Is there anyone like me

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drea3751
drea3751 Member Posts: 14
in Breast Cancer #1
So I am new but have been reading for the last six months the discussion boards. I had surgery last october for breast cancer and although the breast surgeron oncologist,my oncoclogy doctor and the breast navigator seem to love to sing the song "you are healed and cancer free." It is a great song if I felt in my heart that I am...I suffer from depression in the best circumstances and this has magnified it..i have nerve damage on my none surgical site(had a unilateral mastectomy) take an additional antibdepressant. I feel sad, embarrassed, empty, lonley(not dating before or after diag)frustrated, and did i mention sad. I pray and pray daily, have many prayer warriors...but i feel as though no one understands the anger, dissappointment.....do you

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  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #2
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    So sorry you are feeling this way
    I have said this many times on here...but journal helped me alot...while doing it I DID NOT Think so...but now I THINK it was a great help! IS there a Therapist at your cancer center? I looked one up on one of my BAD days...and she was a great help...

    This site is great...many helpful and caring thoughts...

    Denise
  • drea3751
    drea3751 Member Posts: 14
    #3
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    So sorry you are feeling this way
    I have said this many times on here...but journal helped me alot...while doing it I DID NOT Think so...but now I THINK it was a great help! IS there a Therapist at your cancer center? I looked one up on one of my BAD days...and she was a great help...

    This site is great...many helpful and caring thoughts...

    Denise

    thank you i do journal
    thank you i do journal mostly in my mind but i do have one i write in. were you misrable or did you see the best in the situation?
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #4
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    disneyfan2008 said:

    So sorry you are feeling this way
    I have said this many times on here...but journal helped me alot...while doing it I DID NOT Think so...but now I THINK it was a great help! IS there a Therapist at your cancer center? I looked one up on one of my BAD days...and she was a great help...

    This site is great...many helpful and caring thoughts...

    Denise

    You didn't say your age ,
    You didn't say your age , but I think it depends a lot on your age and where you are in your life as far a being single or married, having children or not.. I'm sure it's much worse for younger women to deal with the surgery, the body image issues, the hair loss etc., than it is for someone older. At 61 I guess I'm just grateful to be well for the time being. Of course , we all worry about it coming back. But I find I really don't care at this point about my misshaped reconstructed boobies and all the scars. My hair is very thin and fragile now where it used to be thick and strong. I don't have have the strength I used to have and I just found out that I have severe arthritis in my knees. But I'm still kicking(figuratively, lol)! I still enjoy my friends and my family. I still enjoy my hobbies. And I still work everyday. I hope yuou have people close to you to share your feelings with. No, they will never understand, but sometimes you just need to vent your frustrations.If not, you can always vent with us.
    Dee
  • drea3751
    drea3751 Member Posts: 14
    #5
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    dyaneb123 said:

    You didn't say your age ,
    You didn't say your age , but I think it depends a lot on your age and where you are in your life as far a being single or married, having children or not.. I'm sure it's much worse for younger women to deal with the surgery, the body image issues, the hair loss etc., than it is for someone older. At 61 I guess I'm just grateful to be well for the time being. Of course , we all worry about it coming back. But I find I really don't care at this point about my misshaped reconstructed boobies and all the scars. My hair is very thin and fragile now where it used to be thick and strong. I don't have have the strength I used to have and I just found out that I have severe arthritis in my knees. But I'm still kicking(figuratively, lol)! I still enjoy my friends and my family. I still enjoy my hobbies. And I still work everyday. I hope yuou have people close to you to share your feelings with. No, they will never understand, but sometimes you just need to vent your frustrations.If not, you can always vent with us.
    Dee

    well i just turned 40 after
    well i just turned 40 after diagnois before surgery..two children 1 is 19 in college a girl and my second daughter is graduating high school this june. I also hate the clothing issues...every dress, every shirt , every blouse is VNeck ( which did not bother me until this)
  • butterflylvr
    butterflylvr Member Posts: 944
    #6
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    drea3751 said:

    well i just turned 40 after
    well i just turned 40 after diagnois before surgery..two children 1 is 19 in college a girl and my second daughter is graduating high school this june. I also hate the clothing issues...every dress, every shirt , every blouse is VNeck ( which did not bother me until this)

    Awwww...
    I am so sorry you are feeling this way. My response towards my diagnosis was completely different, I took the bull by the horns and never looked back. I have a loving husband of 24 years and no children, but a loving family and a great support network of friends and coworkers. I often wondered if I would have had the same emotions had I still been in the "dating" scene.

    It looks as though you are quite a ways through your BC journey, I can only hope you didn't have to venture down this path with nobody there to walk beside you. You have every right to be angry and frustrated and that is one of the great things about having this board. I've gotten great advice already and I am sure there are others out there just like yourself.

    Sound off anytime... I wish I could help you more here though.
    Hugs,
    Lorrie
  • Gabe N Abby Mom
    Gabe N Abby Mom Member Posts: 2,413
    #7
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    Hi Drea,
    I'm very sorry you
    Hi Drea,

    I'm very sorry you had the need to find us. Since you've been reading here for the last six months you already know this a caring supportive powerful group of people.

    Please don't be afraid to ask you're docs for medical/pharmaceutical help in dealing with the depression. I agree that you should seek some kind of therapy/support group, if you haven't already done that. The emotions that come with this dx are powerful, so it takes a lot to deal with them.

    I would suggest you get a copy of Hester Hill's book After Breast Cancer. It's quite good and has a resource section in the back. I think you would find some of the information helpful.

    I also read somewhere (don't remember where) a list of ways to seek laughter. I know, it is so trite to say laughter is the best medicine. But I really think that we need to laugh and hug regularly to balance some of the difficult stuff. Anyway, some of the suggestions were to visit or subscribe to joke websites, cartoon calendars with different cartoons for each day...those are the only ones coming to mind right now.

    You've taken a big step in reaching out to us here, so keep taking steps and eventually you'll reach a place where you can be comfortable and happy.

    Hugs,

    Linda
  • joannstar
    joannstar Member Posts: 403 Member
    #8
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    One thing that has helped me
    is to make a daily "Gratitude" list. I just write down everything I am grateful for and I find that there is a lot.
    Yes, I have cancer and I have bad days when the worries come back full force. Although I've had surgery, chemo and rads the fear is still there...and according to my doctor, only time will help getting over the fear and it will never completely go away...but he says time will lessen the fear.
    I've been told that it will take as long to recover as the treatment was...I am a month out of treatment, so I guess I have 7 more to go.
    I have so much in my life to be grateful for and if I focus on the good things, I feel a bit better.
    Good luck,
    JoAnn
  • missrenee
    missrenee Member Posts: 2,136 Member
    #9
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    joannstar said:

    One thing that has helped me
    is to make a daily "Gratitude" list. I just write down everything I am grateful for and I find that there is a lot.
    Yes, I have cancer and I have bad days when the worries come back full force. Although I've had surgery, chemo and rads the fear is still there...and according to my doctor, only time will help getting over the fear and it will never completely go away...but he says time will lessen the fear.
    I've been told that it will take as long to recover as the treatment was...I am a month out of treatment, so I guess I have 7 more to go.
    I have so much in my life to be grateful for and if I focus on the good things, I feel a bit better.
    Good luck,
    JoAnn

    I also do what JoAnn does
    Most of my prayers are prayers of gratitude for all the wonderful things that are in my life. That being said, I was in a very depressed state when I was first diagnosed--and it was really hard to find gratitude in anything. I have never suffered from depression in my life. However, my wise doctor put me on an antidepressant (Zoloft) and I've been on it ever since. I've never been an advocate of pharmaceuticals, but in this case, I really felt it was necessary for me and helped me tremendously.

    I also find that when I'm helping others, I'm feeling less sad and fearful for myself.

    Choose whatever advice is offered here on this forum and try to make it work for you. I think it's safe to say many, many of us have been where you are and have managed to walk through the darkness to the other side. Praying that you can too.

    Hugs, Renee
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #10
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    drea3751 said:

    thank you i do journal
    thank you i do journal mostly in my mind but i do have one i write in. were you misrable or did you see the best in the situation?

    @Drea (sorry dont' know your name)
    I had lumpectomy followed by 8 wks radiation and then tamoxifen..(2008) recently taken off of it..

    I was lucky/ fortunate I did not have any side effects from radation at all. I have great memory but when I SKIM my journal now...much I forgot...but everyone once in awhile I re-read...things I THOUGHT would stay fresh in my head did not..

    I HOPE YOU feel better...

    I tried to look on the good side of things...oddly...

    Denise
  • Lighthouse_7
    Lighthouse_7 Member Posts: 1,566 Member
    #11
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    missrenee said:

    I also do what JoAnn does
    Most of my prayers are prayers of gratitude for all the wonderful things that are in my life. That being said, I was in a very depressed state when I was first diagnosed--and it was really hard to find gratitude in anything. I have never suffered from depression in my life. However, my wise doctor put me on an antidepressant (Zoloft) and I've been on it ever since. I've never been an advocate of pharmaceuticals, but in this case, I really felt it was necessary for me and helped me tremendously.

    I also find that when I'm helping others, I'm feeling less sad and fearful for myself.

    Choose whatever advice is offered here on this forum and try to make it work for you. I think it's safe to say many, many of us have been where you are and have managed to walk through the darkness to the other side. Praying that you can too.

    Hugs, Renee

    I will say a prayer for you.
    I will say a prayer for you. This isn't an easy journey, but we are all here for you.
    Hugs & more Hugs,
    Wanda
  • poplolly
    poplolly Member Posts: 346
    #12
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    Drea,
    I am clinically
    Drea,

    I am clinically depressed and was before the diagnosis. I suggest you talk with your doctor to see if you might need to change medications or adjust your dosage. Depressed people sometimes can't sleep and that fits me. So if you're not sleeping, the doctor can give you something to help. Without sleep you are tired and more depressed. I cried for a while after I was first diagnosed. I've done a lot of what others here have said. I am retired so I don't work to distract my mind. I distract myself with hobbies, and I find myself organizing closets, drawers, etc. Clothes are definitely an issue. I just make sure my necklines aren't too low. I do think the fact that I'm older is in my favor. I'm 59. I have days where I feel rather blue, but I really work hard to keep my mind on more positive things. Mind you, it's just not always possible. What I think we go through is a grieving process after the diagnosis. Anger and disappointment are a part of that process. If there is anyone near you who has had or does of cancer, get with that person. Only those of us who have this disease understand the fear.
  • Heatherbelle
    Heatherbelle Member Posts: 1,226 Member
    #13
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    Hi Drea,
    Im sorry you're
    Hi Drea,
    Im sorry you're feeling this way, im in the same boat. I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was in college at age 20, and have had several bouts of depression since, so I know how you feel. It seems like after treatment (in my case, surgeries and chemo) was done, my depression worsened. I was deemed "in remission" by my doctor & have no evidence of diesease (yAY!!) But still my depression worsened. I felt alone, sad,angry, and scared. I think it's completely normal, and just about everyone I have talked to about this has told me that it's expected & normal to go through a depression once treatment is over. The good news is that I'm starting to come out of my funk. I hope that you do too. Are you on facebook? If you'd like, send me a private message with your name & ill send you a friend request. It's much easier to communicate & get to know someone on there :) Best of luck to you & lots of hugs!
    *hugs*
    Heather

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