Jun 29, 2011 - 11:43 am
I thought I was doing great. Of course I had some sad days. I've avoided this board because I guess I just didn't want to be reminded of my own grief. I know I let some of you down by not supporting you. I'm really sorry about that.
It's been almost 6 months since my husband passed and 7 months since my sister passed. Today I just had a meltdown. I guess all this time I've been running at 100 miles an hour getting so many things done just to block my feelings. I was just running away from them. Everyone was so amazed how well I handled things. Well I guess it's just all caught up with me. I've tried to be a rock for the kids (adults with families of their own) and my Mom who thinks everything is all about her (she's 87 and I think dementia is starting to set in). I've been trying to get the house painted and fixed up in case I have to sell it or just want to sell it. We have only been here seven years. I don't have any really great memories here but I do have friends (all widows) who have helped me through so far.
I just can't seem to think straight and I have to because I am left with a business to run. It's only a small home based business but it's the only income besides social security I have so I have to keep the customers happy and keep up with orders and shipping. Every day I sit in front of the computer and it should be so simple but it seems overwhelming and I'm so tired.
Even now I'm just babbling on and on. At first I lost weight but now I'm putting more back on. Ice cream is the only thing that truly makes me feel good. I don't have it in the house but that doesn't stop me from getting it elsewhere.
I know there are different stages of grief we all must go through but it SUCKS! I just want the hurting to stop. I could ask the doctor about upping my Prozac but that will put me in a fog and I think I have to have these feelings before I can move on.
Can anyone tell me how they have coped with their feelings this far down the road after they've lost someone?