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lizzydavis
lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
edited April 2011 in Colorectal Cancer #1
On Coming to Terms with Death

The most important freedom in life—and perhaps the only true human freedom—is to put oneself right with Death. For the most profound fact of life is death.

Life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one, as night and day, clouds and the rain, the earth and a tree are one. Only the fact of death puts the question of life's meaning in all its depth and ultimate significance.

Only when one faces losing something—or loses it—does one recognize its unappreciated possession. Once we accept the fact of our death—that small piece of time given any of us—then we begin to truly comprehend and fully appreciate our lives, our friends, our small accomplishments, and each day that is given us. I may die before morning and any friends or loved ones may be taken before I can see and talk with them again. It has happened and will again.

--------What did I do to deserve birth? Nothing whatever. It was a gift. I am here—that in itself is a miracle. I have no right to a single minute. Some are given a single hour, others a few years...of being a child, or youngster, or adult... Who has not had friends, now gone, who were given far less than they? No one can choose when they will die—unless they painfully abrogate that ultimate from the Giver of Life. I choose to accept Death now: the justice of death which respects no age or position and the injustice of life in which the unexpected often happens. I have had many good years and although I have many unfinished projects—I do not have the right to a single minute more: I cannot demand another day.
-- As of this moment, I give up my "right" to live, and my "right" to others' lives. Even if my loved ones are taken today from me, there is no way I can feel cheated. I didn't deserve them for a single minute. God knows. And when I do that, every minute and each day is a precious new gift.

--- Another day to hear and see and touch and smell and taste and walk and read and love and laugh and cry and think and celebrate. "For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt unto the sun?

--- And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top—then shall you begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance." (Gibran) Paschal Bernard Baute, 1977

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  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    #2
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    How coming to terms with death can help you really live.
    How coming to terms with death can help you really live. (article)
    IF YOU ONLY HAD A VERY short time to live; if some authority — medical, political, religious — said you would die very soon, you'd live differently because you knew you were dying. Death would be so close, you could not avoid its presence.
    What if you knew for a fact you had only weeks, not years, then only days, then only hours, then minutes, then gone forever? Life as you've known it would be completely and irrevocably gone. If you knew, you'd live differently.
    But you don't know when it will happen, and so you, like the rest of us, live as if you've got plenty of time. By not thinking about our own impending death, we get to avoid the horror, but we also miss out on something really good.
    People who have been given a terminal diagnosis say that knowing we only have months before we die tends to wake us up out of our stupor. We are, in a sense, drugged by the dramas of pettiness.
    Almost every complaint we normally have seems petty compared to death. Car troubles, money troubles, arguments over the everyday ache of broken hearts, broken homes, broken dreams — we would gladly have them rather than death.
    Death makes us sit up and take notice of what's really and truly the most dear. And people who have faced death often say it was a gift to (as the song says) "live like you were dying." People who face death talk sweeter and give forgiveness they've been denying.
    People who face death begin to really live, really care, really love. The bucket list of things you want to do before you die becomes doable. The closeness of death helps us find the time to claim them. We call old friends. We go hang gliding. We take the trip and watch the island sunset together. We finish important tasks. Write our great works. Paint what we see in our hearts.
    We don't waste our remaining precious hours in the mundane or trivial or unnecessary negative stuff. We brush aside all the clutter of the low quality to make more room for the truly important.
    Would you bother with the things that are wrong if it meant less time with those you love? You'd give up battling the wrong and you'd want only to make more right. You'd stop complaining about your loved ones' faults and want only to show your appreciation and gratitude.
    Death brings words of love. Death brings the power to go on adventures, do great works, take long, sweet, deep breaths of air.
    Death separates chaff from grain, the unimportant from the dear. Death wakes us up and says, "Live while you can!" So death brings the sweetest life.
    Wouldn't you like to have that kind of aliveness without having to die soon? What prevents it? The fear of death is one thing that prevents it. We don't want to think about death because it is a horrible thought. When we die, we leave the people we love. That's one of the greatest horrors of death: We lose the ones we love. If you can face up to the bad part, you get the rewards of the good part.
    Confront it. Be with it. Feel it. Because here's the thing: Death approaches! Death always approaches. Now, while your death seems years away, you sort of pretend it doesn't exist. But even it if is years away, it is still there waiting for you at the end of the track and every day it's closer.
    And without a doubt, the moment will come when death is so close you have no choice but to face it and take your last breath.
    I say better sooner than later. Better to live fully between now and death rather than live fully in the few seconds between the realization of imminent death and death itself.
    But to do that, you have to face the horror.
    People want to avoid thinking about death, but death comes no matter what you do — and since it brings and increased ability to live — it makes good sense to dwell on it. Live like you were dying.
    This is a great motto: Live! Death approaches!
    Death brings and increased ability to see what's important. It gives you the motivation to do what you've always wanted to do. It gives you courage. Death enriches life. Death makes life better! Sweeter. More precious.
    Death enlightens. Death empowers. Death enriches. Well, not death itself, but the awareness of death.
    Avoiding death drains us and dulls our senses. Facing death empowers us and heightens our senses. The horror of the separation of the ultimate end creates great joy at being alive. It is the ultimate comparison reframe. It puts us in touch with the rapture of embracing the people we love.
    So don't avoid thoughts of death — but rather remind yourself your death is guaranteed. Feel it. Feel the inevitability of it. Feel the horror of it. And then open your eyes and realize you are now alive.
    Live! Death approaches.
    It's not morbid to stay aware of your inevitable death. It's magical.
    The point is: Death does approach. And the sooner you're aware of death, the sooner you get to turn up the volume on life. Death turns up the volume. Death counsels life. Connected to death, we gain the power to live.
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    #3
    Options
    lizzydavis said:

    How coming to terms with death can help you really live.
    How coming to terms with death can help you really live. (article)
    IF YOU ONLY HAD A VERY short time to live; if some authority — medical, political, religious — said you would die very soon, you'd live differently because you knew you were dying. Death would be so close, you could not avoid its presence.
    What if you knew for a fact you had only weeks, not years, then only days, then only hours, then minutes, then gone forever? Life as you've known it would be completely and irrevocably gone. If you knew, you'd live differently.
    But you don't know when it will happen, and so you, like the rest of us, live as if you've got plenty of time. By not thinking about our own impending death, we get to avoid the horror, but we also miss out on something really good.
    People who have been given a terminal diagnosis say that knowing we only have months before we die tends to wake us up out of our stupor. We are, in a sense, drugged by the dramas of pettiness.
    Almost every complaint we normally have seems petty compared to death. Car troubles, money troubles, arguments over the everyday ache of broken hearts, broken homes, broken dreams — we would gladly have them rather than death.
    Death makes us sit up and take notice of what's really and truly the most dear. And people who have faced death often say it was a gift to (as the song says) "live like you were dying." People who face death talk sweeter and give forgiveness they've been denying.
    People who face death begin to really live, really care, really love. The bucket list of things you want to do before you die becomes doable. The closeness of death helps us find the time to claim them. We call old friends. We go hang gliding. We take the trip and watch the island sunset together. We finish important tasks. Write our great works. Paint what we see in our hearts.
    We don't waste our remaining precious hours in the mundane or trivial or unnecessary negative stuff. We brush aside all the clutter of the low quality to make more room for the truly important.
    Would you bother with the things that are wrong if it meant less time with those you love? You'd give up battling the wrong and you'd want only to make more right. You'd stop complaining about your loved ones' faults and want only to show your appreciation and gratitude.
    Death brings words of love. Death brings the power to go on adventures, do great works, take long, sweet, deep breaths of air.
    Death separates chaff from grain, the unimportant from the dear. Death wakes us up and says, "Live while you can!" So death brings the sweetest life.
    Wouldn't you like to have that kind of aliveness without having to die soon? What prevents it? The fear of death is one thing that prevents it. We don't want to think about death because it is a horrible thought. When we die, we leave the people we love. That's one of the greatest horrors of death: We lose the ones we love. If you can face up to the bad part, you get the rewards of the good part.
    Confront it. Be with it. Feel it. Because here's the thing: Death approaches! Death always approaches. Now, while your death seems years away, you sort of pretend it doesn't exist. But even it if is years away, it is still there waiting for you at the end of the track and every day it's closer.
    And without a doubt, the moment will come when death is so close you have no choice but to face it and take your last breath.
    I say better sooner than later. Better to live fully between now and death rather than live fully in the few seconds between the realization of imminent death and death itself.
    But to do that, you have to face the horror.
    People want to avoid thinking about death, but death comes no matter what you do — and since it brings and increased ability to live — it makes good sense to dwell on it. Live like you were dying.
    This is a great motto: Live! Death approaches!
    Death brings and increased ability to see what's important. It gives you the motivation to do what you've always wanted to do. It gives you courage. Death enriches life. Death makes life better! Sweeter. More precious.
    Death enlightens. Death empowers. Death enriches. Well, not death itself, but the awareness of death.
    Avoiding death drains us and dulls our senses. Facing death empowers us and heightens our senses. The horror of the separation of the ultimate end creates great joy at being alive. It is the ultimate comparison reframe. It puts us in touch with the rapture of embracing the people we love.
    So don't avoid thoughts of death — but rather remind yourself your death is guaranteed. Feel it. Feel the inevitability of it. Feel the horror of it. And then open your eyes and realize you are now alive.
    Live! Death approaches.
    It's not morbid to stay aware of your inevitable death. It's magical.
    The point is: Death does approach. And the sooner you're aware of death, the sooner you get to turn up the volume on life. Death turns up the volume. Death counsels life. Connected to death, we gain the power to live.

    When you get discouraged and you need inspiration...
    Dear Joel:
    Thanks for asking such thoughtful and important questions. Here are some ideas for you.
    > The plain fact of just dying, and then being nothing is completely
    > mind blowing to me. The thought of not knowing what is out there
    > in the Universe, or able to find out the mysteries of even the
    > earths past seems cruel to me.

    ---- In a way it is cruel. Dogs and cats, for example, who don't think, also don't suffer worrying about the future or about death. A dog or cat might live, say, only 15 years, and yet they are much happier than we are and they don't obsess about death. How would you feel if you knew from the time you were young that you would probably live only 15 years?
    It's knowing that is cruel, not death itself.
    ---
    > I remember as a child thinking of all these questions. What
    > happens when you die? If God does exist, who created God?,
    > And the infamous: Why are we here?
    > And what made me feel much better was the simple answer,
    > I will find out when I die.
    Yes, that myth is comforting, which is why we tell it to children.
    > Well, with the thought of no after-life, no soul, and no spiritual
    > being engraved in my brain; it is has brought down my good
    > expectations of death by 100%, but it has made me appreciate life
    > a whole lot more.
    I think you are starting to get it.
    > So just live life to it’s fullest, enjoy it while you are here.
    > NOW I KNOW and understand when people would say that life is the
    > greatest gift of them all. But since you are a smart man with a
    > lot of logic I ask, do you believe in an after life?
    No, of course not. And before you say, it would be nice though if it would be true, think it through as clearly as you can. If people lived forever, we would, eventually, be searching for ways to kill ourselves. Although we are aware of death and mortality, and often scared of it, we were not designed to live much longer than 90-100 years (if that) and still be reasonably happy.
    The biggest question in life, one that we must come to terms with over a very long time, is: How should we think about death?
    The answer is: You figure it out for yourself, bit by bit, over the course of a lifetime.
    Here's an idea to help you. Let's say you were a 10-year-old dog who could think. You wouldn't be happy, in fact you would be going crazy knowing that you would be dead in a few years, probably not more than five. How could you live and not worry about death? That only makes sense.
    Or does it? Think about all the very old people you know. Let's say you meet an old man or woman in his or her 90s. Chance are, the old person won't live more than another five years, just like the dog in our example. Even people in their 70s and 80s know they probably won't live all that long. Many people don't even make it anywhere near 90. And yet, all these people are not chronically depressed, worried about death. Many of them have rich, satisfying lives. How can that be? They are human beings who can think and, as such, they are well aware of their own mortality and that they have only a few more years to live.
    The answer is that, as we grow older, we slowly come to terms with death. The process starts when we are young when, like you, we lie in bed in the dark, wondering about nothingness and being scared, looking for easy answers and comfort. The process continues, bit by bit, as we age.
    What you are doing is normal and healthy. Keep thinking, keep reading, keep talking to other people. You are working on the central problem of your life. There is comfort and acceptance eventually, much more than simply resigning yourself to an awful fate. You'll see.
    When you get discouraged and you need inspiration, just look at the old people.

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