Many of you know me and maybe some of you don't. Well tomorrow is the 1 year anniversary of losing my husband, Tom. It was actually on a thursday nite, so today I'm having a horrible day. Can't stop remembering how we sat and watched TV together that night and he even at some yogurt about 8:00. He didn't seem any different than any other night and I never dreamed I only had a few more hours with him. He went upstairs to brush his teeth and get ready for another night in his chair where he had been sleeping. Because of his radiation his voice was hoarse so he couldn't holler out and pounded on the floor with his foot. I went running up the stairs to find him choking and hemmorraging leaning on the bathroom vanity. I just screamed and went to call 911. Also called my daughter who called our 2 sons. When I went back into the bathroom, Tom was reaching out for me and starting to collapse. I grabbed him and laid him gently on the floor. There was so much blood, that I didn't know what to do and stood there holding him & crying. I loved him so, so much and I didn't think this would be our last day together. Soon the EMT'g got there and I ran out screaming for them to please hurry. I was hysterical by this time and soon my daughter got here. They had carried him into the living room by this time and were working on him trying to revive him. Although they worked on him and gave him some kind of drug to get his heart beating again, it was too late. Soon my 2 boys got there and cried "no, no, it can't be happening". They worked on him for over 1/2 hour and then came to me and said " your husbands gone". Everyone always says they go to a better place but the only place he should be is in my arms.
We were married for 46 years and he was the love of my life. He was the best husband, father & papa that anyone could want.
I hope that after tomorrow I will be strong again cause I feel today like I did one year ago and it hurts so bad and tears are running down my face and I just want to hold him in my arms one more time. Will I ever see him again?? God only knows, but I hope one day that we will be together again.
Sorry if I rambled on, but had to get my feelings out. Thank you to all of you who have been such a support to me this past year. So many of you have lost your husbands, wives or other loved ones so you know the pain I feel today. Thanks for being here for me!
I'll be okay, Carole