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My son's wedding

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

My son will be getting married next weekend. It will be a bittersweet event as his father, my husband's absence will be very much felt. I can't help but picture myself sitting in the front row alone and thinking about what should have been. Trying very hard to be strong and upbeat because I don't want him to look back at his wedding day and remember sadness. I want him to be happy. Will push on and deal with another milestone with my best friend.
Becky

david54
Posts: 114
Joined: Apr 2009

Hello Becky-I am in the same situation although my daughter is not getting married for over a year. Last month she asked me to fly down to San Diego and help her pick out her wedding gown. It was a strange scenario, a little sad, yet a role I was eager to fill, her mom (my wife) died in July. She tried on perhaps 12 different gowns and the first one is the one she (we) picked out. She is stunning in it. My wife was so into her daughter’s wedding before she died, I was on the computer last night and opened a folder and saw invitations she had made just a month before she died.

Even though this is a very special day for your son and daughter in-law there is no way his father’s absence will not be felt. There will be tears and that will be okay, denying them makes the situation so much more difficult. I believe there can be tears, sadness, yet happiness and joy in the same breath. I know it will be like that for my daughter’s wedding.

I don’t know about you, but there is no way I will sit alone at my daughters wedding without someone next to me, a positive female role model of course, but sitting alone would be unbearable for me. I would think that anyone would be honored to do the same for you, but that is you decision for what makes you most comfortable.

I applaud your bravery and diligence. And congratulations on getting a new daughter!

David

Wangari
Posts: 19
Joined: Apr 2011

Hi David,
I recently lost my mother. Its still such a surreal situation for me. I miss my mum terribly, but most of all, I worry about my dad. Men rarely express themselves and I worry that his grief will one day be too great for him. I've been going through most of these blogs and haven't found a lot of fathers sharing .

I guess what I needed was to get perspective from fathers on anything we the children can do to make things better.
Thanks.
Wangari

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Becky,
I'm sure your sons wedding will be very hard for you. I know anything I go to alone now is very traumatic for me. Maybe your son could light a candle for your hubby and say a special prayer. I'll be thinking of you!! Be strong & you'll feel his presence.
Carole

David, I think it's great that you went with your daughter to pick out her wedding gown. I'm sure it was just as hard for her to be without her mom. Please try and remember all the happy times with your wife and remember your wedding day.
Take care David!! Carole

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grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

All those special occasions are bittersweet. I agree with David that it is better to acknowledge the absence of the loved one and the sadness attached to that. One of the things that has made things more bearable for me is that those around me can talk about my husband. We miss him and aren't afraid to note his absence. When we took a family vacation, it was not unusual for one of us to say, " Wouldn't Dad have loved that?" or "I can hear Dad now saying..." we felt not only his absence but also his presence, if that makes any sense. Both of you are Doing the right things. David, how wonderful that your daughter felt close enough to you to ask you to share her wedding dress experience. What an honor! I only had sons, but really appreciated that one of the future daughter-in-laws invited me to join her and her mother on that special shopping trip.and yes, it is ok to cry at weddings. My husband and both of our sons cried at both sons' weddings. I was the dry eyed one. Go figure. Enjoy these special times. It is natural to feel some sadness, too. Your children will understand. They, too, will feel the absence. They will also feel the love.

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Thanks for all your support. We will have a memorial candle for Terry at the wedding with his picture. Also in lieu of favors a donation will be made to the American Brain Tumor Organization. Will miss him terribly but plan on making sure my son has good memories of his wedding day.
Thanks everyone!
Becky

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Becky, What a great idea and tribute to Terry. May your son's wedding be full of great memories for all of you to treasure forever.

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

The wedding went well. Once I got through the service and the first part of the reception, introductions and speeches. got into the celebration. My son had a great day and that is what I wanted and what my husband would have wanted.
Becky

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

Double post

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1610
Joined: Aug 2009

Congratulations and best wishes to you all. I'm glad you were able to celebrate your son's happiness. I know your husband was there in all of your hearts. Fay

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

Thank you Fay.

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1560
Joined: Nov 2009

Hello Becky
Congratulations to you, your son and daughter in law on their wedding! So glad all went well. I knew it would. I was happy to see that you thought of the candle and picture of your husband. Your husband is proud of all of you!
Tina in Va

Beckymarie
Posts: 358
Joined: Aug 2009

I hope he is very proud especially of his children. We miss him very, very much.
Becky

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Becky,
So glad that the wedding went good. I'm sure it was hard for you, but your hubby was there in spirit you know.
Take care & keep in touch! Carole

neverquit
Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Becky, glad the wedding went really well. I admire your dedication and love for your family. And I believe that your husband was there with all of you. Take care.

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