Coping Part 2,,,

I want to thank all of the wonderful women who responded to my initial post "Coping". I am so grateful for all of you, for your words of encouragement, support and advice.

Both my mother-in-law and a friend contacted me yesterday asking how they could "help" me, my husband and our daughters as I go through this cancer journey. Basically, they said name the need or task and we'll do it.

I know this sounds great on the surface, and in the case of my friend, I would gladly take her up on the offer. My mother-in-law on the other hand is a whole other story. She's helped out by taking the kids for a few days here and there, but there's always a catch. She asked what are the other factors causing us stress right now and what can she do to help? I told my husband not to go into it with her because she wouldn't be able to handle our reality. The last time we allowed her to help us in a substantial way, we've lived to regret the years of reproach we've received for it.

My husband is our only source of income right now and we have mounting needs that on his single income we cannot address. For example, our two eldest daughters need braces, our second eldest needs to be seen by a speech therapist, my husband and I need dental work that we can't afford right now, and there's more. My mother-in-law is aware of these needs and hasn't offered to help in these areas. She has the means and resources to, but doesn't make the effort. Please do not misunderstand, we're not looking for handouts from her, but when she says she wants to help us, just name the need and task, well, I'm at a loss. Do I, do we, state the obvious and hope she helps, knowing we'll never hear the end of it, or do we just let it go and hope that at some point we'll be able to manage on our own.

Had I not been diagnosed with and having to deal with Breast Cancer, I would now be finishing a college program and graduating soon as an Education Assistant and working in education by September and all of this would be a non-issue. The reality is that cancer blind sided our lives and my immediate future and we're that much further behind.

I worry about my daughters and their needs. My husband does too, but we feel stuck. Do we drop the bomb of such serious needs on my mother-in-law and hope she does the right thing? or, do we hope that somehow we'll find our way on our own? These are issues that make trying to cope with my cancer and the treatments and surgeries, near impossible when so much more is compounding it all. Feeling overwhelmed is an understatement.