Mother loses custody because she has BC...
This is a female judge!!!!! I am so angry! This judge should be ashamed of herself! She, in my opinion, is discriminating against this woman because she has bc.....isn't that illegal? Grrrrrrrrrrrr.....
I am so pissed off I can hardly post this....I am praying she wins her appeal, which has to be made by June1, I believe....
Let's pray together that she retains custody!
Nancy
Comments
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Making national attention is
Making national attention is really going to benefit her. I have a feeling she will have advocates coming to her defense real soon. I don't understand why this judge chose to do this, I am sure she has some good reasons we aren't hearing about. But in most cases you don't take the children from their mothers. Keep us posted on how this turns out, I am so lousy following the news.
Lorrie0 -
When I first read this I was
When I first read this I was outraged also Nancy, as, I think any bc survivor would be. And, I do think it is awful. When fighting for our lives, we need our family and friends around us.
However, all wasn't disclosed about her situation. I believe she lost her job and had no way to support the children or her at this time. And, I don't think she had anyone, family or friends, that offered to support her during this.
I also read that she didn't lose custody totally, it is shared custody at this time with her ex.
The judge felt that with no job, and, with her undergoing bc treatments, that at this time, the children would be better off with their Father. I don't believe it is permanent, and, she does still have joint custody. And, I think the judge spoke with the children about this also.
I pray that she gets thru her treatments easily and with no side effects, so she can once again, be able to take care of her children and herself.
I don't mean to upset anyone by what I posted, but, that is what I read. It is a very sad situation.
Lex0 -
Petition
I saw this story on the Today show yesterday and I'm not sure who got angrier, me or my husband. There's a petition that can be signed on Change.org. Her name is Alaina Gordano.
marge0 -
i just looked it up...
it states other issues...other then BC...so manybe more to the story...if not it's horrible...
http://www.emaxhealth.com/1275/having-breast-cancer-grounds-lose-custody-kids0 -
Evidently not quite what met the eye....
The stories actually cite the custody decision as being "in part" due to her illness. The primary reason was because she was unemployed and had no means to support the children and was not physically present due to hospitalizations. As unpopular as it may seem, unfortunately the courts must take into consideration the best situation for the children. Living in poverty with an absent mother (because she is gone for treatment) and being cared for by others is not necessarily in their best interest. Further, Giordano was not denied custody. She was granted joint custody. My point is that the stories are not completely accurate and do not reflect the joint custody granted nor the financial situation of the parties (and I'm sure many other things that have not been released to the press). I'm not defending the court's decision, but I am saying that there's information out there that the news media has chosen to ignore. If it were as cut and dry as a cancer patient being denied custody, I would completely agree - but it's just not that simple. Sorry kindreds..
This is part of what one of our sisters posted on FB~ I hope she doesn't mind that I copied and pasted it for you! Things are not always as they appear~ but wow! Are our ♥ in the rght place!!!!0 -
Lex is rightchenheart said:Evidently not quite what met the eye....
The stories actually cite the custody decision as being "in part" due to her illness. The primary reason was because she was unemployed and had no means to support the children and was not physically present due to hospitalizations. As unpopular as it may seem, unfortunately the courts must take into consideration the best situation for the children. Living in poverty with an absent mother (because she is gone for treatment) and being cared for by others is not necessarily in their best interest. Further, Giordano was not denied custody. She was granted joint custody. My point is that the stories are not completely accurate and do not reflect the joint custody granted nor the financial situation of the parties (and I'm sure many other things that have not been released to the press). I'm not defending the court's decision, but I am saying that there's information out there that the news media has chosen to ignore. If it were as cut and dry as a cancer patient being denied custody, I would completely agree - but it's just not that simple. Sorry kindreds..
This is part of what one of our sisters posted on FB~ I hope she doesn't mind that I copied and pasted it for you! Things are not always as they appear~ but wow! Are our ♥ in the rght place!!!!
Lex was right in what she posted. However horrible this sounds at first, the whole story and the facts weren't put out there.
The Mother is unemployed and is undergoing treatment for mets and from what I read, in the hospital a lot for treatment.
She does have joint custody of her children, so, full custody was not given to her ex husband.
I have to say I understand the decision of the court at this time. The children's best interest was put at the top of the list, which it should be right now.
I do pray that the treatments will work, and, work quickly for this young Mother, so, she can be united once again permanently and in good health with her children.
Sometimes the news media just states part of what is happening and leaves out some of the very important facts, as, I think was true in some articles.
Sue
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I think it is terriblechenheart said:Evidently not quite what met the eye....
The stories actually cite the custody decision as being "in part" due to her illness. The primary reason was because she was unemployed and had no means to support the children and was not physically present due to hospitalizations. As unpopular as it may seem, unfortunately the courts must take into consideration the best situation for the children. Living in poverty with an absent mother (because she is gone for treatment) and being cared for by others is not necessarily in their best interest. Further, Giordano was not denied custody. She was granted joint custody. My point is that the stories are not completely accurate and do not reflect the joint custody granted nor the financial situation of the parties (and I'm sure many other things that have not been released to the press). I'm not defending the court's decision, but I am saying that there's information out there that the news media has chosen to ignore. If it were as cut and dry as a cancer patient being denied custody, I would completely agree - but it's just not that simple. Sorry kindreds..
This is part of what one of our sisters posted on FB~ I hope she doesn't mind that I copied and pasted it for you! Things are not always as they appear~ but wow! Are our ♥ in the rght place!!!!
I think it is terrible.I think it was Inside Editon the little girl said she wanted to stay with her mom.She didn't want to go.The judge can say this child understands but she said something different on TV.It is stressful and confusing for the kids.
Many mothers with cancer keep their kids and they have no job.They are very poor too. Not sure if this mother lost her job due to cancer but if so that was wrong also.Many young mothers aren't faced with this.I've never heard anything like this.The families work it out somehow.Just this case was diffferent because the dad and judge made it that way.
Sorry but this can be very hard for the mom and kids.She could possibly loose her battle with what she is faced with now.I cant say enough how many times my doctors tell me stress is a serious factor when it comes to breast cancer.
For joint custody. Her X is miles and miles away. How can that be joint custody.Usually joint is he gets them 6 months and she gets them 6 months.Or other arrangements.Sounds like once they are gone she will not likely see them for as long as it takes her treatment or LONGER.
Remember we all could have been faced with this same thing.How would we feel??? There are many young mothers who are survivors.Thank goodness they were never faced with this.
Do we know everything about the father???? Is he remarried where someone can take care of them. And does he have the care lined up for them since he will be working all the time.I haven't read it all but I think whatever time this mom has she should be with her kids and they with her. I guarantee she will get help in the end.
I'll read more but unless she was a child abuser I don't think this should happen.And she must not be or she wouldn't have them to begin with.
Lynn Smith0 -
terribleLynn Smith said:I think it is terrible
I think it is terrible.I think it was Inside Editon the little girl said she wanted to stay with her mom.She didn't want to go.The judge can say this child understands but she said something different on TV.It is stressful and confusing for the kids.
Many mothers with cancer keep their kids and they have no job.They are very poor too. Not sure if this mother lost her job due to cancer but if so that was wrong also.Many young mothers aren't faced with this.I've never heard anything like this.The families work it out somehow.Just this case was diffferent because the dad and judge made it that way.
Sorry but this can be very hard for the mom and kids.She could possibly loose her battle with what she is faced with now.I cant say enough how many times my doctors tell me stress is a serious factor when it comes to breast cancer.
For joint custody. Her X is miles and miles away. How can that be joint custody.Usually joint is he gets them 6 months and she gets them 6 months.Or other arrangements.Sounds like once they are gone she will not likely see them for as long as it takes her treatment or LONGER.
Remember we all could have been faced with this same thing.How would we feel??? There are many young mothers who are survivors.Thank goodness they were never faced with this.
Do we know everything about the father???? Is he remarried where someone can take care of them. And does he have the care lined up for them since he will be working all the time.I haven't read it all but I think whatever time this mom has she should be with her kids and they with her. I guarantee she will get help in the end.
I'll read more but unless she was a child abuser I don't think this should happen.And she must not be or she wouldn't have them to begin with.
Lynn Smith
I hope things turn around for her...
Denise0 -
I agree with Lynn. Justdisneyfan2008 said:terrible
I hope things turn around for her...
Denise
I agree with Lynn. Just because she doesn't have a job doesn't mean she won't find a way to make it work. I bet the husband had a good lawyer and just won. I have seen many cases in the judicial system that were not fair. There is no way the judge could be in her shoes.
If anyone thinks that the children will be better off with their father because of money then ask yourselves what should be done (in court) if Both parents lose a job, due to the bad economy? Should their children be taken away?
I would be devastated if anyone tried to take my children. I hope she gets them back.0 -
Court caseLynn Smith said:I think it is terrible
I think it is terrible.I think it was Inside Editon the little girl said she wanted to stay with her mom.She didn't want to go.The judge can say this child understands but she said something different on TV.It is stressful and confusing for the kids.
Many mothers with cancer keep their kids and they have no job.They are very poor too. Not sure if this mother lost her job due to cancer but if so that was wrong also.Many young mothers aren't faced with this.I've never heard anything like this.The families work it out somehow.Just this case was diffferent because the dad and judge made it that way.
Sorry but this can be very hard for the mom and kids.She could possibly loose her battle with what she is faced with now.I cant say enough how many times my doctors tell me stress is a serious factor when it comes to breast cancer.
For joint custody. Her X is miles and miles away. How can that be joint custody.Usually joint is he gets them 6 months and she gets them 6 months.Or other arrangements.Sounds like once they are gone she will not likely see them for as long as it takes her treatment or LONGER.
Remember we all could have been faced with this same thing.How would we feel??? There are many young mothers who are survivors.Thank goodness they were never faced with this.
Do we know everything about the father???? Is he remarried where someone can take care of them. And does he have the care lined up for them since he will be working all the time.I haven't read it all but I think whatever time this mom has she should be with her kids and they with her. I guarantee she will get help in the end.
I'll read more but unless she was a child abuser I don't think this should happen.And she must not be or she wouldn't have them to begin with.
Lynn Smith
The mother did not lose her job because of cancer. She decided not to work. She was a freelance writer. The father took a position in Chicago before this court case because he was transferred with his company as a manager. He did not move away to be a jerk (although he might be a jerk). While the children said they wanted to be with their mother (honestly how many children wouldn't say that) the psychiatrist that has been working with the children submitted his report to the court stating that the children were being harmed emotionally/mentally by being in their current situation with the mother.
I can't answer for anyone else, but I can tell you that if I had joint custody of my children and they were physically living in another state and I did not have a job that required that I stayed where I was, I would pack up and move to be closer to my children. You can get good cancer treatment anywhere. And while I don't live in Chicago, my bet is there are some excellent treatment facilities there.
I'm not passing judgment here. I'm just saying that a parent should not be given preferential treatment simply by virtue of the fact that they have an illness (whether that's cancer or anything else).
I think it's sad that the victims here are the children because no matter what happens they lose either way.0 -
And...Brooklynchele said:Court case
The mother did not lose her job because of cancer. She decided not to work. She was a freelance writer. The father took a position in Chicago before this court case because he was transferred with his company as a manager. He did not move away to be a jerk (although he might be a jerk). While the children said they wanted to be with their mother (honestly how many children wouldn't say that) the psychiatrist that has been working with the children submitted his report to the court stating that the children were being harmed emotionally/mentally by being in their current situation with the mother.
I can't answer for anyone else, but I can tell you that if I had joint custody of my children and they were physically living in another state and I did not have a job that required that I stayed where I was, I would pack up and move to be closer to my children. You can get good cancer treatment anywhere. And while I don't live in Chicago, my bet is there are some excellent treatment facilities there.
I'm not passing judgment here. I'm just saying that a parent should not be given preferential treatment simply by virtue of the fact that they have an illness (whether that's cancer or anything else).
I think it's sad that the victims here are the children because no matter what happens they lose either way.
The mother shouldn't be penalized because she has cancer!
On our noon local news, I am 30 miles from Durham, it is all over our local news it was reported that the judge gave "joint custody" because she "Was uncomfortable and uncertain as to how long the mother would live..". Who knows how long anyone is going to live? And the children don't appear to be loving in poverty...the mother does have family, including a sister who helps with child care..wondering if daddy has been paying child support? And he moved, claiming he couldn't find work in this area...which includes the Triangle...this area is not hurting for jobs...
How often do we read on this board, the heart wrenching posts of young mothers with children? What is their main concern? their children! Can you imagine being in this woman's shoes? Facing what may very well be the end of her life without the loves of her life...how's joint custody going to work with the kids in Illinois and her in NC? I doubt seriously if she's in a position to pack up and move...why doesn't daddy pack up and move back to NC ? If for no other reason than compassion for his ex-wife....The mother of these children...
And yes, I am sure EVERY child is emotionally traumatized in some way by a mother having cancer...don't know many who wouldn't be...mine are grown and married with kids of their own and I can assure you they were "traumatized" by the prospect of me dying...
Lots have been reported...there's always two sides to every story and some where in the middle lies the truth...but can you imagine being denied your children, due to joint custody, because of bc? There's got to be a better solution than separating an ill mother, even part time, from her children...
There just has to be a better solution!
The frightening part of this is the precedence it could set for any single parent who God forbid should be stricken with cancer...or any other chronic illness...0 -
Sometimes we don't know the whole story
I don't think in this case that we are getting the whole story. It is not because she has bc that they are going with their father, it is because she is not able to be there with them, is unemployed, and at this time it is better for the children. I am sure that the children will miss her and worry about her, but it also isn't in their best interest to be shuffled around when she is too sick to care for them. Sounds like they spent time with their father when she has been in the hospital while he was living nearby.
As far as the ex-husband is concerned, he may have to move to keep his job, or maybe it is a position that he feels he can't pass up. Whatever the case, she still has joint custody, just not full physical custody.0 -
I agree with your post Lynn.Lynn Smith said:I think it is terrible
I think it is terrible.I think it was Inside Editon the little girl said she wanted to stay with her mom.She didn't want to go.The judge can say this child understands but she said something different on TV.It is stressful and confusing for the kids.
Many mothers with cancer keep their kids and they have no job.They are very poor too. Not sure if this mother lost her job due to cancer but if so that was wrong also.Many young mothers aren't faced with this.I've never heard anything like this.The families work it out somehow.Just this case was diffferent because the dad and judge made it that way.
Sorry but this can be very hard for the mom and kids.She could possibly loose her battle with what she is faced with now.I cant say enough how many times my doctors tell me stress is a serious factor when it comes to breast cancer.
For joint custody. Her X is miles and miles away. How can that be joint custody.Usually joint is he gets them 6 months and she gets them 6 months.Or other arrangements.Sounds like once they are gone she will not likely see them for as long as it takes her treatment or LONGER.
Remember we all could have been faced with this same thing.How would we feel??? There are many young mothers who are survivors.Thank goodness they were never faced with this.
Do we know everything about the father???? Is he remarried where someone can take care of them. And does he have the care lined up for them since he will be working all the time.I haven't read it all but I think whatever time this mom has she should be with her kids and they with her. I guarantee she will get help in the end.
I'll read more but unless she was a child abuser I don't think this should happen.And she must not be or she wouldn't have them to begin with.
Lynn Smith
I agree with your post Lynn. This mother needs her children and they need to spend as much time with her as possible. The pig husband (sorry) should move closer, get a hotel or pay her some support or for a baby sitter. This is truly sad. What does this say to the children? When the going gets tough, move away? I would want to die if someone took my children, even for a short period of time. This poor woman may want to die now, knowing that the time she may have left will be alone....0 -
Quoting part of the article
"It would be misleading to say that Alaina’s breast cancer is the only factor involved in the couple’s custody battle: as with many such cases, this one has mental health issues, allegations of domestic abuse and infidelity, and restraining orders."
We don't know who the restraining order is against. Is it a new partner? Did she leave her first hubby for the same reason? If not, then perhaps there is leeway for bio dad as custodian.
The money should not make one iota of difference. Who will spend thier time parenting the children most effectively should be the deciding factor. I was a former welfare recipient and was able to effectivly parent desipite my poverty and still teach them the value of working for your betterment no matter what. Also are the children fearing that they will not be able to see mom again until there is a funeral? If so this would naturally factor into thier answer to the question, "Who do you want to live with?" As a child I would have said my mom even if she had been negligent if I thought I would have no other chances.
Mental health issues is a rather vague term. Not all mental health issues render a parent incompetent to care for children. When did that start? Have the kids been living with a mother who has had long term mental health issues that the kids are already accustomed to that may be nearly innocuous? Or is this a new diagnosis where there are many unknowns or a propensity for impulsive or unwise choices?
It would be nice if matters were cut and dried but often the waters are muddy. I read an ancient story of a judge who wanted to cut the baby in half as both mothers claimed it was thier child. The one who declined to have her child cut in half was awarded custody. Smart judge. Pray for the kiddos.0
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