May 06, 2011 - 11:37 am
Hello everyone. This is new to me (cancer and the website!) so I am hoping this is a good place to start. First, my mother has the cancer, not me. That is what brings me here. As I read thru the subject lines of most of these posts, I see that what I intended to write about has apparently already been written about several times. So, while I will read thru those I still hope that someone has the magical and instant answer for *my* particular situation. (Laughter okay there.)
Let's start with the fact that my mother and I had not spoken in 10+ years... Until I got "the" phone call about the "c" word. Now it is two months later, she is living me and quite honestly, I feel like a complete failure. While we have both clearly put the past behind us to deal soley with her health, some 'stuff' seeps up every now and then, of course. I can never do good enough, she is not happy with anything and we are all walking on ice around her.
She was diagnosed with Head/Neck Cancer, squamous cell carcinmoa, Stage 4: T4N2B to be exact. Nope, not good. All up and down her throat, neck and in her mouth. It is so massive I can see it on the roof of her mouth and she already has difficutly eating. She has declined a radical surgery offered at UC Davis (which I don't blame her for, actually) and is now going to UCLA daily (via ME) for chemoradiation therapies. Oh, well, as of Monday night she declared she may decline further treatments there as well. Joy, joy.
While I sound sarcastic here today, I have not been this way yet. In the past two months going thru this with her, I have gone thru the fear, grief, bargaining, all those Elizabeth Kubler Ross stages, plus, right? It is just this week I am about 'up to here' (elect whichever elevation you see fit to place your rigid hand) with her attitude. Goodness knows she has a lot on her plate but if her attitude doesn't improve, her health is going to decline faster than ever.
She is 65 and not married. She has no other children. She has ostracized her brother and seems to have not too many friends, or atleast none that are logistically close to her. Therefore, I am her only caretaker. That is a huge load. Add to it my daily life, 3 kids, a husband and a job I need to get to in order to pay my own bills and I now am overflowing with stress myself. And so I am here complaining because I wonder if those with cancer actually realize that those without it go thru a lot of stress themselves?
And so I don't mean to sound horrible here but am thankful for a place to vent. As one post titles itself "I'm going to explode" - AMEN. Me, too, sister.
Any help? (Just reading this gives me comfort, too. Thank you.)
Happy Mother's Day, ladies.