourth grade teacher, experiencing my first recurrence after 10 months of remission (brain mets), I have every intention of being back in my classroom on the first day of school!
Third, instant menopause sucks. I believe that the Celexa I was on prior to my diagnosis helped to alleviate many of the menopause symptoms, including hot flashes!
Your son will miss your physical presence, but he will feel your spiritual presence. I'm sure if you spoke with him, he'd rather you be healthy and focused on healing instead of driving 500 miles.
As for feeling fine during chemo, I handled my chemo pretty well also. it's important to remember that it will have a cumulative effect. Each time you'll feel more tired, and when it's all over you'll need time to recuperate from the chemo.
And you can and should vent here anytime. We understand. We're right there with you!
Hugs and Healing!
Leesa
I don't know your son although I would NOT want my mother at my graduation if she had to risk a blood clot & travel 500 miles to be there.
(((hugs)))
LQ0 -
Oh, he understandsLaundryQueen said:Your son knows you love him
I don't know your son although I would NOT want my mother at my graduation if she had to risk a blood clot & travel 500 miles to be there.
(((hugs)))
LQ
Oh, he understands completely. He's just disappointed as no one will be there for him. His Dad was supposed to have been the speaker this year. I know that's hard for him,plus my being unable to attend. Hopefully he's coming here to see me at the end of the month. He's just worked so hard for this. Plus, he's dealing with a broken heart. He had bought an engagement ring and never even got to ask her. Not sure what all happened, but I think the girl got cold feet. They still talk at least...0 -
Thanks for your response.TeaLurker said:Yes, too much and too soon
Mom2, it is enough and too much -- and too soon. You've only known about this for about 6 weeks now? Some of us (me) were reeling from the diagnosis, surgery and chemo at that point -- without having any other recent losses or life changes or insurance company hassles added to the mix.
I have no answers that will help, but my heart goes out to you.
500 miles is a heckuva long time in a car. I couldn't do that even now, and I have come a long way in 7+ months. (Also Stage IIIC clear cell; not yet in remission, though great progress has been made). But you're a bit younger and have a strong incentive, so don't let me discourage you.
Could someone with a videophone stream-cast the graduation to you? I hear such things are possible. I know that's not the same, but nothing about life is anymore, eh? I also know your sister is trying to help with her words, so that you won't feel so low if you do have to miss it, but our loving families don't realize how back-handed such comments can seem to us. They really don't, imho.
Hope you're able to do what you really need to do, including taking care of yourself. My best thoughts to you.
Thanks for your response. I'm going to see if it will be taped. this is a VERY small preacher's training school. I think I am going to have a note written to him and ask someone to read it at the graduation. Hopefully he won't choke up. LOL! This kid seldom shows emotion publicaly. He has nerves of steel I always say. he spoke at his Dad's funeral. Don't see how he did it.
I am trying really hard to take care of myself. My appetite is really good so far. I walked close to 3 miles today. (just not all at once). I am determined to be as strong as I can possibly be going into each treatment.0 -
Thanks Leesa,leesag said:Vent, Scream and Cry Away!
I used to visualize myself destroying everything in my kitchen, when I was first diagnosed. It changes everything, pretty much forever. I do have some thoughts to share that you can take or not as you want.
First, the 500 mile car trip--a fairly common complication for OVCA is deep vein thrombosis (blood clot in the leg), so as difficult as it is to miss the graduation, it might be necessary so that you are around for the long haul.
Second, the Early Childhood Education test... Take it. Don't let OVCA stand in the way of your dream. I'm a fourth grade teacher, experiencing my first recurrence after 10 months of remission (brain mets), I have every intention of being back in my classroom on the first day of school!
Third, instant menopause sucks. I believe that the Celexa I was on prior to my diagnosis helped to alleviate many of the menopause symptoms, including hot flashes!
Your son will miss your physical presence, but he will feel your spiritual presence. I'm sure if you spoke with him, he'd rather you be healthy and focused on healing instead of driving 500 miles.
As for feeling fine during chemo, I handled my chemo pretty well also. it's important to remember that it will have a cumulative effect. Each time you'll feel more tired, and when it's all over you'll need time to recuperate from the chemo.
And you can and should vent here anytime. We understand. We're right there with you!
Hugs and Healing!
Leesa
I plan to
Thanks Leesa,
I plan to re-take the exam in September. This month just seemed too soon. I hope to be completely certified by the first of the year.
My oncologist told me to drink Silk Milk for hot flashes. I bought the chocolate flavor. Have not had one since. I was concerned since it has estrogen. He said I would not drink enough to hurt me, only provide enough to help with the hot flashes.
As I told another lady on this thread, Adam understands. He's just disappointed. Poor kid just lost his Dad last year. My husband was scheduled to speak at his graduation this year. I know that's hard for my son.
I always enjoy reading your posts. you are one VERY strong lady!!
Carla0 -
You have every right to be upset.mom2greatkids said:Thanks Leesa,
I plan to
Thanks Leesa,
I plan to re-take the exam in September. This month just seemed too soon. I hope to be completely certified by the first of the year.
My oncologist told me to drink Silk Milk for hot flashes. I bought the chocolate flavor. Have not had one since. I was concerned since it has estrogen. He said I would not drink enough to hurt me, only provide enough to help with the hot flashes.
As I told another lady on this thread, Adam understands. He's just disappointed. Poor kid just lost his Dad last year. My husband was scheduled to speak at his graduation this year. I know that's hard for my son.
I always enjoy reading your posts. you are one VERY strong lady!!
Carla
You have been through a lot and unfortunately life does not stop giving us challenges when ovarian cancer rears its ugly head. It would be nice to handle one crisis at a time. I went through a lot in the few years preceeding my diagnosis and I sometimes wonder if that wasn't a plan to help prepare me for the fight of my life. Take care of yourself. It sounds like your son understands that you cannot make his ceremony even though missing it is hurting you. I agree that you should take your test. That is quite an accomplishment for someone who I am sure was still in great pain. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Karen0 -
This disease sucks !
I understand about not wanting to miss your son's graduation, I don't care if my kids are 80 years old(they're not) they are still my kids. But you you may have to miss this one to make sure you are around for future milestones.
You are pretty stong and you may not be there in person but your son will know you are there for him. cancer pretty much took last summer away from me but I plan on fighting tooth and nail before it gets anymore from me. I am also clear cell 3c but fallopian tube cancer.
Colleen0 -
I'm not going. I had CBCCafewoman53 said:This disease sucks !
I understand about not wanting to miss your son's graduation, I don't care if my kids are 80 years old(they're not) they are still my kids. But you you may have to miss this one to make sure you are around for future milestones.
You are pretty stong and you may not be there in person but your son will know you are there for him. cancer pretty much took last summer away from me but I plan on fighting tooth and nail before it gets anymore from me. I am also clear cell 3c but fallopian tube cancer.
Colleen
I'm not going. I had CBC done today. Everything was good. 3 weeks ago I was mildly anemic. My counts have gone up some, so today they said I was only borderline anemic. I'm just going to try to be as strong as possible by my next treatment July 19. Thanks. Hope you do well. Yeah this really stinks!!0 -
Thanks Karen.kikz said:You have every right to be upset.
You have been through a lot and unfortunately life does not stop giving us challenges when ovarian cancer rears its ugly head. It would be nice to handle one crisis at a time. I went through a lot in the few years preceeding my diagnosis and I sometimes wonder if that wasn't a plan to help prepare me for the fight of my life. Take care of yourself. It sounds like your son understands that you cannot make his ceremony even though missing it is hurting you. I agree that you should take your test. That is quite an accomplishment for someone who I am sure was still in great pain. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.
Karen
it's like now
Thanks Karen.
it's like now I can't grieve for my husband because I have to focus on this stupid disease. So far I'm doing well. When I had a pet scan 2 weeks ago (first since my surgery) There were 2 lymph nodes in my lower back. Everything else was clean. The dr. said that it was really good that no cancer showed up where my surgery was performed. I still just feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time. It's also very difficult living with someone else. Thankfully I have the upstairs to myself, but it's still hard. My sister and I are as opposite as two sisters could possibly be. We manage, but at times it's difficult. I just want to get well so that hopefully by next fall I can get a teaching job and get out on my own!! I just want to move on with my life.0 -
More than enough
but this "beast" doesn't play fair. This is the place to go when you need to to be understood. I'm so very sorry that you have had to deal with so much. You have every right to feel sorry for yurself, but I suspect that you are a true warrior. I think you'll come thru this chemo, retake your test and celebrate with your son with maybe a more private party.
I'm glad that you're feeling well after your chemo, but it does get harder for your body to rebuild as the chemo infusions go on. I'm busy getting ready for more chemo on Thursday, for I know from way too much experience that I'll be down for the count.
BTW, my babies are older than yours and they will always be my babies. Even though they are strong independent men, I see the little boys in their eyes.
(((HUGS))) Maria0 -
I traveledmom2greatkids said:I'm not going. I had CBC
I'm not going. I had CBC done today. Everything was good. 3 weeks ago I was mildly anemic. My counts have gone up some, so today they said I was only borderline anemic. I'm just going to try to be as strong as possible by my next treatment July 19. Thanks. Hope you do well. Yeah this really stinks!!
I had my first treatment on June 23rd. They checked my CBC and all was well..so we packed up the car and drove 500 miles to my Grama's for the July 4th weekend. I asked the Dr. and he said fine. I had my family with me and slept in the back of the Tahoe there and back. I just dont want this Cancer to be WHO I AM....its just something that i have to deal with. My fight...my battle. I normally take a trip to Las Vegas every summer. I really want to go. Next infusion is this Thursday....would love to do Vegas the first of August. I am playing it by ear. PS.....your son will understand, but they will always be your babies...my babies are 27 and 25!0 -
I feel you
Girlfriend I feel you. I hate cancer, it f$%@*^g SUCKS! Vent all you want. I find it funny how we are similar, but opposite. I say this because I am 31 with stage 3c and my mother just wants to be near me so she doesn't miss out on anything, of course now I want her here. But she lives in NJ and I live in FL, I moved a few years ago. And people are constantly telling me what I can't do. I can't fly on an airplane, I can't lift heavy things, I can't eat certain foods (I have a temporary ileostomy) and blah blah blah. I just want to feel normal again too. But like I say, you can vent all you want because believe me I do my share but we have to keep our chin up even when its down.0
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