May 22, 2011 - 7:29 pm
The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~ Rajneesh
Let’s admit it... you can never be prepared enough when you decide to have your first child. There are not enough books in a person’s library to get one through the first year of worry and sleepless nights in my opinion. Soft curls, baby powder and soft cooing sounds do not replace the frightening, blood curdling screams of a newborn.
How in the world did we mothers get through it?
We do the best we can as mothers in the raising of our children sometimes in spite of us. At the age of 6 or so my daughter was beside me while I was driving my car, she was trying to explain to me something and I knew part of her story was not true. She wanted to know how I could tell, so I told her I could tell by the look in her eyes. So she brought down the visor with the mirror and looked at herself to see if she could notice anything different about her eyes. I had to laugh at myself, she looked so serious... she was frowning by now. Sometimes mothers can just tell, they have a sense of when stories are being told, don’t you think? I have to admit it though, between the ages of 12 - 13 became a pivotal point in our relationship. What didn’t destroy us made us stronger... OK, that’s crap! I’m sure my daugher would tell you the same thing. BUT... we did survive it and we did grow wiser because of it and our love for each other is stronger going through it.
My mother and I had our own hard times in our relationship over the years together. I remember the first time I told her I hated her. I was the same age... 12 - 13 and she slapped me for it. Or how about the summer she surprised me with totally redecorating my bedroom while I was at summer camp, it was beautiful. Or how about the “Toni Perm” that changed my shiny straight blonde hair into the “Shirley Temple” doll look alike? I almost died from that makeover. A whirl wind of emotions, hate and love in one instant. Those damn hormones anyway.
Mothers and daughters... there is nothing closer as these relationships go and yet nothing more complicated in trying to understand them. I will miss you Mom, I will miss my relationship with you, our talks of the unknown. You accepted me for who I am, and none of us are perfect. You gave me your unconditional mother’s love no matter what and that can not ever be replaced, thank you. And finally, I hope now you at last find that never ending love you were searching for, may it find you in no more pain, your tears gone and your fear of the beyond answered with light.
May peace be with you Mom.
Your loving daughter, Deb
lovingwife to Bob, stage 4 melanoma