Apr 26, 2011 - 10:49 am
Frank died yesterday morning. I spent the night at my mother's apartment. I was afraid to come home this morning but I finally did (had to feed the cats). I know I can't avoid being home, I have to get used to being here alone.
Since Frank did not want a funeral or service, there is nothing I have to do. I am planning on going back to work tomorrow. It's better than sitting around this empty apartment. We worked at the same place (different departments but same floor)and he worked there many, many years so everyone there is very sad. It's going to be just as hard walking into the office as it was to come home this morning, but I have to get it over with. My staff, who are so sweet, want to have a welcome back breakfast for me. I hope I can get through it without crying.
Besides feeling unbelievably sad, I feel anxious today. My stomach is upset and I have to keep going to the bathroom. I am afraid of having an anxiety attack. Deep breathing...I only have to make it a few hours, then my mother is coming over and we will watch DVDs and zone out.
I will just keep reminding myself that even though it feels like I can't get through this, I can, and I will. One day at a time.