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Jorge is on chemo and ..........

tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
Posts: 640
Joined: Sep 2010

Jorge got his chemo and on the first night of chemo i try to keep the kids away from Jorge becaues he's talks about how he feels about when the kids hurt him or lie about things .so last night Jorge started to talk to our daughter Celeste about how she leaves everything for me to do when it comes to her kids .my grandkids are sick and she gets me to give them the meds and gets me to sit with them so she can do what ever she wants to do and because they are my grandkids i do it they need to be shown love and she just dont show it to them as if she has no time for them so i do it just because i dont want fighting here around jorge.and it bugs me because i did my time with my kids but i stay quit and just do it . but last night jorge is on chem and kids are sick and i'm trying to do things for jorge and i have to 2 grandbabys right beside me .and me not thinking jorge started talking to me why do you have the kids thats it im talking to her .he called celest to the living room and started saying why is your mom taking care of the kids when your here to do it yourself.and celeste went off. and started calling him so bad names and went into a other room. and when i walked by she started calling him names to me . i told her leave him alone he is on chemo why dont you try to put the chemo on you and see how you feel .and she would not stop so i gave it to her i said you keep it up tomorrow when to neeed to leave there to go to school you will be taking your kids with you im tried for all of this you are a mean person to anyone that is sick .and she told me if i leave you will never see the kids again .i dont know if i didnt the right thing but im so tried of being walked all over all the time . like when i say i do everything i do it all here with help from jorge when he's not on chemo . well thanks for hearing me out .hugs to all Tina

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

girl thats what we are here for.i have a 21 year old daughter with no kids but she is lazy.i know im part to blame for that.i have done a lot for my kids over the years.i guess when you do a lot for them instead of making them do things it comes back to haunt you.i have a son who is 17 and very ambitious.tonight i am going to sit down with both of them and tell them the truth on what is going on with me.i have been recently dx stage4 with mets to liver and lung.i guess right now they think im am going to get chemo again and just get better.we all know stage 4 is not curable.i dont want to hurt them but they need to know the truth.i am hoping this will throw my daughter into growing up and take more responsibilities.i think you did the right thing.dont worry when we get mad we say things we dont mean.when she cools off she will let you see your grandkids...Godbless and tell jorge i hope his chemo goes well...johnnybegood

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2071
Joined: Oct 2009

I'm sorry for your troubles. Maybe time for tough love? Your house, your rules, if they don't like it they are free to leave and live on their own. Like you said, you already raised your kids. Jorge must have peace and quiet, chemo is tough. Your daughter is disrespectful. She threatens you won't see the grandkids, don't let her do that, more than likely it is a threat just to get her own way. Sit them down, give them the rules, if they don't like it then give them a week to make other living accommodations. Many times children change their tune when they know they cannot walk all over you.

Take care and say hi to Jorge.

Tina

Lori-S's picture
Lori-S
Posts: 1287
Joined: Sep 2010

I am so sorry that you have to go through this while taking care of Jorge and this whole cancer mess. One thing is that if you do not stand up for yourself you are sending the message that it is OK to walk all over you. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and for Jorge. It sounds like your adult children are still going through the terrible 2s. You know.... back in the toddler days when they would throw tantrums, wear you down and get what they wanted because you just didn't have the energy or inclination to say no and stick with it? I'm sure it's tough to have the energy and stick with it now too because of dealing with cancer but, you might have to reach way inside and find just a little more strength to stick to your guns right now. Jorge needs you and your children are old enough to understand and step up to the plate and do their fair share right now. Especially when the children are their own children. Hang in there and be there for Jorge. I know it's tough when small children and grandchildren are involved. You can still love your grandchildren but have their mother care for them. HUGS

AnneCan
Posts: 3693
Joined: Oct 2009

Jorge is your priority + it is good you stood up to him. Your daughter needs to "grow up" a little + help you as well as her kids. You have a lot on your plate + you need someone to help clear it, not load it up.

Buzzard's picture
Buzzard
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

Tough Love is the game we play when someone we love does us an injustice...Celeste is being a little chit right now...If she has children then she needs to "pull up her big girl panties" and take care of her own kids...Good for you...inform her that your priorities right now are to your husband and she can keep her trap shut or hit the door....and do not feel bad about telling her, she will try to bring the kids up to you but be stearn and she will return after she thinks about it, and the rules in your house remain as they are. Your house, your rules, no bargaining with them.....or tell her to pack her chit and hit the door......period............buzz

Oh and BTW.......give Jorge a hug from me and you my dear, stand firm....all things will work out and in the way you want them to not anyone else.........Love to you both....buzz

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

Good luck with jorge's chemo,chemo is not easy,and it's harder for some people,so you were right in doing what you did.They are her kids,not yours,she should be taking care of them,not you.You have your hands full taking care of jorge,if she doesn't like your rules then she should get her own place,and support herself.Be strong,and good luck to jorge with the chemo,and we are always here when you want to vent.

JoyceSteele's picture
JoyceSteele
Posts: 146
Joined: Nov 2010

Tina, am sorry you have this to deal with as well. When it rains sometimes it pours doesn't it? Must share I have 2 wonderful daughters (and 2 equally wonderful sons). HOWEVER one of the wonderful daughters is manipulative, sometimes dishonest, disrespectful and can be downright NASTY.. she has had some tragic things happen in her life, but I still don't accept that as an excuse for her actions. I have enabled her, spoiled her and then had to pay the consequences. Thankfully things are much, much better.

What I want you to know is she had our first grandchild..he is 14 today. I adore him, was like his 2nd Mom in many ways, (fine with me) and then if she didn't get her way, or the one time in a year I said I could not do something she wanted (babysit, keep him for the weekend) she would threaten me with "you will never see him again.'... after a while, Prozac and a great doctor and friends I finally stood up to her one day. She slammed the phone down on me, I was tempted to call back. I did not.. she did not call me for several days, each day I realized that I did the right thing. She had been abusive to me, disrespectful, unkind. A few days went by, she called, cried and apologized.

We've had many talks, some good, some not so good, but our relationship has improved dramatically. She has gone for counseling. And she has never threatened that I won't see her son ever again.

Please don't let her intimidate you..you are her Mom. Jorge deserves as much love, attention as possible now, and you need LOVE, kindness and help as well, as his caretaker. She needs to realize it is not all about her. Don't beat yourself up. It's over for now and the important thing is that you don't allow yourself to be walked all over. EVER. No one deserves to be walked all over, and especially you.

Hope you can get some good rest, Jorge does well. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love, Joyce

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5016
Joined: Feb 2008

I'm glad you had your say!

*hugs*
Gail

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3041
Joined: May 2009

Been there, done that, good for you!

They are self centered, don't really realize the negative impact they are making on our already stressful lives. She thinks, you owe her! She thinks she is entitled, your Mom after all... Sounds like it's time for her to grow up.

Mom to four daughters

Buckwirth's picture
Buckwirth
Posts: 1272
Joined: Jun 2010

I could tell stories, of siblings and other assorted relatives behaving inappropriately, all trying to get justice for some past slight, or just being selfish and not understanding why their needs are not being put first.

Hold your ground, she will get over the tantrum.

{{{Tina}}}

Buck

tina dasilva's picture
tina dasilva
Posts: 640
Joined: Sep 2010

Thank you all of you guys for the great support with Celeste .reading all the posts has made me stronger .so thank you and i love all of you guys hugs Tina

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