CSN Login
Members Online: 2

Not getting better

Nicole41
Posts: 20
Joined: Feb 2011

Yesterday was one month since my mother passed away. I am a mess today. I am at work, on my break and needed to communicate. I cant stop crying. Today is worse than most days have been. Is it possible that I am having a delayed reaction?

3Mana
Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

Nicole,
It's only a month and you're going to have alot more days like this. It's normal to feel like this and I know I always felt worse on the day that I lost my husband. Was doing good but on Mar. 25th it'll be a year and I find myself crying more or just shedding a tear. Don't rush the grieving process, we've all been there.
"Carole

luz del lago's picture
luz del lago
Posts: 452
Joined: Jul 2010

A little over two months since my love passed and it's up and down for me. Even the small things that almost make me happy get swept away when my mind reminds me that he is gone! Not that I forget, just that at that instant, I am not crying or feeling so lonely without him. I feel that the sadness just "lurks" around the corner, waiting to pounce on me with no rhyme or reason. The times I feel happy is around my children, my granddaughter, family and friends. Time alone, especially the end of the day, is not good. I shared with my therapist that always, he and I took that time to talk, to share, to dream and to plan. And now I don't know what to do with that special time.

She said to me that two months is not enough time to grieve and mourn the loss of a wonderful husband of thirty years. That I must be patient, cry, release the hurt I feel. I know all this, I guess it is just exhausting to be so sad so much of the time!

I hope the best for all of us. That one day soon we can think of our loved ones and instead of cry, we will smile and laugh again. A picture will remind us of the day it was taken and the happiness we felt that day. Take care.

Lucy

Noellesmom
Posts: 1270
Joined: Aug 2010

A month is not very long, Nicole, and I'm thinking you know that.

A year is not very long, either, and I'm sure most people will have a hard time at different "special" times like birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Be sure you are talking with other people who are likely missing your mom, also. You need each other right now.

Come back here and share anytime.

And I don't think your reaction is delayed - I'd say it is right on time.

mswijiknyc's picture
mswijiknyc
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

for some people, they have it all together and can get through things without even a bump. I would put good money down that those same people will have a melt down at some point too.

Everyone grieves in their own time in their own way. Today when I went down to his union hall to finish up some paperwork and make a couple phone calls, it hit me. Pat passed exactly 2 months after my 30th birthday. I saw the cutest little fluffy mallard that quacked when you squeeze it, then 2 and 1/2 hours later it hit me that when he would see ducks, he would tell me "there's your ducks."

Came home, had lunch, got out his cologne and his welder's hat, put on one of the CD's I made for him, and sat down and cried for the first time since he left. I miss Patrick. He was a scumbag sometimes, but he was and is my scumbag.

I found it ironic that in the middle of this I was getting phone calls from the paper about his obituary. I didn't get angry, or even upset. Kind of made me smile a bit. He never did like me crying over him being sick, so why would this be different?

There are times when it's good to be with others remembering and grieving, then there are times when it's good to sit and just be. Finding the best way for you is what's key. Be kind to yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Subscribe with RSS
About Cancer Society

The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition. Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions.

Copyright 2000-2014 © Cancer Survivors Network