Finished with chemo June 3 - lots of mixed feelings - can anyone relate?

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dbhadra
dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
in Breast Cancer #1
Hi all:

I just finished chemo last Friday. After a week of feeling utterly lousy, I am back to "normal", more or less. But I thought I would feel happy, relieved, overjoyed....but in reality I feel scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I keep wondering "is it really over? am I going to have a reoccurance and have to go through chemo again?" I guess I can;t believe that it's really over. Now that I know how much chemo sucks, I never want to do it again. And I'm afraid that I will have to, someday in the future. Is that crazy? I feel like I have been braced so long in preparation for the next chemo that now that it has stopped, I feel really weird. I want to feel happy about it, but still feel post tramatic stressed - I guess as long as it was going on, I had to hold myself together, now I feel like I am about to fall apart.

Am I making any sense? Did anyone else have feelings like this post chemo?

Thanks!
Laura

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  • sinee
    sinee Member Posts: 196 Member
    #2
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    Hi Laura
    You are making perfect sense, but let me say this, Cancer's not who you are, it is something that happened to you. Your broken leg would heal and the cast would come off, and everyone would say you can stand on it now, and when you do, for the 1st time, it feels a bit weird, like it could break again and you could go crashing to the floor. You are just kind of crashing to the floor. It will be ok, a good cry, of relief, and as many days as it takes. I am glad you don't have to go for radiation. That is where I am at right now. Chemo ended, surgery is over and I am on my last leg with the cast still on...not sure what I will feel or think when the radiation is over. Hope you pop back in and stay in touch. For now, after the tears of relief and strangeness are done, your life is waiting for you. Go, embrace it, change the parts you didn't like, now that you know how fragile life is. Stay strong sister. You did it~you kicked cancer~Congratulations~Cindy
  • Ann2800103
    Ann2800103 Member Posts: 31
    #3
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    Yes Maam makes perfect sense..... 1998 diagnosis
    After my chemo I felt vulnerable and felt like ok, what next. My Dr told me what would help me is doing some things that will help keep the cancer away. I take the vitamins Cell Protector from GNC and also take Olive OIl Three tablespoons a day. they have found that they help halt tumors. Drinking a cup of green tea a day. Its like pulling your control back.

    It may seem small but it does give you a lot of comfort knowing your DOING something about this condition.

    The feelings will lessen but never go completely away.

    Hugs'
    Annie
  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #4
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    Mixed feelings are so very
    Mixed feelings are so very normal. Cancer treatment dominated my life for a year and with it came fatigue and exhaustion. It will be a year this June 15, 2011 that all treatment was completed. I'm finally getting back to feeling "normal" but then I'm 68 and I find the younger girls rebound quicker than I did, and of course we are all so different.

    Strange as it sounds the cancer center became my 2nd home and my team became my 2nd family. I somewhat mourned not seeing them on a regular basis because these were the people who were loving me and helping me fight this crazy thing that happened to me. My husband even felt a certain attachment to all of it. I dont miss any of the treatment but I guess I missed the people who were helping me fight this beast so I could eventually go on and live my life to the fullest. I've been getting on with my life slowly but surely and must say that my visits to the cancer center and all my doctors are not as frequent and I'm very happy that is now the case. I'd be happy to never return but I must to stay ahead of this beast.

    This whole cancer thing is a process, and like Chen always says, " we do what we have to do, to do what we want to do". I promise you that your mixed feelings will subside in time as you begin to feel more and more like yourself again.
  • LoveBabyJesus
    LoveBabyJesus Member Posts: 1,679 Member
    #5
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    I am not done with chemo
    I am not done with chemo yet, but I already question "then what?". What I find might help me is doing my own treatments by changing my life styles. For example, I was ER pos so I cut red meat and dairy foods. I am learning more about hormones and even considering some options (surgery) to help me, if it applies. Eating the right foods, but those that only apply to my condition. That will make me feel in control, and that I am still getting treatment - just not chemicals. Some people don't mind eating normal, which I respect that too. I choose to make changes because it helps me mentally. If you make life changes, I hope this will help you.

    As I've heard before, things get better with time. (Time cures and heals). I hope you find a way to feel better very soon. And remember we are here for you.

    Gob bless you.
  • maureenb
    maureenb Member Posts: 6
    #6
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    Hi
    I can totally relate as I just finished my last chemo on May 26th and still feel as bad as I did the week after. I am just tried of being tried. I start radiation on June 16th. I got all the side effects except one that I wanted. I call it the skinny chemo as I blew up like a balloon. (Steriods) HA HA.... So I am expecting to get all the side effects from radiation. But in the long run it is all good. I don't usually comment but let me just say THANK YOU ALL for sharing your experiences as it has helped me and my husband to understand what I was feeling was actually normal. You are all super hero's to me and I appreciate all information you provide. Thank you and good luck to everyone..... Maureen
  • grams2jc
    grams2jc Member Posts: 756
    #7
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    Me too
    I finished chemo the end of April then started rads the middle of May. After chemo my MO ordered a pre-rads CT which came back clear, and that made so much difference in my thought process. I am still worried about it all and still think sometimes that it would be so great to have an in-home test to prove to me I am ok.

    I would use it every day,

    Jennifer
  • dbhadra
    dbhadra Member Posts: 344 Member
    #8
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    grams2jc said:

    Me too
    I finished chemo the end of April then started rads the middle of May. After chemo my MO ordered a pre-rads CT which came back clear, and that made so much difference in my thought process. I am still worried about it all and still think sometimes that it would be so great to have an in-home test to prove to me I am ok.

    I would use it every day,

    Jennifer

    Thanks alll
    For your loving comments. I did not mention earlier but actually I had chemotherapy first, so still facing surgery and then radiation. It is a long journey and I have heard that getting back to normal takes as long as your treatment took, if not longer. I still have little energy and little desire to move my body and feel sluggish almost all the time. I've also gained 15pounds and have the steroid moonfaced in addition to being completely bald. None of this is great for my self confidence/self esteem in terms of how I look. But mentally I have become so much stronger through this process and want to keep my mental toughness going through the next phase of this journey.

    Laura
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #9
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    I have finished chemo and
    I have finished chemo and radiation and I feel a little lost. I do worry about cancer coming back. Now this sounds weird--but I try to think about that and put together little plans as to how to handle it again. I'm worried that if I don't do that, and it comes back, I will be so devastated I won't know what to do. It's not as bad now as it was at first. I finished everything in March. My oncologist warned me that many people did have this type of reaction once treatment was completed.

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