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my dad died this morning

Prismpunk
Posts: 29
Joined: Jan 2011

I am joining all of you with your loss. I lost my dad this morning to Stage 4 Esophageal Cancer which metastasized to his liver. He was 61 years old. Please tell me this gets easier over time.

Jonathan

Stargzr
Posts: 47
Joined: Mar 2011

I know how hard it is right now. It's like there is a giant hole inside of us. Many of the people on this Board who are further along this journey say that it gets better. I am a little bit better than I was 5 weeks ago when my husband died. I know that this Board has really helped me. (It's a place where you don't have to pretend that you're okay when you feel like crap. We will understand.) Take care of yourself.

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

My husband passed 2 months today. The first couple weeks everything felt like a train wreck - no matter how small the problem it was HUGE. I missed my husband, the routine I had, the involvement of different people, everything. With help and support, I got through it and still take somethings as they come.

You will miss your dad, and somethings lessen with time. Each person has their own timetable for grieving and you will too. Some things each of us has experienced, some are unique to each of us. It's ok to feel whatever you feel, come here as often as you need to to vent and to see what's up.

Me for one about a month after Pat passed just felt completely exhausted for a week or so. My body was releasing all the pent up stuff and it just wore me out. Take things as they come, one thing and one day at a time.

It does get easier, the pain isn't as sharp, and the longing isn't as deep, but it's there. You figure out how to cope and how to keep going. Take your time, hun. Let yourself feel and reach out when you need.

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm so sorry sweetie. Big hugs and lots of love.

April

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Hi Jonathan,
So sorry to hear about your dad. It's going to be hard for awhile, but yes, it will get easier. I'm sure you have some happy memories with your dad, so you'll have to keep remembering those. Please know that I understand what you're going through. I lost my mom and dad and just a year ago lost the love of my life, my husband of 46 years. Dealing with cancer sucks!!! Please come here for our support! Carole

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

I am so sorry you lost your father. He was much too young. My husband was 63. He was too young, too. For now, things are probably very painful and numbing. My husband died almost 18 months ago. Is it easier? Yes. Is it still painful? Yes. Have I learned to accept the pain, that hole in my heart? Yes. Do I still tear up regularly and miss him on holidays, those month days (for me the 20th of every month), our anniversary, our birthdays, at family gatherings? You bet! Life has changed. Don't expect too much from yourself or other family members. Remember that grief is a process and each of us must find our own way through it. Do what is right for you. Take it one step at a time. Hugs, Fay

DitZy2
Posts: 38
Joined: Dec 2010

So sorry for the loss of your father. Everyone is different but it does get better. I lost my Dad in 2003 but there are still time I miss him intensely. Don't be too hard on yourself and let yourself grieve.

(((Hugs))) Diane

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1160
Joined: May 2008

Sorry for your loss

michelle

skipper85's picture
skipper85
Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

I know you're hurting right now. I remember when my Dad died. He was only 60 and it was very sudden. It hurt for a long time but then it got better and I dwelled more on the good memories than the loss. I just lost my husband in January so I'm hurting again but things are getting better. Still feel exhausted some days but realizing more and more that life goes on. I wish you all the best. I hope your heart heals quickly and you have a wonderful life ahead of you. Remember when you have down days to come back to the board. We've all been there and we've got big shoulders.

(((LOVE & HUGS)))

Skipper

rubyslippers
Posts: 53
Joined: Jul 2010

Hi Jonathan,
At this moment in time, There are no words I can say that can easy your pain. Just be kind to yourself, shout , rant , cry but remember your Dad will always be with you but just in a different way. Remember we are all here to support you, and can I say I have had some major outburst on here and yes they forgive you on here lol. My was taken July last year aged 61 years young, its way to young Jonathan I do understand as do most people here. big hugs

kris xxx

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

Jonathan,

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My dad passed away three months ago from sarcoma tumors in both lungs. I wish I could say it gets easier over time - I just finished crying. I hear that over time it gets less intense, but that you still have your moments. I am hoping this is true. I still talk to my dad, and I keep his memory alive by talking about the wonderful memories we shared, and I try not to focus on the end. Let yourself grieve - give yourself time - the only way around grief is to go through it. It hurts, a lot. I did not realize I would feel a pain in my chest, but I feel a heaviness often. This site has been a wonderful support through this extremely difficult time. Continue to post here, and continue to allow yourself to feel all that you are feeling. Be gentle with yourself...

With prayers to you and your family,

Lauren

Prismpunk
Posts: 29
Joined: Jan 2011

My prayers are with you. I can only imagine how tough it must be 3 months after his passing. I definitely have my moments where I feel a depressing cloud hanging over my head. I have lost my motivation to do things I use to do with my dad when he was still around. I am trying not to push myself and I know it is going to take alot of time to get things back to normal. How old are you?

Jonathan

tanker sgv's picture
tanker sgv
Posts: 128
Joined: Nov 2010

I was just telling my friend I never felt a real pain in my heart caused by sadness. Then this past week I feel so sad and feel my heart hurting so much. I'm the strong one, the caretaker that the doctors gave me their home numbers and invited me to round table meetings with her team of drs I set up. Then in November my mom passed, I was doing fine till a month ago then bam outta nowhere I realize my whole family is gone, growing up watching my family die didn't prepare me to accept death it just helped me ignore it. I can't believe I helped my parents accept death, I told my dad when I was 14 I love you and its time to let go I UNDERSTAND then at 26, last year I said the same to my mother. I have one aunt and one brother left. My parents didn't even reach the age of 48. Cancer has left me lonley and now this pain. I'm mad at myself for lieing for thinking I might of lived a life in the shadow of the reaper that I figured out death. It was nieve for me to so stupid about such an important issue. So I gotta know how do u stop the pain. I can live with everything else....

lucy07
Posts: 48
Joined: Apr 2011

my daughter lost her father just about a year ago, but I still hear her cry once in a while. It will get less painful. It gets ruff during the holiday and birthdays. On the anniversary of my husbands death my daughter and I went by his tree (his friends plant it), played tennis it was his favorite past time. And just remembered.
Remember the good times and hold on to them. It helps.

Prismpunk
Posts: 29
Joined: Jan 2011

Thats all Ive been doing. My dad loved sports and Ive been trying to watch more of it. He also loved oldies songs from the 1960s and Ive been tracking down all of the songs he use to sing while we were driving in the car.

Hopeful720's picture
Hopeful720
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2010

Hi Jonathan - That is a good way to express it "a depressing cloud hanging over my head". You should read my posts in the Panic Attacks thread. I think you will relate to some of the emotions, and the feelings I go through on a daily basis. I have some interests I shared with my dad that I want to continually do and talk about, and some that are too difficult to participate in or listen to... It will absolutely take a lot of time to get things back to normal, because we need to get used to a different kind of normal. My dad was 56, and I am 28. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. We are here for you.

Lauren

Prismpunk
Posts: 29
Joined: Jan 2011

Lauren,

It is a depressing cloud hanging over my head. I want to go back to the way things were and try and resume my normal life, but I'm finding it difficult to find the motivation to do anything these days. I use to go to alot of sporting events with my dad and I don't have the motivation to go anymore. He also had an office in NYC and I don't even want to visit his old office. I don't like the changes that are going on at all. My dad was 61 and I am 24. Have you gone to any bereavement groups? Have they been helpful? Thanks!

Jonathan

Wangari
Posts: 19
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi Jonathan,

I just lost my mother about 3 weeks ago. Looking at how i was days after the funeral and now, i'd say it's getting better. She's constantly on my mind,but somehow I've found a way to deal with it. My heart is still heavy but i'm taking it one day at a time.

There are days that you will wake up and things won't be so bad and there are days that you'll just want to stay in bed, cry and not do nothing. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time and have faith that it will get better with time.

A huge hug from me and God bless.

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

My heart goes out to you Jonathan at this time; I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad to prostrate cancer in Oct. 2001 and my husband to stomach cancer Jan. 23 of this year. I know it got easier with my Dad, but it took time. I know it will get easier with my husband, but it will take time. Just try to take it one day at a time, let yourself grieve and don't be afraid to talk to others or post your feelings here; it does help. Take care and many hugs.

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