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Will Miss You Much Mom!!

MRivera0929
Posts: 13
Joined: Jun 2009

After 16 long years of fighting cancer my mother passed away yesterday afternoon. The last 8 months were very hard on her. She had become more frail and lost her independence. She was miserable not being able to do the things she loved to do. In the last week she developed a case of shingles. We just assumed it was because of her weakened immune system but still thought we had more time. Yesterday morning she was found unresponsive but breathing. I went to see her and tell her how much I loved her. I told her it was okay to go. I told her she didn't need to suffer anymore. I assured her I would be okay without her. I left to inform other family, call the mortuary, eat something, and run an errand. One of my aunts and cousins should up and I arrived shortly after they did. She stopped breathing right as I was arriving. My only consolation is that she did not suffer and was not frightened by what was happening to her. Those were our worst fears. In addition she was surrounded by family when it happened. I guess in those ways it couldn't have gone any better. My only regret is that I didn't see her the last day she was conscious. The week before had been rough on both of us. When I saw her Saturday she looked better and said she was feeling better. So I took Sunday off to breathe and be with other family. Had I known that was my last opportunity to see her I wouldn't have gone anywhere else. I just never expected it to happen so quickly. I thought we had a little more time. My heart is relieved she doesn't have to suffer anymore but it also hurts to not have her here anymore. I'm 28 years old and have been caring for my mom since 1995. I have no idea what I am going to do without her here. She was such a big part of my life.

I love you mom and I ALWAYS will. There won't be a day in my life where I don't think of you. I promised you I would stay strong and I'm trying to keep my word. I hope I make you proud but most of all I hope to see you one day.

Tracy P
Posts: 7
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You will continue to think of your mother everyday, at first with sadness, then with reflection, some good days and some difficult days. I lost my mother to in November just before Thanksgiving. And even now, some days I just cry. She spent her last few days in Hospice and she was unconcious the entire time. I was glad she was out of pain. I sat by her bedside and spoke to her daily. When she passed, if felt like the bricks had fallen on me. I didn't know how I was supposed to handle it. And, I could not understand how the world could continue to turn without my mother in it. Didn't they know what they had lost? You will continue to love your mom and wonder about how she took things mentally, and doubt yourself about her care. But know in your heart that your mother is released from the pain, and its okay for you to cry, to laugh, to scream, and to be sad. It's difficult to lose a "presence", and our mothers tend to be the strongest "presence" in our lives. It takes time to accept this great loss.

doura
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2011

i know exactly how u feel i lost my mom yesterday.she was only unconscious for the last hours .i was with her the whole time.yes i felt the releif she had after she deid no more pain no more suffering i said to my self thank God. it was horrible year for her so much pain,medicines,chemo,doctor's visits ....u name it.i don't know how on earth m i going to deal with the loss of my soulmate.may all mothers rest in peace

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

I lost my mother may 27th....it was horrible...she was unconscious for the last3 days...I feel like we made her be unconscious with the morphine....i still don't know if we did the right thing...hospice told us to give her the morphine, so we did....she never regained consciousness....i don't know if she could hear us....I spent the past 2 years taking care of her....I had no idea how hard this was going to be....I have no motivation....I am angry....I am sad....I am baffled by my mother's last week.......should we have given her the morphine or not? What would have happened if we didn't? idk.....when will I feel better and have any energy....??? Usually, I handle things so well....nothing ever gets to me....this has gotten to me.....A LOT>..I feel like I lost my best friend and I didn't even know we were best friends......she was my mother....

doura
Posts: 5
Joined: May 2011

it's 4 days now. funeral is over ,people is starting to go on w their lives. the bad thing that we have to do so. I don't know how life will be without her but I think everybody has his own way in expressing grief & gratitude to his beloved ones .so I’ll figure a way to express my gratitude to her deep in my thoughts & prayers cause what i feel can't be described or felt except by her soul.

@ lisa13Q plz don't hang on to the bad memories if u hadn't given her morphine she would have had another thing that led to the end .it is a horrible disease as once the doc said to us when we wanted to stop chemo & give up all medication
"u cannot make a gentleman agreement w cancer, u can't tell him I’ll leave u alone & u leave me alone, better control than regret" but then was when we could choose but after she was v week & it was widely spread it was destiny & we couldn't do anything about it.
hang on I’m sure ur mother & mine just want us to feel peace & go on w our life as her legacy on earth.
god bless u

Dorbrad
Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2012

I lost my mom nov 25 2011. She was out of it to from morphine. Trust me you would not have wanted her to spend very last hours in pain. You are blaming yourself and that is normal. My mom was my best friend as well. I talked to her everyday. I'm 27 and my 47 yr old husband has both parents. It's hard to find someone who understands. I have nightmares and also a ache in my heart a emptiness, but you know what its ok that's what makes us human. All we can do is try and accomplish all we can in life cause that was your mom who made you the great person you are. God bless you

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