Apr 01, 2011 - 1:55 am
Wow, I really don't even know how to start this, so I guess I'll just jump in and try. I am 20-years-old, and I have Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I am having a stem cell transplant, and I am so very scared. There are so many things that can go wrong, and I just don't like living in the world of "what if?". My biggest problem right now, besides the cancer, is my boyfriend. He is so amazing and wonderful and supportive of me, but he refuses to discuss the possibilities of me having short-term and long-term complications from having the transplant. And if I even mention the fact that I may die, he just shuts down completely. He means so much to me and I am so in love with him. He's my soul mate...it is kinda crazy how we met and fell in love...it was like a Hollywood movie. We are separated by space right now...he is in New Jersey and I am in Houston. I guess what I really need is advice to prepare him for what may come. I am scared to tell him everything I want to tell him because he thinks I am so strong and brave when really I'm just a coward trying to deal with this disease. All I want is for him to be happy, and I feel like I'm taking that happiness away piece-by-piece by him going through this with me. I'm so sad....sad and scared.
Also, I am new on here, so if anyone wants to add me as a friend, please do. I am kinda great at giving advice to other people, but not so great at taking my own.