Apr 13, 2011 - 6:15 pm
Frank tossed and turned all night, and neither of us slept. He wet himself twice. In the morning I did the laundry and then called hospice for a home health aide (thankfully, starting tomorrow). I helped him take a shower, then he went back to bed. Since his sister was visiting I went to the office for a few hours. When I came back he was still in bed. I thought it would be a good idea to get him up and sit on the sofa for awhile, but just in the few hours I was gone, he seems to have gotten worse, he could hardly walk or process information, we got stuck standing in the bedroom for a while, then I finally got him back to the bed. I am afraid that is where he is going to be from now on.
For the past few days Frank has been deteriorating physically and mentally steadily. I had a meltdown the other day because there was something wrong with the sound system (he had connected the TV, stereo, speakers, DVD, etc in a complicated way) and I couldn't fix it, and I couldn't turn to him to fix it. It made me feel so alone, and for the first time I felt like he is really starting to leave us. It's so strange...on Monday his sister and I took him out to lunch, he walked to and from the restaurant holding our arms. I think that may be all over now. I am so sad right now and I miss him.
I know for every bad day there is a better one. But today was bad, and I needed to let it out. Thank you for listening.