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Woke up with hot flashes

gramp
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

I lost my 85 year old father to colon cancer back in Feb. Even before he died, I was in constant overdrive; taking care of him, watching his decline, knowing that he was going to leave me. Thank goodness for Hospice, friends, and family; they got me through some really tough times. After his death, the big push was getting his house on the market to sell. After several weeks, we listed it and to my astonishment, signed a contract two days later. Dad must have been watching over me! Now, I feel like I'm finally getting caught up with my other "dad" stuff: paying bills, cancelling accounts, all that horrible paperwork; the house is on its way to a new owner, and apart from tax stuff, I feel I should be calming down. But, I feel like I've hit that proverbial brick wall - I'm still running that marathon but I am so out of steam/ but to top things off, I am having trouble sleeping, my thyroid is going haywire again (hyper/hypo), the occasional panic attack/anxiety/fears come and go, and I've had episodes of hot flashes two of the last three mornings. Even though I am seeing a grief counselor and have great support from my family, I am still feeling so sad and miss my dad every day. I just need to talk...my dad lived just a few blocks away from me and my family. He was a constant and now he is gone. It hurts; some days I seem fine then others are really bad. Bad days may have been put on hold temporarily while we worked on his "stuff". Now there's more room in my head to think and reality is slowly seeping in.Thanks for "listening" - this discussion board seems like a good idea.

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

It doesn't sound like you have really had time to grieve. I'm glad you are seeing a grief counselor. When I lost my dad, I was so busy taking care of things including my mom, I'm not sure I really dealt with it for several months. The let down when everything was done was hard. Now you really need to take care of yourself for a change. Sometimes that's a difficult task for us caregivers. Glad you have joined us here. Fay

gramp
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

I made an appt to see my doctor - this past week-end was hard without my father around. You are right - it is time to focus on myself now and take it one day at a time.

DTL

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Many of the symptoms you are describing can be attributed to grief. Felt like I was running the marathon too and after Patrick passed, and I'm still dealing with it, my body goes absolutely nuts: tired all the time, can't sleep, hives, breathing issues, the whole works. Anything chronic I have is worse because my body is still trying to get rid of all the stress built up for the months Patrick was sick.

I agree with Fay - it sounds like you either haven't been able to or haven't allowed yourself to grieve. Hospice should offer bereavement groups that meet weekly or bi-weekly, which along with the counselor should help. When you allow yourself to grieve, the sadness won't be so overwhelming. You will have good days and bad days, just allow yourself to feel them hun.

This will take time. Be patient with yourself - and tell anyone who isn't patient with you to go stick their head in the stove :)

Loves,
April

gramp
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2011

April;
I can't tell you how comforting your post has been. I guess I really am not going nuts? I really have not allowed myself to grieve and now that the pace is starting to slow, losing my dad is finally hitting me. He would have been at my house for the Memorial Day holiday complaining about the heat! My body is certainly taking the brunt of my stress so I am trying to find time to get some exercise.

I'll keep checking -

DTL

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

Even if it's a walk around the block, it will help. Adrenaline doesn't disappear ( yay hives!! ) so anything to redirect it helps out.

I have noticed each person grieves uniquely. The basics will be similar across the board, but each person has their own way. Now, if you can, would be a good time to visit the doctor and get checked out. If you were/are anything like me, you neglected yourself while your dad was sick.

Take it a day, an hour, a moment at a time. Allow yourself to feel. It's okay - better out than in hun.

Loves,
April

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