May 13, 2011 - 11:43 pm
How does one even start thinking about the beginning of the end. I talked to my wife's onc at length this evening and since she has cancer cells in the brain (mets cells in the csf), there are parts of her brain that will probably be permanently affected. She told me she has what they call the 'flat affect'. She is very stoic and hard to talk to. She said it could also be part of depression. The reality is that she will never be the person I fell in love with. And most likely will not improve. The doc said that since I know her the best that she will look to me for guidance as to continuing treatment. How does one deal with that - I am only 46 with a 3 year old.
I have read a some about the quality vs. quantity. I guess I just have to wait and see. Doc is giving her 2 weeks to evaluate. She is in a rehab right now. If she stops smiling when she sees the kid, then maybe that is a sign.
I am scared and really don't want to go through this process. This is not what we 'signed on for'. I know I will have to. Ahh - the understanding of the stages of grief. Doesn't really help my helplessness right now.