I can't shake this feeling of doom

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anniem123
anniem123 Member Posts: 19
in Breast Cancer #1
It has been a year since diagnosed with stage2b breast cancer and went through all my treatments and everything seems good. I should be happy, right. I was briefly but I am back to crying all the time. I can;t seem to function.I need to go to school and I can't seem to get myself to stop crying to get there. Why is this happening!!!

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  • emamei
    emamei Member Posts: 146
    #2
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    Feeling of doom...
    As I understand it, what you are feeling is quite normal. Going through breast cancer from diagnosis, to surgery, to treatments, is incredibly traumatizing. Typically, everything from the beginning of the bc journey to the end happens so fast that we don't realize just how deep it all affects us on an emotional and psychological level. What you're describing sounds like PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). I'm not a psychologist, just a woman like you who is still going through treatment. But, my psychologist who works out of the cancer agency where I live told me that PTSD is not uncommon for women who've gone through breast cancer. I think the fall out your experiencing could be the result of all the time you had to be strong and fight and think only positively, going from one step to the next in your treatments, etc., that you possibly didn't have the time to just let go emotionally.

    Do you have someone you can talk too? A counselor, psychologist, therapist, or join group therapy? Does you cancer agency have these resources available?

    I believe it will get better for you. I also believe it is in your best interest to reach out and talk to someone about what you're experiencing. I'll be thinking of you...
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #3
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    This is very common.
    Now that your treatments are done you may be experiencing post traumatic stress. The treatments can cause changes in our brain chemistry which can cause depression...not to mention that you had your life threatened by bc. Please talk to your oncologist and ask for advise. Time to take your life back but you may need help to get there. Hugs and love.

    Roseann
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #4
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    You are not alone. Many of
    You are not alone. Many of us have experienced what you are experiencing and say that the emotional aspect of cancer is the most painful part. I know I felt betrayed by my body and lost trust in my ability to stay healthy. Staying active, eating right, and time combined with counseling and medication have really helped me. Many women find acupuncture, yoga, and meditation healing. I am sending you hugs, healing thoughts, and wishes for a beautiful day. xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • laughs_a_lot
    laughs_a_lot Member Posts: 1,368 Member
    #5
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    There has been a war
    The ladies may be on the mark when they say PTSD. There has been a war going on in your body. It is a war you did not start and would not have consented to if you had been given a choice. None the less you have had to fight for your life and you have made it through. Now comes the emotional work to clean up the mess caused by the war.

    At the very least you have some grief work to do. Getting some counselling would be the best gift you could give yourself. Your counsellor will likely be able to determine if you need to have group work or medication as a part of your continued recovery and would be able to refer you to those who can help with those issues. Sometimes for medication it is merely your primary care physician as most states seem to reserve the psychiatrist for the most severe cases of mental illness. I seriously doubt you fall into that category.

    That being said if there is any family history of depression or other mental illnesses do not hesitate to bring this up in counselling or with the doctor. Issues of depression can have a hereditary component that is not activated until you go through a trauma. (The straw that broke the camel's back so to speak, but this was more like a major beam on the camel's back if you ask me).

    If you are advised by your doctor that you need a medication for what you are going through please take that advice seriously. I know no one wants to take another darned med after all that they have been througn. However, consider this. Before breast cancer your brain operated pretty well. Once you had chemo, the delicate balance of neurotransmitters in your brain may (or may not) have been upset. This would be for your doctor to determine. I have seen more people live in what I call "mental health misery" year after year because of the stigma associated with having a mental health problem. Do not let the stigma get in the way of having an improved life. If you indeed need medication, it may or may not be long term. Just give yourself the benefit of the doubt. After all if Sigmund Freud had experinced breast cancer, he himself may have needed medication.

    Previously I did not beleive in psychotropic medications. I thought people should be able to self repair given time. I have changed my mind on this. No, a little pill will not "make you happy". It will however, act like a pair of glasses for you. You will be able to combine it with other recomendations by your counsellor and find a path to recovery that is tailored to your needs. I know I have been on a soap box here so I will leave you to think about these matters. All the best to you.
  • sbmly53
    sbmly53 Member Posts: 1,522
    #6
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    I agree, PTSD
    We fight so hard to get through our treatments and then - what? So, what you are dealing with is quite common. Talk to your doctors. Many of us have been prescribed antidepressants. Perhaps a support group or a therapist who specializes in this area.

    I completely understand the feeling of doom that you speak of, you are not alone.

    Take care,

    Sue
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #7
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    sbmly53 said:

    I agree, PTSD
    We fight so hard to get through our treatments and then - what? So, what you are dealing with is quite common. Talk to your doctors. Many of us have been prescribed antidepressants. Perhaps a support group or a therapist who specializes in this area.

    I completely understand the feeling of doom that you speak of, you are not alone.

    Take care,

    Sue

    Many of us had and still
    Many of us had and still have the feelings your talking about. You really need to tell your doctor about this. Like Sue said, many of us are taking prescribed antidepressants. Whatever you do, just know your not alone in this but you do need to see your doctor. You will feel so much better, weather you find you need to talk it out or you take a pill and it helps you that way. Hugs, Take Care
  • Rague
    Rague Member Posts: 3,653 Member
    #8
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    PTSD - is a possibility
    Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a very real possiblity - it is not limited to battlefield experiences - ANY traumatic experience can trigger it!

    The Women's Retreat I went to weekend before last is aimed at PTSD and is through Ft. Meade (SD) VA Center and is primarily funded by DAV.

    I have some addys with great info

    Biology of PTSD - www.ptsdsupport.net/biology&PTSD.html

    Some of the ones below are a bit leaning to info dealing with PTSD and military but there is good into there too

    www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/helping_a_family_member.html
    www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_wht_is_ptsd.html
    www.ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact/shts/fs_relationships.html

    (Hope I typed then right - if they don't work let me know and I'll check the addys on the handouts we were given.)

    If you (or anyone else would like to get with a counselor with the possibility of PTSD) - please find one who is VERY familiar with PTSD - not all are.

    Susan
  • lizzie17
    lizzie17 Member Posts: 548
    #9
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    our battle
    After being on one antidepressive drug and feeling completely BLAH...for 18 months--- I am now on something else which also treats PTSS and I feel completely different!! And, I have emotions again, enjoy life more, and sometimes shed a few tears. Translated, I feel pretty normal emotionally again. Not that I do not live in fear each day of a recurrence....but, I seem to be handling it better.
    Check with your doctor, and I feel like he/she could help you. Take care.
  • BioAdoptMom
    BioAdoptMom Member Posts: 358
    #10
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    I am just starting my
    I am just starting my journey with chemo and rads still coming so I cannot directly relate, but have read similar stories on another BC discussion board and this sounds normal. I am holding you in my prayers. Please know that we are all here for you.

    (((HUGS)))

    Nancy
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #11
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    All such wonderful suggestions!
    I chose to go without the pills....It was a personal decision, based on the treatments given to my Stephanie before she died (NOT from anti depressants, mind you!!!!!).

    I still have my moments, like with my mom dying. So, when these happen, I call a counselor to help. I also poke around in my own mind to try to figure out what the stimulus is...beyond the global answer of 'cancer'.

    At about your step, I decided to get ANGRY! I said "Cancer got (at that point) 2 years of my life. It will NOT get ANY more!!!!!". So, I found that my solution was to volunteer with the ACS...I was a Legislative Ambassador for the following 2 years. I must admit, I was fairly effective with people...being a 2-fer (rectal followed by breast cancer). I met MANY wonderful people during those 2 years, one of which is still very close...she came to my mom's memorial to offer me support.

    BIG, warm hugs to you! Kathi
  • dyaneb123
    dyaneb123 Member Posts: 950
    #12
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    Yeah It's pretty common
    Last summer I wnet on a crying jag that wouldn't quit. My Onc. put me on effexor which is an antidepressant that also is good with some of the side effects of Tamoxifin. I've been on a pretty even keel since then. Do what you need to do to feel better.
    Dee
  • disneyfan2008
    disneyfan2008 Member Posts: 6,583 Member
    #13
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    so sorry
    I would try therapy...!

    I DID NOT Have this issue.....but while I was going through radiation I had a few BAD days..(mostly due to my employer) but at my cancer there was a great social work/therspist! She helped me a great deal (I only saw her few times) She gave me a journal whihc was also great help to me in hind sight!

    I"LL check back to see how you are doing..

    Denise
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398
    #14
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    It is NORMAL
    Finding our new normal is something we all have to come to grips with. Trauma causes all sorts of things especially to our minds. We are now found to have post traumatic stress disorder, survivors guilt and Fear driving us forward.
    I actually found posting what CANCER CANNOT DO saying on my fridge helped to remind me all of the things that cancer cannot change. Remembering that simple thinking can carry us along way, like "Where there is a garden there is HOPE!" I am big into gardening and cleaning up the yard now something I didn't feel the same about before. Reading how to simplify our lives can go along way with reducing the fears that come with complicating things.
    I am 14 years out and Survivors Guilt is something I cannot seem to get a grip on and as my friends now are passing on it is unbearable. I have to find the strength to move on inspite of it all and we all must find our way to that...
    Tara

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