I have a question about your mental journey

I CAN relate!
Yes I can completely relate to your feelings ... as I think many of us can. No matter what our brains know to be true ... our hearts and emotions tell us we must have "done" something to "deserve" our diagnosis. I think many of us can admit that the emotional part of this journey is more draining than the physical part. I know I could not be travelling this road without antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs.

It's just so difficult for us to admit that we need help to get through this ... since we are supposed to be so strong. But ... it takes a VERY strong person to realize they need help ... and to get help.

Good luck ...

big hugs.
teena

Correct me if I'm wrong, but
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sensing that you think/feel there is something wrong with you. Not the physical you but the inherent you and with that can come alot of really ugly feelings about yourself like self contempt and "less than". This is something I've come by through the depression from my hormonal therapy. I am glad you are seeking professional help and hope you come to see the bright light you are that everyone else sees. Yes, this journey is first mental and second physical IMHO, we have much to come to grips with but I think that's where true healing lies. Big hugs to you, you'll work it out
jan

disneyfan2008 said:

good to hear finding professional help..
I LOVE JUST walking and in and sitting down...without even talking helps me with many issues


I UNDERstand you mind know but your heart feels differently.

MINE is for different reason a vere close life tme friend died while I was at Disney this summer...MY head said she wouldn't want you to leave your special trip..my heart sad YOU are terrible for missing funeral by 24 yrs..

I hope you find someone you connect with ..if you not try and try until you find someone that you click with..

Denise

I understand/my long term illnesses
I feel like you. To much to comprehend. I do try to say"there is someone worse off than me" BUT I just don't know them.Only seems to be me who is sick.

I've been through so many up and down medical problems. More than anyone else I know.

My oldest son was a Preemie.I had a bad kidney infection when he was born and I almost died.Then 2 benign breast tumors were found when he was 6 weeks old.Surgery for those.

When I was 29 I had colon surgery.I was in the hospital for 2 months with doctors trying to get me well.It took surgery.

In my 30's a couple more benign tumors were found.Had lumpectomies.

In my 40's I had a fibroid uterine tumor.It was watched for a few years then it grew.I had a total hysteroctomy.Glad now I did.Less chance of cancer and I'm taking tamoxifin.


Now for the grand problem.You won't believe....
In my 50's I had a bladder infection.I was treated with a strong antibiotic but wasn't getting better.Also started running a fever.A few weeks went by and then I started vomiting.Doctor passed it off.Saying it was my nerves.Then I got a bad cold and vomiting.I was put in the hospital.I wasn't better and with all the vomiting I became malnutrioned(sp).Doctor Sent me home from the hosptial(still with bladder infection).Doc Said watch my diet but eat eat eat.Sent home but still called him and even went to the hosp.I wasn't admitted.My doctor said NO.I call him at home.Told him"I am so sick".He said if I called him again he would put me in the mental ward.I called anyway and he told me to come to his office.He got huffy with me and said"I didn't want to do this but will have to have you admitted and put a line in to feed you.Hospital put a line in.That weekend his associate came in to see how I was.I told him I'm not happy.My doctor said I am mental but I have a bladder infection.He then asked "Did the your doctor do a 3 day culture".I said "NO".He(doc assoc) ordered the culture and guess what"All that time i was taking the wrong medicine to kick the type of infection I had.It was a strep infection.As soon as I was given the right med my fever went down. BUT I had to be in the hospital with high powered vitamins pumped in me for a MONTH.A line was put in my neck down to my stomach to feed me all that time.You have no idea what i felt like.OH and the doctor that said I was crazy.He came in after he was told I mentioned that he was telling me I was mental.He said Oh I want you to see a menal therapist anmd will call one for you.You have way to many health problems and you need to talk to someone.My husband was there.I said he is a LIAR.I will never see a therapist.He is passiving me.Of course I was right.Never saw a theapist and that doctor was a LIAR.This was very very frustrating.


Now I have breast cancer.But since BC I have been told I have 8 kidney stones (and a kidney cyst)I am down to 4 stone now.Also bladder infection and sometime blood in my urine but all tests are fine.No cancer.But now I must keep up on my breasts and my kidneys and bladder.

I am 64 and I can tell you it never ends. I am going to be positive most of the time and not get upset like I have been.All tests are done and now after almost 6 months I can breathe for awhile.But not sure for how long.

I hate this being so long but it could happen to anyone.

Lynn Smith

laughs_a_lot said:

feeling of failure
I know I felt like a failure when I had a miscarriage. I for those of us who have an unexpected health issue having anything to do with part of our reproductive capacity we tend to take it as a failure. I think this is because one of our deepest instincts is to reproduce. When something interferes with this we feel as though somehow we are at fault for this. We can internaize this thing that malfunctioned in our body and turn it inward on ourseves. Once we do that it seems to transfer in to something like an intrinsic (living within our being) type fault that we will not be able to rid ourselves of. I am here to tell you that if you have turned this thought inward towards yourself, that this thought is an outright lie. You can refuse to allow your mind to accept this lie.

Your body is not a perfect specimen of constant proper functioning. Niether is mine or anyone else's. Each person's body fails them at one time or another. Despite your body not always functioning perfectly, you have done well. The proof is in your loving family. While you were functioning well you did everything you could for them. When you were not well they decided to love you in return and be kind. They did not decide this in a sterile void. They decided this because of the amount of love you displayed towards them. So when your family sticks by you through all your health difficulties, it is because you have done your best with them and have set a good example. I do not call this failure. I call this success.

By the way
Reaching out for help is one of the most important things you can do. A good therapist will help you sort through the thoughts that have seeped into your pattern of thinking that are lying to you and making you feel like a failure. Also, if the therapist mentions medication do not automatically dismiss the idea. You have been through a lot and sometimes physical problems can have an impact on brian chemistry. If someone told you that you needed medication for diabetes that developed later in life you would be wise to take that medication too. You may not need medication at all. I am just saying if it is suggested, do not take it as another failure. Consider it carefully. Willingness is the key to sucess.

I understand this
I had an unstable mother (drug addiction) who got very angry when her children were in need. I learned that being sick meant I was selfish and more trouble than I was worth.

Someone told me recently that when we are sick as adults we treat ourselves just as our parents treated us when we were sick children.

I always thought of myself as optimistic and easy going, but that's not me anymore. Cancer has pointed out to me, very plainly, that I lack some skills I need to take care of myself emotionally.

I think therapy is a very good idea. I wish you all the best.

Heatherbelle said:

I can relate completely.
I can relate completely. Especially with my family - i feel so bad that my husband & especially my kids have had to go through all this with me. Even though i know that they love me, and that's what you do, you support & take care of your family in sickness & in health, but the feeling that i've been a burden is a heavy one that I carry. And i'm just sick with the notion that my girls may have to face bc someday in their futures. Funny thing - even going through bc herself, my mom feels the same way. I think it's a woman thing.
*hugs*
Heather

No guilt or failure feelings
I do feel like everyone is living their lives, and I am at a stand still. Now that summer is approaching all the fun activities are being planned, and I'm on the side lines because of health issues, once again. I'm at home while the rest of the family is enjoying the sun on the water in the boat. But hey I get to see pics of the fun their having.

sal314 said:

Totally Can Relate
to ALL you've said. I have two special needs children, so thinking that somehow I must have "caused" their condition or that my body is just a "royal screw-up" was a big issue. Yet, I too know "rationally in my head" that isn't the case. I think it's just easier to but "blame" or sense of failure on ourselves than it is to embrace our reality and truly grieve it. Somehow "feeling guilty" or thinking our life circumstances are if our own making makes of feel more in control of our life. This is completely false however!!

Not sure if I'm even making sense. But I think seeking out therapist is a great idea. Just make sure they are certified and have a good reputation. I've been seeing one off and on for years when I hit a bump in the road. It does help tremendously.

Best,
Sally

It takes a strong woman to
It takes a strong woman to ask for help! So don't feel you are weak if you reach out to a therapist. If it wasn't for therapy, I would not be alive today. So much depression, guilt, anxiety and pain that I did not want to live anymore. Therapy saved me! Good luck in your search.

Be Well,
Dianne

Lynn Smith said:

I understand/my long term illnesses
I feel like you. To much to comprehend. I do try to say"there is someone worse off than me" BUT I just don't know them.Only seems to be me who is sick.

I've been through so many up and down medical problems. More than anyone else I know.

My oldest son was a Preemie.I had a bad kidney infection when he was born and I almost died.Then 2 benign breast tumors were found when he was 6 weeks old.Surgery for those.

When I was 29 I had colon surgery.I was in the hospital for 2 months with doctors trying to get me well.It took surgery.

In my 30's a couple more benign tumors were found.Had lumpectomies.

In my 40's I had a fibroid uterine tumor.It was watched for a few years then it grew.I had a total hysteroctomy.Glad now I did.Less chance of cancer and I'm taking tamoxifin.


Now for the grand problem.You won't believe....
In my 50's I had a bladder infection.I was treated with a strong antibiotic but wasn't getting better.Also started running a fever.A few weeks went by and then I started vomiting.Doctor passed it off.Saying it was my nerves.Then I got a bad cold and vomiting.I was put in the hospital.I wasn't better and with all the vomiting I became malnutrioned(sp).Doctor Sent me home from the hosptial(still with bladder infection).Doc Said watch my diet but eat eat eat.Sent home but still called him and even went to the hosp.I wasn't admitted.My doctor said NO.I call him at home.Told him"I am so sick".He said if I called him again he would put me in the mental ward.I called anyway and he told me to come to his office.He got huffy with me and said"I didn't want to do this but will have to have you admitted and put a line in to feed you.Hospital put a line in.That weekend his associate came in to see how I was.I told him I'm not happy.My doctor said I am mental but I have a bladder infection.He then asked "Did the your doctor do a 3 day culture".I said "NO".He(doc assoc) ordered the culture and guess what"All that time i was taking the wrong medicine to kick the type of infection I had.It was a strep infection.As soon as I was given the right med my fever went down. BUT I had to be in the hospital with high powered vitamins pumped in me for a MONTH.A line was put in my neck down to my stomach to feed me all that time.You have no idea what i felt like.OH and the doctor that said I was crazy.He came in after he was told I mentioned that he was telling me I was mental.He said Oh I want you to see a menal therapist anmd will call one for you.You have way to many health problems and you need to talk to someone.My husband was there.I said he is a LIAR.I will never see a therapist.He is passiving me.Of course I was right.Never saw a theapist and that doctor was a LIAR.This was very very frustrating.


Now I have breast cancer.But since BC I have been told I have 8 kidney stones (and a kidney cyst)I am down to 4 stone now.Also bladder infection and sometime blood in my urine but all tests are fine.No cancer.But now I must keep up on my breasts and my kidneys and bladder.

I am 64 and I can tell you it never ends. I am going to be positive most of the time and not get upset like I have been.All tests are done and now after almost 6 months I can breathe for awhile.But not sure for how long.

I hate this being so long but it could happen to anyone.

Lynn Smith

@Lynn
All I can say to you Lynn is you are one strong woman and fighter. When I feel in the dumps, I'm going to remember your story. Bless you

ms.sunshine said:

No guilt or failure feelings
I do feel like everyone is living their lives, and I am at a stand still. Now that summer is approaching all the fun activities are being planned, and I'm on the side lines because of health issues, once again. I'm at home while the rest of the family is enjoying the sun on the water in the boat. But hey I get to see pics of the fun their having.

I haven't felt guilt, but, I
I haven't felt guilt, but, I can understand what you are saying. I think if you think it is right, please seek some help. You have been thru enough that you don't need to deal with feeling guilty about anything.


Hugs, Jan